Personal experiences with panic attacks

I have had a really bad week for panic and had my first panic attack that woke me up out of my sleep. Ihave had to take more xanax to even feel like I can make it for another hour. Anyway after being on this site for about a month now, reading everyone's experiences has helped tremendously. When I feel like I just don't know what to do with myself and sure I am going to die, then swinging from really wanting to die, the support from all here has been a life-saver. I really mean it. So with that said I was hoping to get some of your physical symptoms of what happens to anyone when they have their panic attack. For instance, today I can't stop this tingling down my right leg and an itchy tingle feeling on my head. I also have body twitching along with the horrible sensation of worry. Not about anything specific just the raw emotion of worry. These are the times I am ready to quit my job and run away. Of course I can't I have a 9 and 10 year old and am a single mom. These feelings get so so strong sometimes I am positive I need to be put away. Can anyone share what they go through during their panic attacks? Strangely it's comforting to share the anguish.
Thank you in advance,
Jojuli

Racing heart, racing thoughts, impulsive thoughts, adrenaline racing through my body, the need to do something right now for no apparent reason. Feelings of shame, guilt, hiding.

Yuck. Panic attacks are horrible. Everything is blown out of proportion and even the smallest thing feels like an elephant about to stomp on me. My last one was at the dentist, in the chair. I pushed him away, I felt like i was going to pass out, I couldn't sit, stand, lie down -- nothing was comfortable and the room was spinning. I was stuck between really wanting to pass out so it would end and fighting the blackout because the denist had no idea what was going on and I was afraid he'd call an ambulance (he kept offering oxygen, but I couldn't speak).

When this happens, I pray in my safe place and rock myself back and forth until it's over.

Hang in there and keep sharing -- that helps me too.

mtd

I want to share life with them, then ridding my life of them for the most part.

Living with panic was one of the most confusing, excruciating times in my life. I was to the point I couldn't go anywhere. Once I went to the ER for a migraine and panic caused me to pull the IV out of my arm and leave...total, complete panic. They almost sent the law looking for me because I was medicated. They were so sweet when I called them from home, though. I remember walking to my car from the ER and my hand where I'd pulled the IV out looked like someone had placed a pyramid object under my skin...a big one. I lived with total, complete panic. I explained to them what sent me into the panic and they were very angry at the nurse. They said that would've scared anyone, let alone someone who suffers panic.

The biggest thing for me was my breathing. I hyperventilated at a low level, always feeling starved for oxygen. It led to pain, tingling, etc. It was so scary. Of course, after a while of hyperventilating, the other symptoms occured, tingling, pain, tight chest, etc.

Sometimes I would have a "clue" that one was coming...lights would get "weird" on me. If I was out and lights felt weird, I knew I needed to leave and quickly until I could get some medicine in me. Another clue for me was a very strange one...I would feel like I wasn't completely dressed. You know that dream where you're in public naked? It was similar to that. It's weird, yes I know. A t and a p'doc just looked at me and said, "hmm". No offer as to reason...LOL. It would happen as I was going in somewhere different (store, friends, unfamiliar surroundings). I would go over myself to make sure completely dressed, but then when I did my own mind didn't believe me! To combat this, I put a list in my purse of clothing and I would check off the list. I was able to by-pass that fear then...see it in black and white and put it away.

Needless to say from the descriptions above, I had horrible panic for about three years. I was medicated to the hilt. I wanted to take my xanax as needed. My p'doc wanted me to take (on top of several other things) xanax three times a day to "trick my brain" into not having what it was regularly set at the time to do. I trusted him enough to do that and I noticed that I wasn't having nearly the panic. By keeping it in my system all the time, it prevented it from happening over half the time. He was right; we were tricking my brain.

After a little bit and I didn't live in constant fear of panic attacks, I began biofeedback therapy. I had to feel safe enough to do this or it wouldn't have worked I think. Part of the biofeedback was looking at what frightened me the most...my breathing...then learning skills. Well, up to that if I even thought about breathing...panic! However, I knew in my mind that if I did panic, I was able to get control with meds so the work began.

In biofeedback, the specialist showed through fact (computer reading of my bodily reactions) what caused my anxiety/panic and what helped it. He said at the end of our time he would be able to create a full-fledged panic attack for me, then will have showed me the skills to turn it around on my own. I thought he was so full of it. Um, I was wrong.

Anyhow, he would hook me up to stuff that measured my muscle tension, heartrate, etc. When he did the first time, I was off the charts over the top. He pointed that out to me. Of course, it didn't surprise me.

He had me to count backwork from 100 by 7's. I did. He asked a second time. I did, then he had me look at the screen. I'd come DRASTICALLY down and hadn't even noticed that I was feeling better inside but I was. Way cool! He said that showed that intellectual stimulation was a good tool in fighting my panic. It made sense. I'd remembered when I was pregnant. I'd hyperventilated for three months straight. It was horrible. The only times I was free of it was when I would sit and write...words of songs, something that made me think but not too much. Yep, it made sense. It seemed, without knowing, my mind was already doing what it knew helped me feel better. Of course, I couldn't sit and write songs all the time.

Wow, this is getting long...sorry.

Anyhow, we then tackled my breathing and hyperventilation...always feeling starved for air and panic for not being able to get it. He explained to me why (black and white) physically that was happening. He explained that I was breathing off the top of my lungs due to anxiety; the bottom part of lungs not getting enough and feeling starved. Bottom part feeling starved always needing a deep, cleansing breath, but top part having way too much. The top part was telling brain...no more. That's why it felt as if my lungs wouldn't expand to take that "cleansing breath". It made so much sense. Ok, that's what caused it. How do we help it? The answer was SCARY.

If I was feeling starved for that cleansing breath and couldn't get it, I was to blow out ALL the air in my lungs a couple of times then attempt to get that cleasing breath. It worked! Every time I started at home I would do that. I worked. Pretty soon I felt control over the panic because my breathing felt under control. After about six months, I was no longer having panic and off all meds. I kept the meds around for the occasional panic attack that came on so quickly that I didn't have time to do what I needed.

I might have panic once a year now.

It can get better. Again, what helped me was knowing what got me there (why my body was doing what it was with black and white evidence and answers to what anxiety was doing to body) and what I could do to bring myself back. Then practice it alot to retrain my mind. Of course, I had to have help medically with meds to feel safe enough to even focus on any of that as I needed to.

Best to you. I know what you're going through and it's so difficult.

KD

Wanted to thank those who shared there private lives with panic, especially Kimmydawn. Your experience was the type of description I was looking for. I too want to take my xanax as needed but everyday like clockwork just after noon time I will get pre-panic sensations. The tingling, shallow breathing, no position is comfortable or eases symptoms. This is new to me (since about November of 2006). I can't imagine living with this every day for 3 years. You must be incredibly strong and determined. I don't want this to be who I am yet it has affected every part of my life and I am not the same person. This week I took antoher blood test and it revealed my T3-thyroid is high, low side of high and my adrenals are almost zero. So when my panic attacks come it's as if my body doesn't know quite what to do. Chemicals are released in overload, then I go into a fatigue attack. I sound drunk or on drugs and have to completely stop functioning to lie down. As I said this has affected everything in my life. I've tried to share a little bit with my co-workers and they have no clue. One co-worker thought the adrenals were sinuses. But I've told them if I pass out not to call 911 but just let me come to. How has your family dealt with this? My family is finally realizing this is physical - seeing blood test results and knowing why my body is doing what it is doing (black and white reasons) does help. Some other friends have kept away because they do not understand it or think I am mentally retarded/ill and are afraid of me. This has added to my anxiety. Have you had such experiences? As far as breathing: I catch myself barely breathing, sometimes holding my breath, or clenching my teeth or tightening my shoulders. It is true breathing is SO important. Conciously relaxing. Are you on any meds right now for panic? Thanks so much again.
Jojuli

((((((( jojuli )))))))

My family didn't understand either. It was a confusing and hard time for me. I thought I was going to die and no one would know why to save/help me. To be honest, I don't know how I made it through before the med treatment, then biofeedback.

I remember my first panic. I was 14/15 years old. I was from a home filled with illness and even danger. I remember clearly going to bed and not being able to breathe...my last thought thinking that I was going to die and no one would even know. I felt as though I couldn't breathe, and if you can't breathe, you die. It was a confusing and difficult time for me. I look back, though, after having the therapy I've had I realize that the hyperventilation was causing flashbacks which led straight to complete and immobilizing panic.

Somehow I made it through and the hyperventilation did not return until I was 23/24...well, not that I remember. I was pregnant with my second child and hyperventilated straight for 3 months. I lived on the edge of panic, but didn't have panic attacks that I remember.

I started having full-fledged panic attacks after a specific event. I didn't know what they were. Again, I just felt that I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sit, etc. Even when the panic subsided, I still hyperventilated. That takes us to the time where I sought help as I explained in the previous post.

I'm not on meds now for panic because I no longer have panic. I might have a high enough anxiety that it affects my breathing to where I feel I can't get a handle on it once-twice per year. On those occasions, I will take a pill to help if I need, because, I don't want my brain to get back into "panic mode".

Please continue to work with your doctors and consider seeing a therapist trained specifically in dealing with anxiety disorders. There are many WONDERFUL tools out there to help; biofeedback was my saving grace there. It helped me to end the panic and gave me the tools to prevent it almost completely as well.

I'm so sorry that your family doesn't understand. Seeing a therapist will give you someone just for YOU, and will also help you to explain it to your family when you feel you're ready to do so.

I wish you all the best. This can get better, though sometimes it's minute by minute and feels like one step forward, two steps back sometimes many times in one day.

KD

panic attacks are horrible, mine woke from a deep sleep as well. I jumped out of bed my left arm was buzzing I was thinking I must of slept on it but I was sleeping on the other side. My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest, My mind was racing and I had FEAR I was so scared I thought I was having a heart attack so I called the ambulance. I was sweating and shaking,racing heart. This all happened Dec. 8 2006, my whole life took a 360 turn, I gave up smoking , alcohol, caffiene. I was so scared it was going to happen again plus I had heart palpitations. For a month after I had severe anxiety everyday evening were the worst, my body was always buzzing, tingling,really scared me because alot of the times it was my left side,chest pains. Felt like I had pins and needles in my scalp, on the side of my nose,my jaw felt like it would go numb for a second. Itchy inside my leg which would drive me crazy if I let it so I would go for a walk and it would go away I found. Your body is just so stressed it mimics all sort of diseases but it's only anxiety and I am really learning to control that plus I take my meds and vitamins and excercise. I am so glad I mad that change I am much healthier and thank god everyday that it all could of been worse. Most of my body symptoms are gone or at least not as severe I still have the odd palpitations, chest pain still some tingling but it doesn't worry me so much like it did because I know what it is. Have you tried the website ...panicportal.com it has alot of interesting material on this. Take care

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this Jojuli. My panic attacks started when I was 17 (25 now). It got to the point where I was having 5 per day. I couldn't leave the house, and almost didn't graduate high school because the attacks would hit me in school and I would just get up in the middle of class, get into my car, and drive home. I will never forget how they just hit me out of nowhere, and how unreal I would feel. I would feel like I was going to throw up any second, heart pounding, body going from hot to cold. So scary. I would wake up with them in the middle of the night, too. It finally got to the point in which I decided I was going to fight really, really hard, and kick the the panic attack's butt. I couldn't deal with it anymore. At that point, I was like 20 years old and I just decided that I was going to throw myself in to what I needed to do. So it was very common for me to be sitting in college, having a panic attack, and participating in class all at the same time. I figured that if I could distract myself enough, and if my mind could overpower the attack, I'd be okay. And it eventually worked. I just used the mentality that I was stronger than the attack. I barely have full blown panic attacks anymore. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with bipolar, BPD, and GAD, but hey I can't be perfect, my craziness has to manifest itself somehow, LOL. So, I'm sorry if my "instant cure for panic attacks" has a side effect of 3 additional mental disorders, but if you're willing to take the risk, try it!! Hahaha, j/k.... but really.... the panic attacks are a product of the mind. The mind CAN overpower the attacks. Good luck. I hope you are feeling better.

Thanks for your reply. That tingling is so very strange, I experience it everyday but mine is on the right side for some reason. And it hits my head, it does feel like an itchy tingling sensation. This week I got tested through saliva and blood tests for my adrenals. They came back way low almost borderline to disease. The Psych said my body is trying to compensate for this imbalance and pushes more adrenaline then shuts off. So that's a weird feeling!! Yesterday I had heart palpatations and could not breath. (So important) so I took a xanax to calm down. A couple of hours later I was in my office and I obiviously blacked out. First I was reading through a file and the next thing I knew my head was on my chest when I came to. I looked at the time and it was not very long at all-maybe 30 seconds but that scares the heck out of me. Anyway this morning I woke up normal and about 20 minutes later I had what I call a fatigue attack. I had to lay down and could not even hardly speak. Couldn't go into work, then about noon time the tingling starts and my breathing tightens to where I almost catch myself holding my breath in tension. My Psych has added DHEA prescription for adrenals and L-Tryptophan for anxiety and my bi-polar. I fear any manic episode as it effects adrenals and I have none. My body goes from no energy and drained to feeling tense within minutes sometimes. And I am not a spring chicken. This has definately changed my life completely. But as I learn what is happening though it is helping my attitude. The unknown is scary. Knowing is power. One important thing that many members that have had panic attacks for awhile have stated, getting your breathing right is very important. Deep cleansing breaths, does something no drug can do.
Thanks for sharing.
Jojuli

Thanks for sharing