[Rio_]

This evening, I had to phone three people I'd never called before - practically a first for me, as I hate even phoning people I know. Surprisingly, I wasn't actually that anxious beforehand, and I managed to get through it...it hit me afterwards, though. I kept going through what I'd said and kept thinking how badly it went, how much I hate phones, how they must think I'm a complete idiot now... My therapist has mentioned anticipatory anxiety, but not this. Does it happen to anyone else? It's so frustrating, because there's nothing I can do about it.

[Parker10]

Congrats ! You did it and lived to tell about it ! That was my gauge for determining success when I was going thru exposure therapy! LOL

Hey - dont be hard on yourself. I always had a "let down" period after doing something that was anxiety provoking for me. I would be exhausted. If you called people you did not know, and probably will never meet - who cares if they think you were an "idiot"? You called, talked, and survived - pat yourself on the back for me......you made huge progress !

[ickydog2006]

You did a really good job. I don't usually feel paniced afterwards... at least not the same as beforehand, but I do feel agitated sometime and worry that I could have said/done something wrong. I try to focus on the fact that there is nothing I can do about it.

I know it's hard, but try to focus on the fact that you made it. You accomplished something you might have thought never possible before. Think about how much hope this can bring concerning other things you once thought impossible.

You did an amazing job. I'm also working on some similar desensitization stuff. My goal is to someday reach the top of a certain staircase and not think about how I have to go up the other one (OCD related). I reached my first goal yesterday of staying on the 4th stair for 60 seconds and stay relatively calm. I really paniced when I thought of eventually going more but now that I reached that goal I'm trying to focus on the fact that maybe it is possible to overcome this (eventually) and maybe other similar things too.

It's easy to slip back into the mode of "what if _____ (something negative)". Try to focus on "What if _____ (positive)... like What if I can do this. What if I can eventually hang out with friends in public? What if I can go outside without constant worries running through my head? What if I can eventually lead a relatively 'normal' life?

Congrats on your accomplishment and I wish you the best with your next goal. Try to stay focused on all the good that can come from this (not the pain of enduring it in the present). There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you just made one huge step closer to it.

Good Job

[sabby]

I used to have to make collection calls for a company I worked for. We were not aggressive on the phone, but tried to "sell" the best reasons for the person to pay their bill. Even so, I used to become very anxious before making each call. I found it easier if I wrote down what I wanted to say, sort of a check list if you will. That helped me a lot. I also used to stand up when I made the phone call because it gives you a feeling of being more in control while making the call. There were many times after a difficult call when I would be upset or anxious over how it went. I would then write down how it went wrong and how I could have made it be more positive, so that the next time I encountered the problem, I was better able to handle it.

I hope this helped you a bit. I know it's not on the same level as what you are experiencing, but I thought the ideas might be beneficial to you. I wish you much luck in accomplishing your goals!

Hugsssss
Jean

[Rio_]

Thanks, Parker10! That's true, I'm glad I actually managed to do it.

Thanks. I'm glad it's not just me, I thought it was a bit strange that my therapist never mentioned it. I do know them, though - I have to see them at school all the time - I'd just never had to call them before. (When I said "people I know" in my first post, I meant people I'm friends with - probably should have made that clearer, sorry.) And one of them called me back today, and the same thing happened - was feeling ok, at the time, but afterwards I started shaking. Still, you're right - I lived to tell the tale.

[Rio_]

Thanks, ickydog! That's true - I doubt I would even have considered calling people from school before. I didn't really have a choice this time, though, which I guess is a good thing, seeing as if I do have a choice I usually try and get out of doing it.

Thanks. That's great you're working on desensitisation too, and well done for reaching your first goal already!

Good idea, I'll give that a try.

Thanks again!

[Rio_]

Thanks, sabau2. Those are good ideas - I've tried writing down what I'm going to say when I've had to leave answerphone messages, and it did work once (the other time I was so nervous I couldn't focus on what I'd written and messed it up anyway. ).

Thanks again!

[sabby]

Awwww that's ok if it messed up before.....remember "Practice makes perfect!" So they say anyways LOL

As with any lessons in life, the more we do them, the more comfortable we get with them and the better we end up doing the things we need to do. The important thing is to be careful not to be overly critical of ourselves and take from each little step forward we manage to make. Enjoy those little steps forward and build on them....sooner than you realize....you are making your goal! You are going to manage that!! I have faith in you

Hugssssssss
Jean

[Rio_]

Sorry about the late reply...thanks again! Those are good points.

[itspeaks]

Oh man, I hate calling people. The only person I don't get nervous calling is my mom.

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, itspeaks. That's similar to me - the only person I don't mind calling is my dad. I get nervous even phoning my best friends!

[tiodlliwi]

Rio-

This is sort of a response to both of your recent posts. First off, I'd like to say that I think you are brave to make yourself continue to do things even though they seem tough to overcome. I have a hard time with that sometimes-I'll avoid situations (theaters, freeways) and it is SO hard to say "OK, I am going to do this even though I'm scared.

Also, in your other post you mention feeling like a child. I can relate to that. I think that everyone feels like this at times- some more than others. At this stage of my life, I am almost 27 and I think to myself, "how can I take care of another human when I feel like I'm still 4 or 16!!" Anyways, baby steps, Rio (no pun intended). I'd also like to say, too, that although you have trouble with something as little as a phone call, know that you are a strong person- when you were talking about going skiing- that is something I've never tried (and I live in one of the snowiest states!) but am too afraid- mostly of the ski lifts. I just wanted to say that, too me, THAT IS BRAVE!!!

Take care and good luck with the calls!

[Estee1]

Good on you for doing it.
Something funny here. You know what I hate. I worry myself sick about calling someone, and then when I finally get the guts to do it, it seems that lately I always get cut off somehow between the receptionist and the person who I really need to talk to. I get so freaked out and then I have to call a second time because I got cut off. Man I hate that. Talk about torture. Lol.

[Rio_]

Thanks, tiodlliwi. Most of the time, it's my parents and not me that makes me do these things, but I can see why they do it...even if I hate them for it at the time.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this...maybe I haven't been paying attention, but the majority of adults I know seem like they're in control almost all the time and rarely worry. Thanks! I was afraid of ski lifts as well at first (I still get a bit scared of going on new ones, because they're all slightly different), but they do get easier with practice.

Thanks again!

[Rio_]

Thanks, Estee1. I do that as well - I find it easier if I don't allow myself much time to think about it beforehand. (I let myself think about it far too much last night...ended up nearly panicking between the two calls. ) Sorry you keep getting cut off, that's really strange!

[tiodlliwi]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rio_ said:

maybe I haven't been paying attention, but the majority of adults I know seem like they're in control almost all the time and rarely worry.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I think the majority of people you know must be good at giving off that impression. Even the most "in control" and "worryfree" people I know are not in control almost all the time and are, in fact, not actually worry-free!

[Rio_]

That's interesting, thanks tiodlliwi!