[Melmo]

When I'm single, I enjoy it for awhile but then long to be in a relationship eventually. Once I even get close to being in a relationship, I start to get really anxious and scared of being close to someone else all the time. I feel like I'm being smothered, or I never have alone time. I get scared of being so close to someone else and having them see what I'm really like, because I can't hide it all the time. How do I get over this? Last time I went on a date I was on here while waiting for him because I was having a panic attack. I hate that this is so hard.

[dwfieldjr]

Maybe get your depression and anxiety suppressed a little before thinking of a relationship. Not trying to be rude maybe you don't need a relationship right now. Just work on getting better.

[Frankbtl]

Hi JustWantToBeNormal, I'm sorry if you've already tried this one, but do you think it could help if you start with the "just being friends" bit first??
You know, no "dates" just hanging out with people, without even thinking about will we/won't we. That way you're going to really get to know people first, and hopefully feel comfortable with them to the point where you might be thinking............if I wanted a relationship it would/wouldn't be with you.
Because the whole "dating" thing.........a lot of pressure there especially if you're anxious about it all to begin with.
But otherwise...........you only need to let people get as close as you feel comfortable with at the time, and if they're understanding (which anyone would want from a partner anyway!!) they'd be going more at your pace and doing what they could to make you feel more comfortable.
And relationships don't have to be all about intimacy, intimacy, intimacy all the time..........different peoples relationships work on different levels (at different times).........it's about what feels right for you.........and someone who's right for you is going to be on your level.
And you know, why should you have to hide yourself all the time?? The right person should respect you for being you and be there for you regardless.
So maybe if you get to know them/whoever first...........there will be people you can trust/who you can be yourself with/who you can feel better with/about. Just give yourself and them time, hey?

Alison

[littlemiss44]

I agree it's scarey to think about getting close to someone. But at the same time we yearn to be close with someone. Do you think you have anxiety to date from past bad relationships? I had that problem...I got out of a seven year emotionally abusive relationship and was afraid to try again. I decided to just take time to be by myself for almost a year without any dates. Then a friend of mine thru aa wanted to introduce me to someone else in the program. Both the guy and I were both hesitant to meet so it took us three months to finally meet. When he came with my friend to help me move, our eyes met and boy did sparks fly! He helped me clean the house the next day and we went on our first date that night. We became the best of friends and have been inseparable ever since. It's now been over two years and we are madly in love. Try and put yr fears to rest and give it a try. You never know what can happen! It's always a good idea to become friends first tho. I've learned from that lesson all too well. Being intimate with someone until you really know them can turn out badly. The love of yr life is out there waiting for you...put yr fears aside and try to date to see who's out there :-) I wish you luck. Hang in there

[Melmo]

Thanks guys. I'm hanging out with a guy Friday that I've dated on and off since 2008...last time I saw him was last June,so we will see how it goes.

[rukspc]

Ducktailing off of other people's comments. One thing I've learned is that it's always better to be friends first that way you do get to know the person. Don't worry about the 'what-ifs' or does he/she really like me because it will happen naturally and when it's supposed to. As for your anxiety and depression symptoms, I'd suggest working on yourself and enjoying your own company before letting anyone else in - that way you won't feel dependent on another person for your own happiness. Everything will be okay - just be patient.

[ks33182]

I feel ya, I have just started dating and there's a guy that is really nice and funny and all that stuff and he's expressed interest in me, but I have a hard time getting close...I'm just trying to take it slow and hope he will understand

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi JustWantToBeNormal, I'm sorry if you've already tried this one, but do you think it could help if you start with the "just being friends" bit first??

That's precisely how I work. I don't like the whole "date" thing; it feels wrong, sound rushed and forced, not to mention cliché. I'm happy to just meet a woman, get to know her, none of that "date" stuff, but no pressure, no false hope, or expectations; if something develops, yay. It's not always so simple, but oh well... maybe I'm naive.