Fear of driving

Hi all
I am 64 yrs old
. My 16 year old daughter started riding with me reassuring me as I drove around our neighborhood. As I got better I went on driving my very small car to a Ford truck then to a Malibu to a van. Now I'm not saying it was easy but the more I drove the better I felt...but for the last four years I went into another deep isolating depression and haven't been able to force myself back into the car. I get very panicky and I don't feel in control. I am also diabetic and have to watch my sugar levels as stress can either increase my sugar or drop it fast...I have a lapband and have lost 60 lbs in 17 months. I thought losing weight would make me feel better...but I'm still isolating...

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I'm sorry donna. Surely depression hasn't helped. Hope that you'll feel better soon. We're here for you

Hi donna-

I'm diabetic too and the way to manage drops in blood sugar -- I keep glucose tabs in the car or in my purse all the time. I hope you are able to give driving a try again. I know how isolating it can be. I think I turned down about 6 social invites this year due to my driving fears.
Wishing you the best!!!

i for the life of me cannot drive, im54 tried learning as a teenager, messed up because i was afraid to get out in the traffic. since then, i'v been hit by a drunk driver as a passenger in a car. i also was hit as a pedistrian by a large van and can't drive because i have a head injury now. i think you can't just drive too as others have kids and older people who can hardly even see are on the road too. just be very very careful!!!

I just got back from a driving lesson (I'm 42) and had a very close near-miss on the highway. I saw someone in a truck trying to merge on the highway before the slower van in front of him did --he swung right in front of me but suddenly decided to slow down!!!! I had to lean into the brake to avoid hitting him. Squealing brakes and all!
So many crazy people on the road--I feel like I'm a magnet for this kind of stuff. I've had to "just keep driving" but it isn't easy!!

My daughter doesn't drive. She is 27 and lives in the city, so she is ok without driving where she lives but it is complicated elsewhere. She does not have major issues, slightly probe to anxiety and depression burnout ad enough for not driving yet she doesn't so it is what it is

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CrystalSteph - I TOTALLY understand the anxiety about driving. My first week driving on my own?

...Totaled my car. My little coupe vs. a Caddy. Luckily no one was hurt (And we were both at fault, tickets for all!), but I was already a nervous driver and that really made it worse. But there is always strategies to help. I have a little phone stand in my car and use Google maps and let the directions app 'talk' to me on directions if I have not been to the place before or that often. I live in a city where the traffic is insane, so I usually plan ahead and try and take back roads. Sure, takes longer to get where I am going, but less chaos. Plus sometimes I've found some cool places to go through that.

I also agree with some posters on the whole 'reward' thing. Try and treat yourself during or after driving. I tend to wind up getting coffee/something to drink.

Talking yourself up helps. I usually end up talking back to my phone when she gives directions all silly like. Absurd, but it helps.

And of course, practice. Like most things, driving takes time to master. Though, driving in snow is SO not fun and I do not blame you for being all 'Ew' about it. Even very experienced drivers go 'Ew' about snow and ice.

zombiemermaids I'm sorry to hear that happened to you on your first ride alone, luckily you and no one else were hurt! And thank you for mentioning the phone stand, I swear by Google Maps and my gps but I have never done both at the same time. Because when I drive I have both of my hands on the steering wheel and sometimes the gps goes too fast, but I plan on getting a phone stand on Ebay today now that you've mentioned it!

I feel that planning ahead does help a lot! I drove on snow a few days ago (with my husband next to me) for the first time, like actual snow and ice. He wanted me to learn that way in case of an emergency.. the car felt like it was slipping all over at times and I didn't drive too far away from the house but yeah creepy experience..luckily there wasn't much traffic the only good thing about it is the fact that everyone drives slow! (or at least most people do)

I also have problems driving, and being a passenger. I have to sit in the back seat. I think it has something to do with vertigo

That's interesting that you mentioned that! It may have something to do with it, I know if I were to experience any sort of dizzyness I would automatically panic. Actually, when I feel randomly dizzy before driving it prevents me from wanting to drive ..so those two may have a connection. I try to take a deep breath and open the window a little so I have enough air in order to reduce feeling too hot which for me sometimes feeling hot increases dizzyness

Just wanted to share this quote with you all

I signed up on this application online to receive daily inspiring quotes and I felt amazed by how I can relate so much to this one. Surprisingly, I received it right after having one of those anxious thoughts about life,driving and fears all together. I feel it speaks directly to me and to anyone who holds back from doing something they wish to accomplish because of fear.

"Humans learn only by trial and error, and that includes you.

You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive."

Just to let you know, I'm 51 and I have a lot of trouble driving alone any distance over 5 minutes. I have been phobic for over 30 years with this malady, it sucks, I understand your frustration.

Thanks for the quote CrystalSteph …I wish I had learned earlier in life that failure is the path to success --I always was expected to be perfect all the time which hurt my ability to let myself try things, in fear of failing. But that is how we improve at anything.

thats bad to hear, i guess you do just have to do what you have to do, i am not as brave as you and other drivers, but i also have disabilities that make me unable to drive. i just meant to be careful, it seems like every time i get in a car there is alot of people doing stupid things out there. be careful and know yourself as a driver and build on your strengths and weaknesses!

Whew! I'm still on a permit (because I'm young). I don't feel alone! Haha. What exactly makes you nervous about driving? For me, I'm always afraid of being yelled at by the other person in the car. I'm not the most attentive person either. haha
I'm scared of driving alone because I'm probably a lot more likely to crash

Great question ElCambio!!

Like you, I'm afraid of road rage situations, and accidentally ticking someone off with my inexperience
I am afraid of hurting someone else
I'm afraid of damaging my car before it is paid off
I am afraid of getting lost-- even with 2 forms of gps!
I am afraid of merging onto highways
I'm afraid of stupid/aggressive drivers
and I'm afraid of changing lanes at high speeds

Those are all pretty rational fears. I know that for me, there are times where I would want to do nothing but drive. At other times, driving is the last thing I want to do. You may have a specific phobia disorder though. You seem to be afraid of pretty much everything that could happen

Oh yes, I definitely have a phobia and I am in treatment for it. I have a CBT T who actually rides along to help me learn how to differentiate real threats from the anxiety, and how to cope with the anxiety.

There are brief moments where the freedom of driving feels "fun". Not often enough though!!

Have you considered an advanced driver course - it may help you feel better about driving - UK examples: Advanced driving courses - Driving courses - Driving advice - Driving your car - Which? Car ?

I have been looking for this in my area but I've only found regular driving instruction.

It is a great idea, I appreciate the link! Maybe it will help me find a place near me. When I was living on the east coast, these schools are everywhere-- nicknamed "skid school" because they teach you how to recover loss of control of your car in bad weather.

ah, I see this is in the UK but it does show me what I should be looking for-thanks!

I agree, that is a good question Cambio! I find that when you point out your fears you can handle them better. I use to think I was afraid of everything when it came to driving but I've noticed that slowly the more I practiced the less things I am afraid of or I gain new fears but eliminate others. Currently I'm afraid of:

Crashing,of course
Hurting someone else or myself
Getting lost
Making a mistake and not knowing how to fix it
Recently discovered I am afraid of driving on ice
Having no control over the car
Crashing or bumping into something over a small minor mistake
Getting pulled over by a cop
Blanking out and not knowing what to do

I mean, the list can go on and on I guess it all depends. My husband constantly tells me "you did fine, why are you upset".. even when I do well driving I don't feel proud of myself because deep inside I still feel nervous and that makes me feel as if I've failed. I want to eliminate the nervous feeling/anxiety which is the hardest thing to do right now.

When I first started driving I use to fear having cars near me which is something you can't prevent. I also use to fear having a car in back of me so close because I always use to feel as if the person in the back was pressuring me to go faster. Now, I don't fear those things as much. I guess my main biggest fear right now other than crashing is not knowing what to do. I am studying the rules as much as I can and trying to gain experience to defend myself on the road

Growlycat, can you tell me how you found the CBT or what that abbreviation stands for? I would love to have someone trust worthy ride along with me and point out certain things I can improve, someone who dedicates themselves to doing that. I live in the east coast, at my school they have driving courses that you pay for and they're suppose to make you a better driving I was thinking of checking it out but I would have to drive several times a week to get there so that's kind of preventing me to go.

I have close people who state that I don't need that or shouldn't waste money like that or they're willing to help but at times when they're the passenger they always end up yelling at me over mistakes I make while driving, which just makes me overwhelm and not want to drive sometimes..

I sadly can't offer much advice but you're not alone. I wasn't afraid of driving at first, I enjoyed it, but now I'm terrified.

I'm a very insecure person. My boyfriend has been driving his whole life, he's a mechanic, and he races cars recreationally. I met him shortly after I learned to drive an automatic and got my drivers license. He was always making jokes like how he only dates women who drive manual and a monkey could drive an automatic and he's taught people in like a day how to drive manual and I tried to learn but it was just so hard and I felt like poo about myself because of comments he's made. He's stopped and he hasn't said anything, but it's in his car culture like when we go to his sports car club meetings people are always bashing on people who can't drive manual. Now just thinking about it makes me cry and it's spilled over in to everyday driving. I'm terrified now and I get so anxious and unhappy.

I also can't handle any critique from him like he said I turned a bit fast when we were driving together one day and I just snapped. I was so nervous to drive in front of him because I was worried he would critique me and he did which made me feel worse and I just took a fit. I haven't driven in months.

I hope you find something that works for you and find someone to help. I know it sucks but I hope things improve for you

Oh dear! I'm sorry you feel this way! I think your boyfriend doesn't realize how serious it is. My husband loves cars, knows mechanic and at times he would joke around as well,especially in the beginning. I was also very nervous to drive with him, he was overall very supportive but at times when I would refuse to drive or if I didn't do it well, I would get comments like, "my little sister knows how to drive manual."

Which made me feel worse, so I know how you feel. Sometimes, people..especially people we care about don't feel our pain. Maybe they don't mean to intentionally make you feel bad but to them it's like a joke. I constantly get people tell me, "whose afraid of driving..seriously". Don't let that bring you down, certain people don't understand because to them it's so simple, they don't feel the same type of anxiety,fear,or threat we do. If it continues I would just suggest to talk to him and let him know how much this means to you. Not everyone learns the same way, and that's fine. Hope everything works out for you as well, as I am sure it will