Fear of being harmed.

Hi everyone!! I don’t know whether it’s the right place to request for the suggestion or assistance for this problem of mine but I’m posting it here. First of all please accept my apologies for not being regular here. I won’t say time has been very favorable for me but I should have been as supportive here as many of you are to me. Anyway I know that I have been suffering from depression for a long time, I have panic attack and to make thing worse I’m extremely introvert and often scared of other people (it is really creepy for me). But today I want to share few things with you which are disturbing me a lot lately.

As I mentioned earlier, that I am scared of other people (complete strangers mostly). If any random stranger wants to interact with me in street I feel really scared inside (I try to conceal it as much as I can but my heart beats really fast, my throat gets dried up and I can feel that my legs are shaking at that moment). Just few days ago I was standing by a store and a random stranger came along and told me that he opened a billiard center nearby and invited me to visit there. As he was talking to me I was feeling really scared (although his tone of talking was not anything like that) as I’d be physically harmed or I’d die (it is hard to explain properly for me). I hang around nearby that store after my class sometimes, but now I have this feeling that man watches me secretly as his prey and his sudden approach to me was an ill omen for me. Even as I’m typing this post, I am feeling really tensed.

Yes I have a bitter past of being robbed in broad daylight about 5/6 years ago, and ever since then I am always scared every time I go outside, I almost never carry anything valuable when I am outside but still I feel that someone is seeking opportunity to harm to me. Some of you might suggest getting help/treatment a psychiatrist but unfortunately mental health is not treated properly in my country, thus I can’t go for professional help at this moment. What can I do in my current situation?

well you suffered the trauma of being robbed so that fear still lingers with you. you could possibly have ptsd from your earlier incident. this would require the help of a professional to work through. you can buy workbooks though online or in store that may help you out. telling yourself that you are safe is a start.

Do you have access to martial arts or self-defense classes? That helped me immensely in dealing with my PTSD-related fear of being attacked because I learned how to defend myself if need be, how to get out of common grabs/holds, and even how to communicate with body language and tone of voice that I'm not someone you want to mess with. I still worry that someone might attack me, but I feel much safer now because I know I know how to respond.

I wish I could get professional help which is almost a rarity here. Is it possible to get out of this by my own? I really can't help it anymore, I am so embarrassed about it that I never told anyone (not even my parents) that I was robbed once and I'm now scared of interacting with strangers now (I'm pretty sure that if I'd tell it to anyone I'd be labeled as a coward/worthless of not being able to safeguard myself).

Although this concept is not very popular in my country but I had this thought in my mind for a while. The self-defense schools I found where lessons are taught by good trainers/instructors were charging too high; I also figured out that some of these schools just vanish after few months of opening. But I still have the desire to learn few self-defense tricks.