[kylee_teacup]

please read whole thing and give serious answer. thanks =)

I have always been really shy and insecure sometimes. I really like someone, a guy who isn't the most handsome guy around, but he turns me on because he's mysterious. Anyways, at first when I went into the restaurant he works at, I simply didn't worry about my facial expressions, I just simply didn't worry that people would judge me for liking a guy who isn't really handsome. He is kinda cute, hehe , just not a lot.

But then later, I had a fear that I had to worry about my facial expressions, fearing they'd look embarrassed. I used to have a boyfriend who was really weird/eccentric sometimes, I loved him, but in public I felt a lot more conscious of my facial expressions, because i felt sort of embarrassed and was afraid my face would look embarrassed too. I notice I paid a lot more attention to my facial expressions, and didn't make as much eye contact with other people. He was probably the weirdest person I've ever met. Anyways, I'm afraid that same fear will translate onto being around this other guy. Yet, this other guy isn't eccentric.

I have suicidal thoughts everyday, and feel as if I'd rather be dead. This is probably definitely contributing to this sudden thought coming to my head.

I fear I would look embarrassed around this guy as I did with my past boyfriend, because I have had delusions of people persecuting me since I took the antidepressant Effexor XR six months ago, and stopped taking it five months ago. I think it permanently damaged my brain to a degree. I'm afraid people would judge me for liking a guy who's only kind of cute, not a lot. I know if I don't worry about my facial expressions, I won't have any problems. That it's more likely if I worried I'd look embarrassed, I'd more likely look like something was wrong with me. Whereas if I didn't worry, I'd look normal. However, I cannot convince my mind to that, because it keeps on saying "but..." and reverting back to this idea that people are judging me for liking him, that they are expecting or wanting me to worry about my facial expressions, because they do not care about my feelings and are trying to cause me pain.

But do you think I'm making this worry more up in my mind than anything? I have a feeling the answer is "yes," oddly. I mean, no one even really knows I like him, except I told one old man who's my friend, yet he doesn't know him personally. And maybe some people in the restaurant can tell I like him perhaps, but no one has told me "oh, why do you like him? he's not the best looking guy around." Or something mean like that. But I wonder if maybe they're thinking it. I feel detached from reality a lot.

I posted this problem up before, and someone said "don't worry too much." It's hard to convince my mind of that though, when it keeps on reverting back to this idea that people are persecuting me through their judgments and observations.

I've had insecurities before, and i was able to overcome everyone of them, but this one seems hard again sadly, like all of the rest before. I think I can do it, i just need help. Thank you

[Travelinglady]

Hello, kylee_teacup, and welcome to Psych Central! Why do you think you might be making this worry up? It seems like a legitimate worry to me, although, in my point of view, a misguided one.

Let's face it, not every guy is a hunk, with a great body and face. Ultimately looks are much less important than the kind of person a guy is. Just wondering: Are you considered to be very good looking? I mean objectively. People tend to match themselves up on the level of looks--great-looking gals with great-looking guys and so on. Try to consider what you do like about him and try not to worry so much about his looks.

But if you are going to go around worrying about what other people will think, then maybe you should forget this guy. But do you always have to meet their approval?

Just wondering: Do you happen to be in therapy?

[kylee_teacup]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hello, kylee_teacup, and welcome to Psych Central! Why do you think you might be making this worry up? It seems like a legitimate worry to me, although, in my point of view, a misguided one.

Let's face it, not every guy is a hunk, with a great body and face. Ultimately looks are much less important than the kind of person a guy is. Just wondering: Are you considered to be very good looking? I mean objectively. People tend to match themselves up on the level of looks--great-looking gals with great-looking guys and so on. Try to consider what you do like about him and try not to worry so much about his looks.

But if you are going to go around worrying about what other people will think, then maybe you should forget this guy. But do you always have to meet their approval?

Just wondering: Do you happen to be in therapy?

Thank you for considering what I wrote and giving an answer. However, it's not exactly the answer I was looking for =( I was wondering, more, how can I stop focusing on my facial expressions so much. I notice I didn't at first, I simply didn't worry about my facial expressions, but now I am afraid I will worry. Or how can I convince my mind that people are not expecting me to worry what my emotion looks like all the time.

To answer your question, I am considered by most to be very good-looking. And I do happen to be in therapy.

[radioactive1]

This worry is very real to you and that's all that matters. However, I would try to relax around this guy and try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself. A potential friendship is not worth your mental health. You have a lot to offer; try not to worry about what other people think.

[QuagmireTrekker]

I guess I had the experience a little similar with you, but not completely the same as you. I don't have the delusion nor worry that people would judge if I like that man by my expression. But I just can't eliminate my embarrassed expression in front of that man.

I used to like a man in my class in my undergraduate school time. Before I found I liked him, I had no problem with interacting with him naturally. But since I was aware I liked him, I stared to fail to interact with him naturally: I would have embarrassed expression when being face to face with him though I didn't feel so anxious that I dare not interaction with him. Though I desired to have more interactions with him, I just couldn't be face to face with him without the embarrassed expression. I liked him not long after I entered my undergraduate school, and found him get a girlfriend in the third year then started to feel very frustrated because I liked him far earlier than he got his girlfriend but had never tried to chased him then let him become other's boyfriend. Because I can't be interact with him face to face without not having embarrassed expression, it's impossible for me to interact with him more (for I don't want him to see my embarrassed expression), not mention to having some actions to let him perceive or at least start to suspect I like him; this made me so frsustrated that I even couldn't concentrate on my study and had poor grades, and I even visited two counselors to inquire how to solve this problem, but none of them gave me any solution; they just listened to me. But not long after visiting the two counselors, I found he broke with his girlfriend; that action let me feel he is not a serious man who would commit his emotion to his girlfriend seriously so that I found I didn't like him anymore. Then I started to find a great relief that my problem had been gone since then.

But I don't know why in the fourth year of my undergraduate school, it's like the whole class know I like him and tried to put him and me together whenever there is a chance or made some commotion whenever they saw I was near him. And he himself seems to also know I like him because he would have honorable expression in front of me. Even after I graduated from my graduate school and in a wedding of one of our classmates, they were still that way; they tried to put him and me sit around the same table. But since I have not liked him for long, I don't care what they do.

In my graduate school, I had a companion but broke up with him after graduation. I didn't have the problem of having the embarrassed expression with that companion. So I think that problem arises due to the environment and the person. People in my graduate school are far more different from my undergraduate school; they far more focuses on research than those in my undergraduate school and never spent time in matching pairs in my class or research groups nor gossip about who and who should be in pair, or such kind of affair.