[SomeoneToTrust]

Hi there!! I am new to this forum. I am a very introvert person. I can't talk very well to others because of my shyness. Whenever I try to approach/talk to the other people I always make sure that I remain gentle. But sometimes people misbehave with me because they think I am being gentle and I don't talk back to the face of others means I am weak. I try to be honest, helpful and hardy refuse people to help, so I'm often betrayed, people unfairly use me to get their job done and forget my generosity. But the point is I am scared to confront others. I can't speak harsh to others so others easily walk all over me and I can't do anything but leave or remain silent. Even if someone is wrong and verbally abuse me I can't do the same to them. And this problem increased even more after once I was threatened on the street and got robbed in broad daylight by some robbers that really scared me. Ever since then I rarely talk to the strangers. I always feel insecure. Whenever I'm on street, fear submerges me. I am very tormented inside. What should I do in this situation?

[Millitoria]

Hi someonetotrust,

I am new here too. I have found it to be a really friendly, helpful place already so I hope you do too.

It can be really difficult to stand up to people. I know I find it very hard. I also get huge anxiety when I am outside, concerns that people will follow or hurt me and the like. I know it's horrible to deal with.

I have found therapy helpful, but I know that's a big step and you may not be ready to take it. Something it might be worth looking into is assertiveness training. That could help with learning how to stand up for yourself in a good way, and help to identify why you find it so difficult to do.

I hope you find something to help.

Milli

x

[SomeoneToTrust]

Hello Milli,
Thanks for stopping by and making such wise suggestion. You are right about the psycho therapy that I'm not ready to go for it yet. But I'm not quite getting the 'assertiveness training' thing that you have suggested. I have looked up on the internet but I hardly understood anything, I think it has something to do with self-confidence and stress management as far as I've read about it. Can you please simply explain this to me? And I also want to know how it is done, or is this like any psycho therapy session? I really want to get out of this awkward situation of mine and I want to live a normal life. I am already mocked enough and if I say I feel insecure to get outside, I feel shy to talk to others or stand up to people, I'll be insulted even more.

[not quite right]

Hello, fellow frightened one. I am a severe agoraphobic who also strongly dislikes people. I'm quite opposite in how I deal with them & in turn how I am treated. I am very vocal, bluntly honest & famously unstable, so I control most with fear. I would like to say I am generally well liked, but, when people act stupid, I give them crazy. Or just make them feel stupid. It may not be the healthy way to deal, but it works for me. People can only treat you as badly as you allow them. Hope that helped. Welcome to pc!

[SomeoneToTrust]

Hi not quite right,
I know people will continue to push me around if I let them to do it. But the point is I'm very scared to confront others. I've never been rude to others but why others are being rude to me? Yes I've met good people in my life who are really polite and gentle but unfortunately I stumble upon mostly those who are just the opposite. I want to be treated well. Can you please tell me how to behave with others so that they stop make fun of me and also how I can stand up to people?

[jk2833]

Hi I know exactly what your saying, I'm terrified of confrontation even though I know I don't say anything wrong ( I'm very carefully of this).
I'm also like yourself, very considerate, kind, help anyone with anything but yet I find myself constantly analysing conversations I've had, and therefore avoiding people so I don't have to go through this rigmarole.
It is true though you do only get treat the way you allow others to treat you.
It's strange I stand up for my family to anyone no matter what however its different when it's me?
I just wanted to reply so you can see your not alone
Hugs
J

[not quite right]

Originally Posted by SomeoneToTrust

Hi not quite right,
I know people will continue to push me around if I let them to do it. But the point is I'm very scared to confront others. I've never been rude to others but why others are being rude to me? Yes I've met good people in my life who are really polite and gentle but unfortunately I stumble upon mostly those who are just the opposite. I want to be treated well. Can you please tell me how to behave with others so that they stop make fun of me and also how I can stand up to people?

I try and pull confidence from my fear and anger. I want to inform you that I'm not a ***** to everyone. Most people seem to like me. But, I suffer so severly in ways few poeple can even comprehend & I REFUSE to be bullied & disrespected! It is one thing I can control. & honestly, it's something you only have explain to a few people before everyone knows not to screw with yoi. You'll be surprised how much respect you get when you demand it. You have to realize you deserve it, so take no more. I'm cheering you on.

[not quite right]

I realize it's not as easy as I make it sound. It took me long time to become who I am today & my early years were much like yours. I finally got to the point where I didn't care if I was liked, and it sounds like you're not being treated well even though you try to be agreeable. If they're gonna treat you badly, then who cares what they think. Even someone as disturbed as myself can treat people with common decency. If they can't, then I think their issues are deeper than yours. You are better than that & I hope you can surround yourself with people who appreciate who you really are. Best of luck.

[JadeAmethyst]

I too am an introvert. It really does have its gifts being this way...just different. I find it's much easier when I allow others to earn my trust. It doesn't mean you are unfriendly, it's just the world, internet, people in general family, friends all change and so do we. Being you is the most important person you live with.

best of luck
Jade

[realizer]

I am introvert too and my home is my sanctuary in terms of character, creativity, focus, mood and it's my recharging place. However I can be quickly discharged and become morally exhausted by simple phone call but it depends on what tone I am being talked at, on my mental clarity and quickness to understand what I being told, on my ability to resist fear-based anxiety and avoid potential panic attack where I become locked up, being unable to be myself and thin rationally. That's one case which can get through my sanctuary and get me. There's another less probable with visits to my door by strangers.

Most often it's when I am away from sanctuary that I start discharging slowly. I try to avoid places where conflicts might arise and stupid situations might get perceived on a too deep mental level that can discharge me instantly and it will take at least half day to recharge. This also applies to above situation and usually next morning I feel better.

Like @jk2833 said about self-analysis of conversations I have this as well. I often think about such situations and how will this be in future. How will I live with that and how my career will be. I often recall past situations that resulted in PTSD or something that made me feel bad enough that day that I can't erase it from memory even after 7 years. I guess I look on other "normal" people and maybe envy in how I would like be like them because problems that I have are joke to them. I keep this self-analysis (usually when being stressed or having anxiety because this takes me back to past) and criticize myself why when when something happens every time I fall for it again without learning the lesson and become better. But I think each has his own probems in this life even if we desire to switch places with others but maybe others have problems that we would not be able to deal with? Maybe our life circumstances are consequences of our karmic past doings and we are here to bare the punishment by suffering but eventually becoming stronger versions of ourselves by finding our places where we belong?

[CosmicRose]

Your fears are not irrational, but since we live in a society surrounded by humans it is best to try to find ways to manage your fears so that your life is better overall and you feel happier inside. I am also an introvert, I've also had a few close calls in my life, and I was raised in a very unstable and abusive household. I have PTSD now in my early 20s and often see that the world is a dangerous place. However I also realize that human beings are really just animals, like every other animal on this planet. Humans are just like dogs or cats or birds or fish or alligators or deer or wolves or elephants, except we can talk and actually voice our thoughts and feelings onto other people.
So just be aware that you are living in a sophisticated jungle...and that's really all it is. Take care of yourself and forget the rest.

[vital]

Originally Posted by SomeoneToTrust

Hi not quite right,
I know people will continue to push me around if I let them to do it. But the point is I'm very scared to confront others. I've never been rude to others but why others are being rude to me? Yes I've met good people in my life who are really polite and gentle but unfortunately I stumble upon mostly those who are just the opposite. I want to be treated well. Can you please tell me how to behave with others so that they stop make fun of me and also how I can stand up to people?

Hi SomeoneToTrust,

People push you around because people have a c h a r m i n g instinct to attack or take advantage of someone who shows fear or uncertainty. You can see it on the playground. You can see animals do it all the way down to insects.

I also have a suggestion for what to do. It is an indirect solution, but I do believe that it will work. Go to this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

and follow the instructions for "SNAP CLUB". This will get you in touch with the inner part of yourself that decides things. If you keep doing this, you'll see that you develop the calm confidence that comes from knowing and feeling that you are in charge of your own life. One of the side benefits of this is that you will find that people no longer instinctively attack or take advantage of you.

- vital