[Rubylizard]

has anyone on here gotten married who has bad anxiety problems? i'm sure someone has.....stupid question! can you give me any advice or tips on how to survive? my T says to just take things minute by minute, but that is so hard!

[Direction]

That does sound like good advice. When I got married I had this thing about constantly checking the clock. For our honeymoon I promised to leave my watch at home.

At the airport, my new wife saw that I was just bursting with out being able to see the time on my wrist. She had secretly brought my watch in her purse and handed it to me. As she is now my "x", I look at that as one of the most understanding and compassionate actions she did during our 10 year marriage. I'm sure there are others, but the minute by minute comment jogged my memory of this experience.

Does your fiance know about the anxiety? Is it the 22 days or the actual day you are concerned about? or both?

One thing as I think back I wish I did was to have some kind of "look" or "sign" to tell her that I reached my limit on something. There could have been some kind of plan where we excused ourselves from the situation for a period of time. Or something she could do that would reassure that everything was going to be fine.

Not sure if any of this helps...

[lou234]

Hi there - I suffer with OCD and got married 6 weeks ago in Sri Lanka. Before I went I was in a bit of a state but I dont know why I was because everything was so perfect and went without a hitch - a really enjoyable day and looking back now I have no idea why I was so anxious about it.

All I can advise is dont get yourself worked up and just enjoy the day - I was so anxious about mine - couldnt sleep, having nightmares etc etc and it really wasnt worth the worry.

Why are you anxious about the wedding?

[Rubylizard]

what is there not to be anxious about? i'm worried about the weather, if people will be on time, etc...... the usual things that every bride probably worries about.

but specific to me, i am worried that im' going to feel sick all day and ruin it for myself. my anxiety is such that when i feel any sort of emotion very strongly good or bad, i get anxious. when i get anxious my stomach goes haywire and i feel sick. i have a phobia of vomiting, so then i get more anxious. then i get more nauseated, then more anxious until a snowball of anxiety happens and i start having panic attacks left and right. THAT is what i am anxious about.
i get anxious like this when i go to OTHER people's weddings because i am so happy for them.

i can't just "not get myself worked up" if i could do that i wouldn't have an anxiety problem.

i know nothing is really worth being anxious about in this situation. and i may be fine once the thing gets started..... but i might not. and that is another thing that scares me. not knowing what is going to happen!

i also don't want to take too much medicine and end up feeling like a zombie.

i like the suggestion that Direction gave above, having a look or sign to indicate to my fiance that we need to leave the situation for a while.
i've told my maid of honor that she's going to get a bag of drugs and dispense them to me as needed throughout the day! and also to smack me back into reality.

there will be so many people and it will be such a whirlwind.

i'm excited about it and very happy! but that's what i'm scared of!

[ickydog2006]

I too get really nauseated when anxious and then worry about throwing up which just makes me more sick to my stomach. One of the things that helps me is to have a bag close at hand and to know where all the trash cans are so if I do throw up it won't be that big of a deal. Also I'll sometimes have someone there to help keep me distracted by asking me questions that I have to think about. Especially math questions. Some simple like 2 X 4, and some more complex like 12 X14. It works best if they are questions that I can answer if I think about them.

Hope that helps some

Congratulations and good luck.

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Rubylizard said:
has anyone on here gotten married who has bad anxiety problems? i'm sure someone has.....stupid question! can you give me any advice or tips on how to survive? my T says to just take things minute by minute, but that is so hard!

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Hi Ruby! First of all, congratulations! I got married a year and a half ago. I have a lot of anxiety problems, and I was really worried because when my anxiety kicks in, my stomach goes. All I kept thinking was that I would have to run away from the ceremony into the bathroom! Above all, I was worried that my anxiety would ruin my wedding. My panic and anxiety has ruined so much in my life-- my prom, concerts, dinners, high school and college graduations-- I just wanted to have my day.

So the day of my wedding arrives-- I am abnormally NOT nervous or anxious (for most of the time!). It was so weird. I didn't evern feel like myself. I couldn't believe I was getting married, I couldn't believe the day arrived-- it was so surreal to me, I think it canceled out the panic. I loaded up on Immodium and Xanax before the ceremony, just in case. LOL, I only took one of each, actually. I took my pictures before the wedding which really helped to have fun and relax. It let me feel out how things were going to go. I had a wonderful night.

Funny anxiety story of my wedding day: of course the day couldn't take place without at least one anxiety thing happening. I mean, c'mon-- this is me we're talking about. Me and the girls were getting our makeup done at my mom-in-law's house. All of a sudden, the nerves did hit me. I decided I was going to drive up to CVS to get some Immodium. At this point, I had already gotten my hair done, so it was in this big, fancy updo with a gorgeous tiara. Other than that, I was wearing jeans and a strapless top. So as I'm driving to CVS, the stomach pains hit me and I know I won't make it. I had to make a decision. I pulled into a pizza shop and RAN in with my fancy hairdo straight to the bathroom and was in there for like 15 minutes! To this day, my mother-in-law and I still crack up about this because they still order from that pizza shop. After this little mishap, I was fine.

I think you will be fine. Just relax, let others take care of you. It's your day. Haha, this bride looks like she's wearing a wig of gray hair.

[(JD)]

I think remembering that it WILL be a whirlwing would be a good thing. That's why you have video and photographs to remind you or show you want you "missed." LOL If everything between you and your fiance is good, then you really don't have big concerns. Yes, it might rain, and yes something might happen that could seem insurmountable, but what the guests come for is to see the two of you begin your new life as a married couple. GO with everything with a good attitude and smile, and you will enjoy it...

I understand you might not feel you can do that with so much anxiety... but staying grounded in that thought will help you truly enjoy the day... nothing can stop the love you have, and as long as you are both there, the minister/justice of the peace and a witness or two you will be married that day!

PS nothing ever goes completely "right".. there are just so many things involved... so take the best that the day gives you...

Best wishes!

[tiodlliwi]

I got married 2 1/2 years ago. My fiance and I opted to have a weekend wedding with just our immediate family and closest friends. We did this for many reasons- it was just more "us", more time with the people who mean the most to us, etc. But mainly because I was terrified of having a large (or even "regular-sized"!) wedding. I admire every single person on here who deals with anxiety/panic but was able to make it through their wedding day! I didn't even have the courage to try- don't get me wrong, I really wouldn't change a thing about my wedding, it is just sometimes sad always having to take anxiety into account.
My anxiety now has gotten worse for me and is pretty situational. For example, one of my best friends recently got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I told her that while I was honored, I just didn't think I could handle being in front of 300+ people.

My point here is, you will have a wonderful day and although I don't know you, I am so very proud of you because to me, someone who can conquer these fears/anxieties/panic attacks is equivilent to someone who climbs Mt Everest!

Good luck and let us know how great it all turns out.

[Parker10]

Best wishes ! Yes, I got married during my panic days....almost 25 years ago. I didnt know I had panic disorder at the time, but I knew "something" was wrong. I took the Immodium as a precaution, had my Matron of Honor full of things to whisper to me to keep my thinking about what she was saying (WHO CARED what that minister was saying ! LOL ), and I lived to tell about it, and am still married. I truly think anyone getting married is anxious about lots of things on their wedding day. Good luck to you and I hope for you and your intended a long and happy life !

There are lots of little things you can do - wear a rubber band even on a finger or wrist if it wont show, and be able to pull that sucker back and snap so you can think about the PAIN rather than the anxiety. You can count backwards by 7's from 1000, you can sing the song "B-I-N-G-O" leaving off the last word the first time, last 2 words the next round etc....in your mind of course ! Learn proper diaphragmatic breathing to keep symptoms at bay, betwen now and the big day, have a "Worry Hour" where for one solid hour, no interruptions, you sit and WORRY about everything you need to worry about, and then worry some more...at any other time of the day you start to worry - say "STOP !!!!!!!!! This is not the hour I am allowed to worry, I CHOOSE to wait until __:00"........be sure to pick the hour not to interfer with the time of your wedding :-) In the next 20 days.....you will have spent ALOT of hours worrying about anything and everything that you think you need to worry about - and on your wedding day, you will be FREE from worry - because it will not be at the "allowed hour" to worry......... ohhhhhhh, the little tricks we learn when dealing with years of panic and anxiety ! Good luck !!!!

[Juliana]

Hi Rubylizard. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

I think everyone gets nervous about weddings, but when you have anxiety problems of course it's more nerve-wracking. My anxiety makes me nauseous and gives me IBS attacks. You could use an anti-nauseant -- something natural that won't make you drowsy. I like ginger capsules to keep the nausea away. Drinking ginger herbal tea helps too. Knowing that I have taken something that has anti-nauseant properties also lessens my fear of getting nauseous or sick to my stomach. I also take an Imodium just in case for really important events.

I learned a technique for dealing with the lightheadedness that goes with my anxiety too. I actually saw this on Dr. Phil. If you have to stand for a long time -- like standing at the altar -- and you start feeling lightheaded and nauseous, flex and unflex your leg muscles while you're standing there. I forget WHY it works -- something to do with bloodflow. Apparently, it's what pilots flying at Mach speeds do so they don't pass out or throw up.

I was having my haircut one day (I had very long hair at the time) and the stupid stylist made me stand up for the entire time. I started panicking and getting nauseous and feeling like I was going to pass out... Then I remembered that episode of Dr. Phil, and started flexing and unflexing my leg muscles, and very quickly I started feeling better. I did that throughout the haircut, and felt fine.

If you have some techniques and precautions in place -- just in case -- it might make you feel calmer so you can just enjoy your day. All the best!!!

[Rubylizard]

thanks guys for the support and suggestions. keep'em coming if you've got them!

luckily i won't have to stand for long during the ceremony, it will last all of 10 minutes most likely! but i'll be on my feet for the reception!

my maid of honor is going to be armed with my benzos, ginger and my stronger anti-nausea drugs. i'll probably be taking a compazine for my precautionary therapy.......if i'm anxious enough, even that won't make me sleepy! i have emetophobia (did i mention that before) (fear of vomiting) so NOT feeling sick to my stomach is a big key to this thing being of any pleasure to me at all.

one thing i've thought of on my own is to break down the whole day by fifteen minute incriments.... i'll have someone help me check each one off as they go..... this for some reason relaxes me and makes time go by, if i'm feeling anxious. i used to do it in high school too when i was bored in class. i would draw big numbers on my notepaper and color them in with my pen with different patterns......... marking certain amounts of minutes until class was over. the only way i got through pre-calculus!!!!

[Juliana]

It sounds like you have everything covered. I think you're going to have a great day! I have emetephobia too. That is my primary, HUGE phobia... and was a major contributing factor in my 3 years of agoraphobia. You sound so much like me... I always have my benzo -- Clonazepam; my anti-nauseants -- Diphenhydramine, Stemetil, Scopolamine or Phenergan; and my natural remedies -- ginger capsules and little peppermints; as well as Nexxium (my GERD pills) and Imodium in my purse... just in case. (I'm a walking pharmacy ). I also keep ginger and peppermint tea bags and soda crackers in my desk at work. All those things are my "security blankets."

Have a great time at your wedding. Enjoy it! Congratulations!