[lenjan]

I'm starting to have panic attacks at the thought of having to go to work. Walking in the door takes my breath away, literally. Sitting here makes me sick to my stomach. The last time this happened, I ended up in the hospital plus on an additional pdoc-enforced "vacation" for 3 weeks and wound up having to change jobs.

Anybody else go through this?

Candy

[pegasus]

There was a time when anxiety ruled my whole life, couldn't go out at all, certainly couldn't hold down a job.

But I've had a lot of therapy (over 5 years now)...............still going.

Life has changed for me, I have a job but yes there are days when it is difficult to get to work.

Hang in there (((((((((((( Candybear ))))))))))))) it will and does get better.

[pegasus]

Actually, who am I kidding! I only work one or two hours a day irl. That's all I'm capable of.

Life stinks.

[Juliana]

Hi Candy, is it your job that's contributing to your anxiety? Or do you think you would feel that anxious even if you were somewhere else? I've been in both situations and I know how awful it feels.

When I had panic attacks and agoraphobia, it was being away from my safe place (home) that caused my anxiety. Meds and therapy helped me get over that.

I started having anxiety at my job before Christmas and it was because I hated my job. I didn't feel appreciated. I was angry that I was overworked and underpaid and felt like I was being nit-picked all the time. Once I decided that I was going to find something new and put my mind to looking for other jobs, my anxiety went away... because I had hope of getting the heck out of there. I have a different job now and I enjoy it and feel appreciated and my anxiety
level has gone WAY down.

So, do you think you need therapy to help you deal with your anxiety or do you think you need a different job? Or both? Don't forget that you have options. There are things you can do that can help you feel better.

[lenjan]

I think it's a combination of things. I moved to a new town across the state to take the job and am not comfortable here yet. I haven't been interested in what I've had to do lately, which is affecting my attitude. I've also had a manic and now a huge depressive episode (in the middle of it) since coming here. My boss doesn't know about my mental health issues, just sees I'm not producing and not coming to work. I keep waiting for the hammer to drop every day I go in and he wonders where my stuff is. (Of course, I'm working on 2 things I don't have a deadline for, which isn't helping.)

The last time I had this level of anxiety about a job, it really was the job. This time there's so much to sort out I don't know what it is! but I'm starting to get afraid of being fired.

Candy

[Juliana]

Sweetie, that sounds really tough. Do you have a support system in the new town or are you on your own?

Not finding your work interesting is probably contributing to your anxiety. That's what happens to me. If I'm not really interested and focused on what I'm doing, my mind wanders and that's when the anxiety creeps in and takes over. Not having deadlines doesn't help. I NEED deadlines to keep me moving.

Have you talked to your boss at all about why you have missed work? Perhaps if you knew you were ill, that might make you feel more relaxed. He might be very understanding. If you don't feel comfortable with that, maybe you could just set up a meeting with him and tell him you want to discuss how you're doing at the job and what his expectations are. It's common in new jobs to wonder if we're doing enough and worry that we're not as productive as we THINK we should be. Your boss would probably appreciate you being proactive in that way and you might get some clearer parameters -- rather than feeling like you're aimlessly plugging away at projects with no deadline. What I have found many times is that my own expectations for myself are much higher than others' expectations. You might find out from your boss that he thinks you're doing great and then you could stop worrying so much... or he might give you some clearer direction so you feel more on top of things.

Getting at least some things into the open might help alleviate some of your anxiety. It's sounds like you're worrying so much about the unknown and dreading the worst. I've been there. I know what it feels like... and the anxiety just multiplies. You need to do something that makes you feel like you have a bit more control.

[lenjan]

That's a big part of it, too -- no support system at all. No friends, no T, hate my pdoc but can't really change because there just aren't that many to choose from here, it's a really rural area.

So far I deal with it by sleeping all the time, which I am now going to go do some more.

[Juliana]

Sleep well sweetie. I hope you feel better soon. You always have a support system here.