I Have No Chance of Getting Help

And I honestly mean that. I believe that I've been slowly developing anxiety over the past six years or so. It most likely started after severe verbal and physical bullying that occurred throughout all of middle school. I've been fairly good at shrugging it off, with anxiety attacks only hitting when something reminds me of how I felt back then. I am currently eighteen years old, and I'm trying my best to enjoy my senior year of high school. However, that's starting to look impossible.

99% of my time is eaten up by schoolwork. 99% of my time is also eaten up by constant worry about my schoolwork/homework, expectations, friends, and my future career plans.

It doesn't help that my dad has (quite literally overnight) become completely dead to me. He won't speak to me (hasn't in four days), won't react to anything I say to him, and leaves the house and doesn't come home until a ridiculous time of night (as in 2 am or so). And yet, he constantly dotes on me to other people about how proud he is of me (he has a funny way of showing it, huh?).

My mom won't do anything about it, and just shrugs it off as him "being a man", as she says. She's also the type of parent who believes that today's society is too "soft" and "wimpy". As a result, she refuses to believe that I could have any sort of issues, saying that I just need to "buckle down and get over it". Believe me, I would if I could.

Ranting aside, I'm also seeing things out of the corners of my eyes, including a very distinct, tall shadow that I nicknamed Anxiety. I've never seen anything out front, just out of my peripheral vision. I've also been hearing things, such as a woman whispering in my ear, and someone calling my name. I don't know if these are symptoms of anxiety, or something worse.

Now, why can't I get help for this issue? A few big, sorry reasons:
1: My mom has too much on her mind already, and would never believe me.
2: We don't have the money to afford therapy or counseling, and
3: We don't have (nor can we afford) health insurance.

So basically, I've been sent down the river without a paddle. It's really starting to hurt me; I barely eat, can't sleep for more than 2-3 hours a night, and don't feel like doing the things that I love the most.

Why have I overloaded you with this information? Because I don't know what to do. Any kind of advice, coping strategies, or anything of the sort would be greatly appreciated. I'm not asking for a diagnosis, just advice on how to deal with anything I've talked about.

Hi, I don't have much good advice but I do feel for your situation. Is there a community mental health clinic or center in your area? Sometimes they will take people on on a sliding scale, or Medicaid might pay for it. Try to check out what options there may be for you in your area. I wish you the best of luck.

A community mental health clinic, like Angelique said, could be a good place to start. If your school has a counsellor, I would suggest talking to them.

Being 18 and in your senior year of high school, it is completely normal to feel stressed and anxious. Remember, there's nothing inherently wrong with these feelings, but it does sound like it's taking a toll on your mental and physical health. And I know that sucks, because it can cause even more stress to know your health isn't in good shape. This can create kind of a messy domino effect. Just know that you CAN take control of your situation and return to good health. If local clinics or school counsellors are not an option, you could read up on some anxiety-reduction techniques. Most techniques are fairly simple and do not require much time or energy to do. PsychCentral has some articles that may help (e.g., 9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now | Psych Central). And there's plenty of other sites or books that offer similar strategies. I personally find mindfulness meditation and physical exercise to help with my anxiety and panic attacks.

BRWriter, every single American is entitled to healthcare at this time. No one should go without it. I don't know which state you're in, but if your family is too low-income to pay for health insurance you are eligible for medicaid, which is free healthcare. Use Google to find out where your local medicaid office is (it will be a county office in your town or city). Go there and apply for healthcare. If your parents aren;t taking care of this, you have to do it for yourself. Persist. Once you are on medicaid you can get help for your mental health issues. There is no reason for you to suffer like you are.

Unfortunately, this isn't true for adults if they live in one of the 22 states that have refused to expand their Medicaid programs to people with incomes below the cut-off for being eligible for subsidies.

That doesn't mean that you can't get Medicaid or CHIP (Children's Health Insurance Program) for yourself, though, BRWriter. You can go straight to your local Medicaid office, or you can call United Way at 211 and explain your situation to see what they suggest.

I'm not trying to diagnose your condition, BR, but I will say that I've had the types of mild hallucinations that you're talking about before at a time when I was experiencing extreme stress and anxiety. I especially saw the shadowy type figures that you mentioned.

This is a link that talks about the types of hallucinations that people most commonly experience with extreme anxiety. The page keeps asking you to take a test. I didn't take it, so I don't know anything about that part of the page. I just thought it was a good description of the hallucinations.

It sounds like something's going on with your father. I mean, mood-wise. He may be really stressed out about something. What you said about him being awful to you but then saying good things about you to other people completely reminded me of my dad. That's exactly what he used to do with me when I was your age. I never knew until once I ran into someone that worked with my dad and this person started saying how much my dad talked about me and how proud he was of me. I was completely stunned. I thought he thought I was a total loser. Some people think if you tell your child that you're proud of him that it will be bad for his character. Go figure.

One more thing about health care coverage - since you're under 19, you are potentially also eligible for CHIP - children's health insurance program. If you want to take a look at a quick page that can tell you if you might be eligible, look here.

I think calling 211 is an excellent idea, because that link ^^^ for medicaid offices does not give anywhere near a full list of offices. 211 would be able to give the address for your local office.

Be aware that the test on the anxiety page tries to spam your email with something to sell. You have to provide your email address to get the results of your test.

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate the help, and I think I'll see my school counselor in the morning. My mom might not listen to me, but hopefully she'll listen to them.

Great to hear! I hope the meeting goes well. Feel free to keep us updated.

Please keep us updated, BRWriter. I'm wishing the best for you. I know there is help for you.

hi BRwriter

I am sorry that you have been bullied at school. That can really great havoc with self-esteem and confidence. There is, however, a kind of healing, meditation, you can do about that. You can visualize yourself as an adult going into those scenes and embracing your inner child and filling it with your healing love and doing that repeatedly will help with these memories. People that have a religious faith visualize God doing this for them. But reminding yourself that the bullying is in the past when you start to think about it might help.

Are you in therapy for your anxiety? That can give you a really good coping skills for dealing with it. Amazon does have some self-help literature on the use of acceptance and commitment therapy for dealing with anxiety conditions. These may be available. Even from the public library. Research has revealed that, trying to get rid of these feelings doesn't work. What does work is accepting them, saying to yourself I am experiencing anxiety and observing that as it passes through your mind while at the same time getting on with the business of the day. Worked for me and will for you. But if you are getting good grades for your assignments you are doing really good and should feel confident about future progress and reminding yourself of your successes would bolster confidence when you get worried about future assignments.

Neither of your parents really understand about anxiety, and that is because they have never suffered from it as a disorder. I was just wondering whether your school has a school counselor that you could see about this? They could refer you to a therapist who would help. And there are free clinics where therapy is freely available. There may be one in your area. Have you spoken to your family doctor about this problem?

This voice you have been hearing might go away. But you can start dialoguing with this asking it. What it wants and even negotiating with it only to speak with you at a fixed time for a half an hour each day. There are people who hear voices and there is the hearing voices network and even therapy for dealing successfully with this problem, but that would only become necessary. If the problem increased which it may not. And don't worry if it does, because it can be dealt with. There is the book called living with voices the account of how 50 people overcame this problem successfully, which is available on Amazon. However, going there might not be necessary.

The self-help literature I mentioned may be available from the public library in any case. Used copies of it are more cheaply available also from eBay and Amazon. Googling how to cope with anxiety on the Internet would bring up much useful information. Take care. I hope and pray everything will get much better for you soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis