[SweetSunshine]

Thats something I always tell people when they are feeling anxious, cant think clearly, got too much going on.. but yet I cant get myself to do it. I try.. but something in me just wont let it happen. I cant stop crying.. and when I try to talk about things.. it makes it worse and I feel like I am shaking like when one has the chills.

My scariest thought right now.. is that I just want it all to end.
I cannot deal with life right now. I am so scared about the biopsy, terrified of what they might find. Afraid for my dad coming home. And if something happens .. will I be blamed. Will I still have to have the heart cath.. and will they find anything with that.. what if I need surgery then if they do? And then.... I know this should be the last of my worries.. but I have been sooo looking forward to this vacation. I dont want anything to mess it up. I NEED this break away from stuff here at home. I need to feel some peace in my life. And if I dont take it now that I have it planned.. when will it ever happen? I just want to be normal, happy , healthy and feeling like I got something to look forward to in life instead of having to deal with my dads care, and my problems. I love my dad. I dont want anything to happen to him. I just cant handle making the decisions right now.

The wheels in my head go round and round.....

(((((((((SweetSunshine)))))))))) I'm sorry you have to go through so much. You're in a very difficult time.
You've got a lot on your plate. Health issues are the absolute worst because they can be so scary. You can get through this. I know it seems like too much for you to handle right now but you ARE handling it. You're going to be okay.
I guess there's nobody to help you out with your Dad right now? It must be hard to feel so bad and scared for yourself and then have to worry and take care of your Dad on top of it-'cause then you have the guilt of not wanting to do it. Grrrrr!
(((((((((((SweetSunshine)))))))))))))
Keep talking with us. You can do this! Take it one step at a time. You'll get your vacation but stressing yourself out with worry isn't going to help you to get there, okay? Try to stay strong and brave. Keep repeating to yourself that you're going to be okay-you can do this-everything is going to be fine. Then after you finish saying that-inhale very deeply. Keep doing that throughout the day.
I'll be sending up prayers for you and your Dad. (((((((((Sweetsunshine's Dad))))))))))))))))

[Direction]

[bebop]

((((beth))))