[ImNotHere]

Growing up I was very emotionally neglected, no one gave me attention or spent time with me. I remember feeling so lonely and wanting to die at 9 years old. I have also struggled with making friends and keeping them my entire life.

I am trying to move on but I can't seem to let go of the fact that my parents did not give me enough attention (it may sound stupid saying it as an adult but the fact is it greatly shaped the depressed person I am today) and making me feel worthless.

It has distorted my view of things so much that when I notice people aren't giving their kids enough attention I get angry (I don't mean if they only do it a little or once in a while but people who really don't put the effort in to spending time with their kids). I know some of this is based on truth - that they aren't spending enough time with kids but some of it is me projecting my issues on to people I barely know.

I know some will say "get over it" or talk to your family but they don't recognize that they have done anything wrong. I don't know how to just get over this.

I have severe anxiety, depression and avpd. Therapy and medication have yet to help me.

[BlueinOhio]

Originally Posted by ImNotHere

Growing up I was very emotionally neglected, no one gave me attention or spent time with me. I remember feeling so lonely and wanting to die at 9 years old. I have also struggled with making friends and keeping them my entire life.

I am trying to move on but I can't seem to let go of the fact that my parents did not give me enough attention (it may sound stupid saying it as an adult but the fact is it greatly shaped the depressed person I am today) and making me feel worthless.

It has distorted my view of things so much that when I notice people aren't giving their kids enough attention I get angry (I don't mean if they only do it a little or once in a while but people who really don't put the effort in to spending time with their kids). I know some of this is based on truth - that they aren't spending enough time with kids but some of it is me projecting my issues on to people I barely know.

I know some will say "get over it" or talk to your family but they don't recognize that they have done anything wrong. I don't know how to just get over this.

I have severe anxiety, depression and avpd. Therapy and medication have yet to help me.

I understand how it's hard to "just let go" or to "just get over it" because I get how it feels to not have that love or attention as a child myself. My mother was very self-centered and a drug addict & alcoholic. My entire life she has only cared about herself (Im 40 now). It hurts when you never got hugs or had the mom that baked you cookies. Even now my mom cares more about her drugs and druggie friends than she does myself or my 10 year old son. I even as a teen and in my 20's was suicidal. I think the only way to let go and heal is to talk to other's who understand. All I know is the one good thing it taught me is that I never wanted to be like her and we are complete opposites. Now I just need to break the co-dependent relationship we have. I've always been the one who acts like her mother instead of her stepping up to the plate and being mine. Keep your chin up! And remember to love yourself first and foremost.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi. When you work on your own self worth and self esteem you'll be less needy.
There's nothing that can change the past, but how we view the past makes all the difference.

I was shipped from house to house. Had only negative reinforcement from my mom and step dad.

Possible trigger:

I was abused sexual by my psychiatrist for so many years.

So in your case you can look at the past neglect and say,"Good. It's made me a stonger person.". Maybe what they had to give was toxic and you're lucky they didn't harm you that way.

There's a great book called The Power of Now. Elkhart Tolle. Or get it on cd.
It talks about the pain body- your neglect. And what to do about it.

It is important to stay in the present moment no matter what. We no longer have the past. We don't yet have the future. We only have the present. Now. Don't waste it.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I just want to say that reading your post sounds like my own life story as a child. My mother passed when I was 9 and my father had girlfriends and partying, drugs ect around my whole childhood. I would harm myself for attention and act out a lot with no luck. I was very emotionally and physically abused by him and my half sisters mother. Because of this I have PTSD and major abandonment and trust issues. Unfortunately I find that I try to compensate in my relationships. Always being scared I will be left or hurt. I also have BPD that causes me to act out for attention no matter how much it harms me. I am diagnosed BP2, anxiety, PTSD, BPD and addict and yea, meds only go so far here. I believe therapy and building self esteem is very important in this situation. However I suck at taking my own advise. Whenever I see a therapist they bring up my childhood and I just cry the whole time. So therapy is very much avoided but I know I need it. Just know that you are indeed worthy of love and you don't deserve to feel hurt and pain anymore. Work on yourself from the right meds to positive affirmations. Be careful in your love life and don't search for love in dangerous places. Learn what's healthy and what is not.



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