[Kellarella]

Hey everyone,

I am in a sticky situation with work at the moment, would really appreciate some ideas on what people think the best option for me would be!

I started a new job 3 weeks ago along with doing full time uni, its 5 nights a week, night work till 12:30am, its mail sorting, quite physical work on machines and also hand sorting and data entry.

I should have known, I took the job too quick without thinking, and now I cant cope.

Pretty much from the first week I have been a wreck, I haven't been able to sleep, been extremely anxious to the point of working myself up so much my mum had to come to my house to settle me down and send me off to work. I am just not coping. To be honest I can't even pin point what I am actually so worked up about, but I am assuming it is the job... I am so nervous to go, the thought of 5 nights a week is so daunting and then all my uni work on top just freaks me out. Every day before work I am anxious, nervous, angry, sad.. I have cried pretty much every night before going into work.

now to the actual problem hehe... I am on trial for 3 months, then they have the choice to offer me permanent position. I am quite sure they will as they need the employees and have been talking to me about things 6 months down the track etc.

But... we all had a big meeting the other day, and it was made very clear the this job is 5 nights, no excuses (there are others doin the same as me) Which brings me to my problem. I cannot do 5 nights, there is no way.. I am not even in exam time at uni when it will be the most stressful, I can say for sure right now, If I am still working 5 nights then, I will completely crack.

I have talked to heaps of people about this, some say wait till the end of the trial, then ask to drop my hours, which will put them in a position where they are more likely to compromise considering I have been trained etc.
Some have said, if this is eating you up inside and you really cant cope, you have to do something now.

I think, that after that meeting, now would be the perfect time to go see my boss, as if I do leave it, he is going to say 'why didnt u mention this when I said this job is a definate 5 nights?'

But... because I have only been there 3 weeks, I am not really an asset to them at the moment, they can get rid of me quite easily, so going to them now, may backfire on me.

I am soooo confused. I want to drop from 5 nights to 3 but am willing to work the 5 nights till the end of my trial, as I think that is fair, if I know that its only 5 nights for another 8 weeks, then I can do 3, I will be ok, I think.

But this anxiety is really really bad. I have just had 4 days off for easter, and have not been able to stop thinking about it, I still haven't been able to sleep, was up still at 4:30am this morning. Pretty much the whole day I am uptight and anxious, and have a few times, completely freaked out about life in general, about how nothing is right, I am hopeless, cant do anything... my heart races and I just completely freak out.

I should mention here, I have previously suffered with generalised anxiety a year ago, but before this was pretty much back to normal, until now... its back, and worse.

My family has been so weird about it, my dad is great and has said to me, remember its just a job, you dont have to do it, if it causes u stress, its not meant to be, just have a talk with them, if they cant offer you the hours u can cope with, then leave.

My mum completely freaked out about me and the way I was acting (I was crying, shaking, panicking etc) But now she has kind of gone the other way and is saying to me, u can do this kelly, 5 nights is ok, think of the money etc etc, and that makes me really upset, like nothing ever happened??

To be honest, I dont even know if I can cope with 3 nights, but thats the best option I can think of, because I dont want to leave completely, it is a great job, but I just know I cant keep going on like this. I am back at work tomorrow night and I am soooo anxious about it now, and its like 20 hours away hehe.

So.... I know this is so long and probably so confusing.. .but I guess I just want to know what people think. Do I go to them now, explain how I feel, that I am struggling and think 3 nights would be all I can do... or wait and just try and cope till the end of the trail then say to them??

And, any tips on not completely freaking out before going to see my boss, I am SO nervous to go talk to him, he is nice, but I am just really shy and will feel like an idiot telling him I cant cope, and probably get really upset... as he did ask me before I started whether this was going to be too much...

And also, the anxiety... do you think its the job? or even if I get what I ask for, 3 nights am I still going to be the same... like is there something really wrong that I need to see someone about??

If anyone manages to get through it all, I would really appreciate some ideas!!

Thanks

Kel xxx

[Kellarella]

As if this thread isnt long enough, haha... I wanted to just add a bit more about how I have been feeling lately, generally not just with the work issues... I dont feel like I have written everything down I wanted to!

suppose I should add some background here.. I suffered generalised anxiety disorder about ayear ago resulting from being on a jury, I had a panic attack in the court and it spiralled downwards from there, I went into a very very bad state of constant anxiety to the point of not feeling real at all, almost admitting myself to the hospital.

Over the year, I saw psychiatrists, psychologists, dr's etc to try and stop the cycle of anxiety, I was a mess. Eventually with meds, I regained my sanity as I say, and got back to pretty much normal... but now I think about it, I dont think I am the same as I was before it happened. I never had any problems at all, then all of a sudden 'bam' my whole life and grip on reality was gone.

Since then I have struggled with mood swings, from very sad, to happy, to scared etc.. this has gone on since then, but not bad enough fo do anything about, which I should have, because I think it has had something to do with the way I am reacting to this work situation.

I think I am one of those people that just cant handle anything, and I hate it. I have quit things before because I cant cope, and since starting this job, I have wanted to quit, but havent done it, because this time, I am not going to let it defeat me...

So many times in the past few weeks, I have felt so hopeless, like I am never going to be able to work, finish my degree, do anything.. and I hate feeling that way, but I cant stop it, and then it spirals into anxiety and I freak out. I was in the shower the other day and I all of a sudden felt like I couldnt breathe, I freaked out, my heart was racing, I had to say to myself, stop it.. you are only in the shower, nothing will happen... and that seemed to calm me down.

Overall, as well as this work issue, I just feel so unstable... like I am on the edge of losing it again.. and I am scared... The work problem is really causing me stress to the point of, if i dont sort it out, I will just quit to stop the stress... but overall, I just feel a mess.. one day I am ok, the next I cry, the next I am grumpy, sad, mad, lonely, anxious....

I feel better now that I have added that, hehe... so anyone who has managed to read the first one, and then this one... do you think the problem is with me... or the work?? I am starting to think its not the job, it really is me, and I need to sort it out....

Kel xxx

[Liberada]

(((((kel))))) I read both but I'm no help.

[techun5717]

Don't get ur self sick over it..........find something else........school is top priority...........

[sassypants]

Wow it really sounds as if you are having a lot of stress in your life right now. I admire you are still able to go to school
on top of the anxiety attacks. I just realized that you sent this
post in April and now it is July. I hope you went with your
gut feeling ,because I don't have any answers.

Take care

This 3 months is also <font color="blue"> your </font> time to decide if the job, employer, hours, tasks, etc are a match for <font color="blue"> you </font> . Taking this job has been a learning experience in that you've learned some things about what you want, what you like, what you need.

Look around to see what else might be out there that would be a better fit for you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing jobs.

Keep in mind though, that beginning any job is stressful--even a dream job--and will take some time to get used to.

(((( Kellarella )))) I'm sorry your mum missed the opportunity to comfort you and I think she was attempting to reassure you and support you by encouraging you to look at the benefits of the job.

You aren't stuck even though you may feel like you are. You can make changes and be more comfortable.

[Kellarella]

Wow, I didn't think this thread would reappear ;-) I started reading it, and it took me about 4 lines to realise I wrote it!!!

This all happened in April. In case anyone wants to know, I went to my boss and asked for 3 nights a week, which he replied, no its 5 nights or nothing. So i quit. Was really upset as I made friends and liked the job, but thats the way it went, I think i did the right thing by giving it a go and asking my boss for less hours.

Thanks for your replies, even though it is all over n done with now ;-)

Take Care

Kel xx