[brokenandalone1234]

I know all of you probably hoped I never posted here again. I just needed to get this off my chest. I completely hate myself. I feel like the only thing that would ever make me love myself is to bring a life into this world as in having a child of my own. I know parents here are going to say your stupid how in the heck could you bring a life into this world knowing that you don't love yourself. My life right now feels like it has no meaning or purpose. I know if I had a child that the feelings of self hate would stop my life would have meaning. I hate seeing woman who are pregnant because it reminds me that my own life is a waste of space and air. My fiance gets so mad at me sometimes he wants to wait 22 more days which is my 90 days at my work before we try to have a baby. He wants me to wait so I can get through it but I keep explaining to him that no would ever known at my work if we got pregnant now. He is worried I will get fired before my 90 days is up. He says with me still being in the first 90 days of employment that they can just walk up to me and say we don't like you your fired. The state I live in is not a right to work state they can fire you and don't have to give a reason. I haven't missed work and only left early one time which was yesterday due to a medical emergency I was having from a fast food resturant giving me something I am allergic to and I had to go to a med check to get it looked at because my eye swelled up due to it. I left two hours before my shift was up which by my works policy is half a point which means I don't even get wrote up nothing gets said to me. I won't be leaving early anymore and once I hit my 90 days I can get up to nine points before I lose my job. Right now 2 points gets me a write up and 5 causes me to lose to my job. I am a hard worker I even doubled my goal last month. I was only supposed to hit a goal of 1,500 and I hit over 3,000 which was good not bonuses level but for my first full month at my job was really good. I work hard every day I am never late and only left early one time which like I said was yesterday but it was beyond my control I had a medical emergency had I waited till the end of my shift I may not be here to bug you guys with my worthless life. I know a lot of this is very gloomy and it may sound like I want self pitty but trust me I don't. I just want to know how can I make it these next 22 days and know that what I want is coming soon and be happy with it. I don't have many friends so I spend a lot nights alone due to my fiance having a very active social life he has friends over all the time and I tend to hide myself away in our bedroom when they come over due to the fact that I hate being around large groups of people. I want to be happy with waiting 22 more days knowing the good that is going to come from waiting but I can't please help me be more patient sorry for wasting your time with this.

The biggest thing I can say is that you need to at least wait until its the right time and everything is lining up. 22 more days isnt long, and hey, you can even get in some practice for the big event. I know you feel this will change everything and turn everything around, but you also have to respect your fiance's thoughts in this as well. Forcing something on him thta he feels will be better if waited just a little longer could potentially put strain on your relationship. Keep your head up. This will happen for you. Maybe not right now, but it will.

[floridaman38]

First of all, nothing you post here in a waste of time. You have a need and you posted it and we are here to help you through it. I think that a plan needs to be in place for you. Set some goals for what you want to do and stick to them. If you start to feel overwhelmed and want to quit, take a breath, and write down your goals. Every time you feel this way take a look at your goals. If you need more help post on here and let us help you through. We will help the best that we can. I hope that you get to feeling better and gain strength to overcome this feeling of being a waste of space and air. You are not a waste of anything. Be strong and stand firm.

[CosmicRose]

My advice is - please do not assume just getting pregnant and having a baby will make you happier, that's an awfully big order to place on your baby. A person who chooses to get pregnant should always be happy with themselves first, and be in a good place emotionally before making such a huge commitment and such a drastic life change. The baby deserves a mother who is in a stable situation and emotionally content before it enters the world, that's just my personal opinion. Never assume a child will take away your problems, children add to life's problems because it is no cake walk.
It sounds to me like you're using a pregnancy to distract yourself from how you feel and you're assuming having a child will make you feel less worthless, but you shouldn't feel worthless anyway, and there's no guarantee a child will fix that problem for you.

You need to really ask yourself why you feel worthless and why you're assuming a child will make you feel differently. What are you trying to get? Unconditional love? That is not the child's job. The child will need to be nurtured, and you can't nurture something if you aren't nurturing yourself first.
So please try to be happy within yourself before you decide to get pregnant to replace the feeling of unworthiness.

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

My advice is - please do not assume just getting pregnant and having a baby will make you happier, that's an awfully big order to place on your baby. A person who chooses to get pregnant should always be happy with themselves first, and be in a good place emotionally before making such a huge commitment and such a drastic life change. The baby deserves a mother who is in a stable situation and emotionally content before it enters the world, that's just my personal opinion. Never assume a child will take away your problems, children add to life's problems because it is no cake walk.
It sounds to me like you're using a pregnancy to distract yourself from how you feel and you're assuming having a child will make you feel less worthless, but you shouldn't feel worthless anyway, and there's no guarantee a child will fix that problem for you.

You need to really ask yourself why you feel worthless and why you're assuming a child will make you feel differently. What are you trying to get? Unconditional love? That is not the child's job. The child will need to be nurtured, and you can't nurture something if you aren't nurturing yourself first.
So please try to be happy within yourself before you decide to get pregnant to replace the feeling of unworthiness.

What she said. You don't want to put a spin on your kid.

[brokenandalone1234]

Ok those 22 days came and went and still no baby. I still have no purpose in my life and the baby fever only gets worse by the day. I am not verge of throwing my morals out the window and tricking my fiance into having a baby because I can't wait any longer. I want a baby right now and I can't wait I may go crazy waiting. I hate my life and my life needs purpose and meaning and being a mother is the only thing that would give my life purpose and meaning.

[Artchic528]

You need help. Deceiving a man into conceiving a baby is a recipe for him leaving you all broken and alone.

Having a baby won't automatically give you purpose and magically fix everything. It just won't. Get that idea out of your head right now. It's not fair to the baby, nor your fiancé. Not one bit.

[kkrrhh]

I agree with the poster above.

Please, please do not do that to a (future) child. I'm sorry you're struggling so badly right now, but a baby is not going to fix it and it is incredibly selfish to bring a human being into the world in less than ideal circumstances with the expectation that it'll fix your life. Babies are living breathing individual beings who will have to grow up and live in the world dealing with whatever start they were given, not just some quick token to your happiness. The situation and timing already sounds less than ideal to bring a baby into, and especially if you're being that impatient and rash and would even be willing to do something like forcing your fiance into it, you need to just stop.

[pillid12]

It is for the best for the both of you to reach a mutual agreement. It might not be the time yet waiting a few more days or even months is not that long. He is not just thinking about himself or just for the both of you but instead for your whole family together with the child that you want.

[Unrigged64072835]

Having and raising a baby is a lot of stress. It's not going to help your self-hate at all. I speak from experience.

Does your job have insurance so you can get professional help? That's what would be more helpful now.