Should I tough this out, make myself go no matter what?

Should I go to dinner tomorrow with my son’s in-laws? It’s Easter and they are very nice people that I’ve known for several years. About three years ago I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. I have agoraphobia, panic and anxiety attacks, and social phobia. Yesterday I finally told them I would come to dinner and since then I’ve been sick with anxiety. A constant head ache, racing heart, crying. I’ve tried everything I learned in CBT. I’ve used music, guided mediation, the low dose Xanax the doctor prescribes for anxiety. I didn’t sleep last night. Should I tough this out, make myself go no matter what? Is that what I’m supposed to do? Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

We can't answer that as only you would know what's best for you. You're 'supposed' to take care of you - whichever choice that is.

For me personally though - anxiety is always worse on the build up to an event but the actual event never lives up to my fears and feelings before hand.

I also think your anxiety might be anticipatory anxiety. Once you're actually at the dinner, I'm betting you'll feel substantially calmer.

I agree with the above posters. One thing that I do is keep my Klonopin in my purse. Perhaps pick out your outfit ahead of time. Something you feel good/confident/attractive in and give yourself plenty of time to shower and get ready.

I think you can enjoy yourself, I have several anxiety disorders, too. I empathize with you and I stay home a lot, too. I go out to dinner or to the store, occasionally, and it's been OK the majority of the time.

Also, if you feel overwhelmed - excuse yourself from the table and go to the restroom. Take a breather, wash your hands, whatever. I do it a lot. Just separating myself from the stimulating environment for a few minutes helps me immensely. If you are very anxious upon entering the restaurant....it's a good time to "go visit the ladies room" while everyone orders drinks and gets seated -- tell someone what you want to drink and they can order for you while you collect yourself privately.

Let us know how it goes! Enjoy yourself!

It's hard to get though that anxiety, but it can be done. If you prepare ahead and remind yourself that it feels worse than it is, it could help.

Thank you all for helping me. I find such comfort on this site. I calmed down and prepared to go. I even baked. Unfortunately anxiety attacks exhaust me. It can take a few days to physically recover. Sunday morning my mood was good but I was too physically drained to go. I spent the day in bed too tired to do anything, even read. I was so disappointed in myself. I feel trapped in a cycle. I have an overnight trip planned for the end of the month. Wish me luck. Thanks again.

Please be gentle with yourself. Don't be disappointed with yourself although I know that's hard. I feel that way myself when I don't make my social events or doctor's appointments. You were physically drained that day and you needed rest. You seriously considered going and it just didn't work out THIS time. It's ok. Good luck on your overnight trip.

I agree with Jennifer....I certainly understand why you feel disappointed with yourself. But that exhausting anxiety is very, very difficult to live with. It seems to me that most of the people in the world have endless supplies of energy. The way my mental illness manifests, however, often leaves me completely depleted and unable to do anything except lie down. So...you're not alone. Beating up on yourself for having anxiety that leaves you depleted is an exercise in futility. Please be gentle with yourself.

It's been several days now and I am wondering how you did. I hope you managed.