[Leyla]

hi everyone,
i have posted about my work before, but long story short, i have been doing the same job for the last 15 years, the last 4 or 5 years, my manager has been on my case to paying more attention to detail, and the last year or two its about the amount of mistakes i have been making, she keeps harping on how i am a senior person i should not be making this many mistakes, in fact i should be at the stage of my career where i should mentoring other people. She said i don't know if your confidence is down, and i spoke up and said it has gone down, what i really wanted to say yes its gone down, because of her micro managing us and getting down on us for every mistake we make, i also wanted to say that i feel indirect pressure from her which causes me to rush through my work or get anxious... She knows about my anxiety, but has no compassion, her excuse is WE HAVE ALL ISSUES, deal with it. the only good thing she had to say was my a productivity was good last month, and that i take initiative in the dept, but that got put to side when she went back to all her negative things.

My question is how come every year i have always had HIGH PERFORMANCE, this year it may end up low because of the crap i have to hear from her, so why keep me, if my work is not so good than why i am still around 15 years later. ??

i have been working so hard on trying to stay positive, i keep telling myself its going to be a good day, and than someone has to stay something and i feel like crap... i am a very sensitive person so i do take things to heart, maybe not such a good thing, but can't help it this is the way God made me.

so i cried all the way home from work on and off, even my poor kids saw me and asked what happened.

i don't want to be force to quit, that would just give her quit satisfaction but at the same time i don't know how much longer i can take this... its starting to affect me physcially too, my doctor already upped my medication but i really don't think that is going to help the situation.

thanks for reading if you got this far.

Hello Leyla,
It actually sounds like your manager is the one with issues, not you. She doesn't seem like a good manager if she is constantly hovering and pointing out mistakes, or what she perceives as mistakes. I think some people like to take managerial jobs because they get to feel some sense of power. It sounds like she has control issues from what you describe. I hope that if you can shift your thinking from it being all you, to it being mostly her issues, maybe you can regain your confidence. It also sounds like you have been there longer than her. Maybe she feels intimidated by you because you probably know more than her. Hopefully your day will be better.

[Nicknamed Mouse]

I have found that sometimes management can use their position to take out their own frustrations on others. If your manager has some problems going on at home these last year's, she may have got into a habit of taking out on you.
That is not good for you and a difficult situation. You could try meditation. Try to over come the emotions first to look logically at the situation. Then I would write a letter to my manager sharing my own experience and how her actions may be causing me stress and lowering the standard of work. Give suggestion of what helps and motivates you when working. Offer a peace branch, a way forward to communicate. And keep a copy of your letter.
Hopefully, if she is a 'good' manager it may make her reflect and in turn help your working relationship.
If after trying this does not work, maybe you could go higher than her and see if there is somewhere else you could be more to? At that point you could share the steps you have taken so far to resolve this.
Hope this helps...

[Takeshi]

her excuse is WE HAVE ALL ISSUES

I'm with her, nobody here knows your boss, you maybe thinking that she treats you bad, members here seems to be taking the side of you, putting the blame on someone we barely know. From what you wrote, she's just doing her job, you called it her excuse, I see it's not. She may not be a perfect management person but I've read nothing unusual or cruel about your boss in your writing, long story short, I take a stand point of office environment fairness or whatever we may wanna call, does your company have any special policy regarding the mental illness, the anxiety issue that you've been under treatment?

My question is how come every year i have always had HIGH PERFORMANCE, this year it may end up low because of the crap i have to hear from her, so why keep me, if my work is not so good than why i am still around 15 years later. ??

The world is unreasonable, you sound unreasonable. The perspective weakness maybe coming from somewhere in your life, I don't believe in what you may think is the evidence/proof of your confidence that had sustained you, the 'high performance', you seem to be measuring this in the narrow band of consequences/job results as a proof just like your boss does, so it's logical for me to think that your confidence/self-esteem went down follwoing the outside influences.

Is she right, or am I right? Your post sounds like asking this question.

How skilled are the two of you at the job? I think you need to analyze things about you two and your co-workers' importance/productivity at the job. You'll never know how others operate, in any working environment, I suppose male|female thing can become an issues too, I can't tell too much from your original post. You're on this site posting, has it helped you in the past? Your emotional strength and job performance are on the two separate terrains, I guess you could use a lot more reexamination of that successful long career at your work, workforce these days are definitely a commodity, you're not exception to that.

One could ask questions if you want to hear answers from someone, that doesn't mean that you'll be getting an satisfactory answers. Asking that here leads you to more speculations, and these are very unreliable one at that. You're not efficient, I'm sorry to say but anyone could use more practicality/realism in their lives, how have you been surviving? There are enough bad people out there, that's just a fact of life, minded approach, awareful-ness, yoga?

Please see it as an opportunity to be a true performer in your life and for your families, by the way, I don't trust your doctoring, it's good business for them though. All time low, it's a critical moment, that has nothing to do with your boss.

[Leyla]

thank you both for your replies, i will be talking to couselor tonight through our Employee Assistance Program and hopefully she can suggest some things, a letter sounds good too. like i said she is picks on one person, makes them so miserable that they either quit or manage to get out of her dept. i seem to be her next target and with anxiety issues it doesn't help.

i will take to H/R but i am not sure how much they can do. Even her higher up will stand by her unfortnately.

anyways i appreciate the replies.

[Hairball]

This sounds all too familiar!! Why is it that bosses tear you down and then expect good performance out of you. Are u kidding me?

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Your plan is good. I hope this gives you some relief. I can totally relate but my boss was an out and out bully with a string of groupies who bullied me too. It did a number on me and I eventually had to leave to keep my sanity. I had a new, better paying job 2 days later and I bet you would as well with your experience. When she starts in on you is she vague or specific? Can you start documenting some of this stuff? Best wishes. Hugs coming your way.

[Leyla]

hi everyone
my anxiety was at all time high, i think i am letting her condensing ways and the way she talks to each of us get to me, and that in turn is causing me to make unecessary errors, i was pretty confident with my job up until till last summer when she started telling me i am making too many errors....i know she tells me to read the emails and that i need to pay more attention to detail more those are 2 biggest beefs. the problem is she has put one our coworker has her puppet, and this lady runs to her for every little question we ask or mistake we made, or say we forgot to save something, and some other dept is looking for it.... she will CC my manager to let her know we forgot to save it.

total micro managing going on... we cant even ask each other questions we have to go straight to the manager's puppet who is her unofficial trainer.

i am so ready to go on stress leave, because my whole body is tense, and i can't sleep properly at night either

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Leyla

hi everyone
my anxiety was at all time high, i think i am letting her condensing ways and the way she talks to each of us get to me, and that in turn is causing me to make unecessary errors, i was pretty confident with my job up until till last summer when she started telling me i am making too many errors....i know she tells me to read the emails and that i need to pay more attention to detail more those are 2 biggest beefs. the problem is she has put one our coworker has her puppet, and this lady runs to her for every little question we ask or mistake we made, or say we forgot to save something, and some other dept is looking for it.... she will CC my manager to let her know we forgot to save it.

total micro managing going on... we cant even ask each other questions we have to go straight to the manager's puppet who is her unofficial trainer.

i am so ready to go on stress leave, because my whole body is tense, and i can't sleep properly at night either

Maybe that's a good plan before you get so stressed you get sick. Good luck.

[Leyla]

i went to see my doctor she wants to give me anti-anxiety meds which i hate taking because in the past they made me so sleepy and i know they can be addictive.

she said you could go on stress leave but than i would be coming back to the same toxic environment, the only solution i can think of now is to be honest with my manager, in a non defensive way, that some of things she is saying is causing my anxiety to go through the roof, and create more in errors because of that.

i have always had hard time speaking up for myself BUT if i don't than nothing will change and it will just get worse.

[boogiesmash]

Do you see a therapist? They may be able to help you word it right to talk to your manager.

[Leyla]

hi boogiesmash
i did talk to a counselor through my Employee Assitance Program and she suggested a write a letter and than once i am done writing it i can call them back up and have one of the counselors input on it before i talk to my manager.

i have had so many therapists in the past so i know what tools i need to get through this.

i think my biggest issue is i replay things in my head that she said to me, or how i am going to talk to her without breaking down and that causes my anxiety to flare up again.

plus i haven't been sleeping well so that could of triggered the anxiety and stress too.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Leyla

hi boogiesmash
i did talk to a counselor through my Employee Assitance Program and she suggested a write a letter and than once i am done writing it i can call them back up and have one of the counselors input on it before i talk to my manager.

i have had so many therapists in the past so i know what tools i need to get through this.

i think my biggest issue is i replay things in my head that she said to me, or how i am going to talk to her without breaking down and that causes my anxiety to flare up again.

plus i haven't been sleeping well so that could of triggered the anxiety and stress too.

Sounds like a good plan.

When I'm anxious I don't sleep well either. Have you tried distracting or self-soothing?

[Leyla]

hi everyone
so today i got up ready to go to work, and i was hit with a wave of anxiety that i haven't felt in a long time. when i was at work, i was ready to burst into tears at my desk. i finally asked my manager if i could talk to her by that time the tears were already in my eyes.

we had a 1 hour chat, i told her how i was feeling and everything that has gone.... she was sympathetic thank God, our minds like to tell us otherwise, she said i need to give you constructive feedback on the errors you have been making, and she was trying to find out how i lost my confidence along the way, which i have.... i know lately because of the errors i have been double checking and kinda of edge which has probably caused me to make more instead of less.

anyways she gave me some good feedback, i think i am ready for a change and i know our dept will be shrinking in a year or two because we are closing down the Group side of our business i work insurance, this gives me time to think what I really want to with the rest of my life.

it was a better day i am glad i communicated to her how i was feeling and i feel like a burden has come off my shoulders. i just have to take it ONE DAY AT TIME...can't worry about the future what i tend to do.

thanks again everyone for replying...means alot