I FELT BULLIED YESTERERDAY

YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST BAD DAY I'D HAD FOR AGES, REALLy bad day.I'dbeen to see my friends mum, who was sobbing, sheis giving up on life, stuckin bed in a cold room being shouted at by a very stummorn husband who is at the end of his tether, he is 84. It upset me.

I came home and was depressed and felt a bit angry. My sons friends kncocked at the door and Danielle my daughtr asked me not to let themin cos she looked a mess, she'd been in pjs all day with a sore throat. I said I wouldn't do that as it's not fairon Dominic. Then she said I used to do it to her, and I just felt critisised - like it's always stuff that's negative she brings up, not everythingthey've had or the amountwe do for them now. I lost my temper , went to my bedroom andcried, that'ss how fragile I felt.
Tony said I was over reacting to my friends mum and had put an atmosphere on our own family. I asked Dominic to bring the washing in and he said after his shower. It was going to rain, so I said I'd do it my bloody self then. He swore atme.
All hell broke lose, Dominic went beserk, Danielle said she thought she was treading on eggshells again all the time, even though she is really moody and miserable every time she comes home.As far as I see it, Tony and I have been fantastic together, she is blaming me, Dominic is blaming me. I askedTony to stand up for meabout us no longer fighting and he said he could feel things going back to how they were, so no support from him even though he's never once mentioned it. Ithink I'm doing quite well thankyou, I'm the one who is treading on eggshells.
Iwas attackedby all 3of them simply because I was upset, feltaggressive because of the way the kids had treated me
and the way Tony thought I shouldn't be so upset about Maggie.
My son called me a name I wont repeat I'm too embarrassed.
Danielle only spends weekends here, is at work all day and we just sitand watch tv or go to our friends to play cards, how can she possible know if anything is going on.Yesterday was awful, they say I'm not coping with depression in the right way and I need to speak to my counsellor today. As farasTony is concerned, heknew when I started therapy things would be up and down, he says he is leaving if things get the same as they were.
I feel bullied. This is not helping me. So,basically, even if I am having a bad day, I have to appear as if I'm normal - how hard is that - I've done it a lot over the last few weeks as I'm scared ofbeingaccused of going back to the way I was. I'M TREADING ON EGGSHELLS.
I would value your opinions on this, bearing in mind my kids never stop moaning and insulting their dad when it suits. Dom moans about his sister, she moans about all of us and is totally moody all the time. We can't say anything to her. I spend a lot of time praising them both, trying to build Danis confidence and tellingeveryone how proud I am of Dominic. I also tell everyone how great Tony is and how he has changed, instead of getting back up from him he agreed things are slipping. Why tell me infront of the kids? I had no idea that's how he felt. Dani and dom say I speak to Tony like %#@&#!, - no more, we started afresh, they call him all the names under the sun behind his back to me and to his face.
confused, hurt, angry, I FEEL BULLIED.

I would value honest opinions on this please. is it me?

jinny xoxoxoxox

I also had a dream that i was at schol and it was parents evening and everyones clothes had been put on display, the ones we made during term and all the artwork.
I was searching for mine and it had been shoved back in the classroom, it upset me andmade mef eel insignificant again.
must bewhat happenedlast night.

BTW my best friends took me out and away fromthe house lastnight to a pretty village in derbyshire where they have illuminations and boats that have been lit upand they sail on the river. It calmed me down. i went straight to bed when I came home- Tony was at work. It is our wedding anniversary today - 19 years. How can I act normal when I am feeling down? If I don't he says he's leaving.
JOYS

well,i guess silence says it all........

Jinnyann,

I'm sorry your family is in such turmoil right now, and you're in the middle of it.

It sounds like everyone is having a tough time, but typically doesn't the mother get the worst of it. Somehow it's the mother's fault, b/c it is safer to blame Mom.

Please feel free to PM me anytime.

Hugs,

EJ

thankyou so much EJ

I feel a bit numb to be honest. I'll be glad when I've spoken to my daughter about all of this. My nurse says I am beingpro-active by finding out information for my family to understand me better and they now have a counsellor to ask any questions and help understand me too.

love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

((((jinny)))))))

(((((((((((chalmette)))))))))))))

love, jIN XOXOXOX

My dearest ((((jin)))))
I am sorry you had such a bad day. Sometimes we have to take one step backwards before we can keep going forward. Try to concentrate on all the good that you have accomplished in the last few weeks. Keep your mind filled with good thoughts. Just remember you have us here to help you get thru these rough days.
Snowy

((((((((((((((((( jinnybaby ))))))))))))))))))

I read this before I left for my trip and wanted to reply but just plain ran out of time. I'm so sorry hon.

I know it's so difficult going through the motions of therapy and the family learning and trying to grasp what is going on here. It's all a work in progress. Yes there are many times when one has to go backwards in order to continue to move forward. But it will happen and you will all move forward. Remember that you are all moving at different rates and times. The old habits of lashing out die hard sometimes. Everyone has change they need to make in order for the family unit to heal and come together again.

Fear not my friend...you are all working to that wonderful time when closeness and understanding will be the top of the order and this muck will be but a memory.

Sending you and your family much strength and love!

xoxox
sabby

((((((((((((((sabby)))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((snowy)))))))))))))))))

thankyou, love you noth, Kerry xoxoxoxoxo

(((Jinny)))

Its terrible to be misunderstood

we hear you....

congratulations for 19 years x o x

warm wishes to you Jjulia

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

thanks julia, it was nice speaking to you this morning.

((((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))