[preciousthing]

Hi everyone. I need to confess and tell my story. And thank you for reading. I am suffering from small penis anxiety and depression. I am 37. y.o. gay guy. Everything was just fine till a certain point. I had a lot of sex, my sexual partners liked it and always wanted to return for more. I was confident about myself, my 6 packs and hot body, my career, my performance and enjoyed with myself my entire life. My penis is average 5.8 inches and it's thin in the middle and even thinner at the base. I was always aware of it and I have never ever thought it was an issue.

But for the past 2 years I keep noticing that my skinny cock have become even skinnier for some reason. Now it seems ugly stick to me. My erections also became weaker. I gradually developed huge insecurity followed by anxiety and panic attacks. I stopped going on dates, I now almost don't have sex and even avoid socializing. I live in a city with a big gay community. Lots of guys flirt with me saying I am hot. It creates tremendous pressure on me because I feel like I MUST present myself as a brutal male and be manly, that I MUST meet their expectations about my size, that my size MUST correspond with my look, and the thought of that very moment when they realize it doesn't, terrifies me creating anxiety. In every random conversation with a handsome guy, whether it is in person at the gym or an event or on social media, I imagine these potential shameful situations that, I know, will not even happen with the 95% likelihood.

This is the only toxic thing in my life that keeps me down. In attempts to find a solution, I first started from reading a lot of useless internet articles such as "size doesn't matter for women", "average is 5 inch", etc. Then I tried vacuum pump. Then I measured my free testosterone which was lowered, and I was prescribed injections once a week, which I still keep doing. Nothing helped. Further, all this made me look inside myself, reassess my values, realize that I lack of meaningfulness in my life. Now I go to yoga at 6 am 3 times a week, I read inspirational books, I think about how I can change my perspective and perception of this problem. Finally, I've been going to therapist for 2 months now once a week but not helpful so far. Sometimes I have enlightenments when I don't think about it for like 10 days. Those days are the blessing for me, it gives me hope. I feel like I am myself again, but shortly everything returns. I am desperate and I cry and cry and cry.

Maybe there's someone with experience or a specialist here who can advice or comment what’s going on with me, do I have chances and what else I can do to snap out of it? My biggest dream now is to accept myself as I am. Thank you for reading my story.

[Skeezyks]

Hello preciousthing: Well I don't have any particular experience with this nor am I a specialist in this area. But I believe this is your first posted thread here on PC. So... I thought I would say welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I noticed your first post, here on PC, was in reply to another thread on this particular subject. So, as you are already aware, this is not the first time this topic has come up here on PC. You mentioned you've started doing yoga & you're going for therapy as well as reading inspirational books. That is all good stuff to be doing!

I'm not a mental health professional. However what occurs to me, with regard to this, is that perhaps it has less to do with your anatomy & more to do with anxiety which happens, in your case, to be focused on the size of your penis. The one thing I know is that the more preoccupied one becomes with things related to sexuality in general the more troublesome they become. It can become a vicious circle, so to speak. So my thought would be that perhaps the more you can de-emphasize your anatomical concerns, & also do as much as possible to work on reducing your anxiety level in general, perhaps the better you will do. I don't know... just a thought.

Here are links to a bunch of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on a number of different topics that I thought might be helpful in trying to figure out how to address your concern:

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

15 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Anxiety Symptoms

Top 10 Lesser-Known Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety

4 Breathing Exercises to Reduce Your Stress Right Now

3 Deep Breathing Exercises to Reduce Anxiety

https://psychcentral.com/lib/20-tips...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...y-for-anxiety/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-...anxiety-daily/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...s-and-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-jour...your-emotions/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/using-...o-reclaim-joy/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-ru...d-how-to-stop/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-tips...op-ruminating/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/cuban...dy-dysmorphia/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/anxie...out-your-body/

My best wishes to you...

[ken9018]

It seems like to me your having very high anxiety about this. While I’m a girl and a lesbian and someone who’s never had sex at all, I worry too about when it comes to that time, that the person will say I’m horrible. But honestly it’s just the anxiety talking. I would really continue going on with a therapist and hopefully soon the advice they give will help your anxiety be lower.

[Wild Coyote]

Welcome to PC!

I am sorry you are having such a challenging time.

You had written about self-acceptance, which is something we all try to achieve.

It's tough to function if/when we are feeling inadequate for some reason.

I encourage you to continue therapy. If you do not find it helpful, you might seek out a different therapist?

I hope you can resolve your feelings of inadequacy sooner rather than later.

Be well and happy!

WC

[preciousthing]

Thank you for welcoming and supporting words. My friends say the same. I am also slowly getting now to realize that it's more about the fact that I do not want sex than having a size problem. The former results in the latter. One of my friends even said that each person is assigned a certain amount of sexual energy. In gay world, we dissipate this energy without second thought, very haphazardly, here, there and everywhere. Once you run out of your personal limit, you sexual channel (or chakra) gets blocked. You now can only have sex if you have feelings. I like this explanation because it truly makes sense. I totally understand that I need to defocus from my "size" compulsive thinking. Well, going to be trying. Thank you for the links.