[randomer123]

For as long as I can remember I've been obsessed with things and thought/daydreamed about them most of the time. There is usually one at a time but sometimes what I call "side obsessions". There is more to it than interest, there's a whole bunch of other feelings surrounding it. I do rememeber having such an obsession in first school but can't remember exactly what age. To anyone else it was just the usual obsessions kids go through, short lived before they move on to something else. But inside my head it was different, I would almost constantly daydream about this subject but they didn't seem the sort of daydreams any normal kid would have. For instance I clearly remember daydreaming about myself being a teacher and had pictures of this subject on the wall and was asking the class about it, I think I probably pulled some of it from actual classes but stuck my obsession into it. I did this with a few other things while I was at school.

I think maybe I go through so many different situations involving the obsession (in the day dreams) and once I get throught them all and can't think of anything else, I get bored of it and move onto something else. These obsessions last anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. I know thats normal but its the intensity of the daydreams and how I just tried to fit that subject into every situation I can think of and these other negative feelings surrounding them.

I have been obsessed with many various different things, some of these were things I could get, some (including the current ones) are things I can't get. Obviously when I can't have something that causes a lot of frustration and jealousy, especially when I see others with them. When I have bought something that has been an obsession, well it's never easy. Until my late teens I never bought things myself, my parents bought them so obviously it depended if they bought them or not and then I had the things, it wasn't so much of a problem. Also I was younger and expected to become obsessed with silly things then loose interest and move onto something else.

But in my late teens I developed this strange nervousness around these things, and was embarrassed to mention them or admit that I liked them. This is the main problem that I need help with somehow. At 18 I became obsessed with something I could easily buy, and one day I went into town planning to buy it, but when I got to the shop I felt sick, my stomach was churning and making weird noises, and felt like I needed the toilet, my heart was beating fast and I started to feel scared and "stuck". I just couldn't do it, I couldn't even go to that section of the shop that had these things. So I went around the rest of the shop avoiding that part and as I went further away I felt a bit better and calmer. I didn't understand this. And when I had looked at other stuff, and had something in my hand to buy I did feel better so I decided to go back to the part with the obsession but no, the same feelings rose up again and I couldn't do it. So I bought the other things and left the shop feeling very disappointed and angry at myself. I looked at some other shops but avoided ones with the obsession things in, or that section.

I ended up going back without it and I was angry with myself, especially when I got back and it felt so stupid! It's something anyone else could easily buy (in fact I've bought one since, well after that obsession ended and felt no resinstance.). So I tried a few times at different places but could never go anywhere near them and even look at them or I'd get those same nervous feelings. I got so upset and angry about it, that once I actually cried on the way home. I tried not to because the other people on the bus would be staring but I couldn't help it. I did cry a lot about it at home though. And complained about it on my livejournal which nobody read, though I never said what the object was (still wont because it's embarrassing).

Eventually I managed to get something similar, but it still wasn't easy, I still had some nervous feelings but not as bad. I managed to push through that but still couldn't get the thing I actually wanted. And after a year and a half I lost interest in that and became obsessed with something else. Nothing has been as bad as that first obsession, but still feel sick when I try to buy an obsession thing. I've realised its not so bad if I buy something online, though I do get a bit nervous before opening it. And some things I've been able to buy without being nervous at all, I'm just not sure what causes it.

Well back in 2014 I developed an obsession with something I knew I could never get (nothing to do with nervousness). It spiralled out of control and got worse and uncontrollable to the point that I was so frustrated and angry and started to really hate people that have them. Last year I had a small side obsession with something else, something related to the main obsession. Something I couldn't have because of price, but I didn't really want one anyway. That lasted from about september last year until february this year. Now I have totally lost interest in that, I saw some in the shops the other day and didn't take a second glance, just didn't care. Still obsessed with the main thing though. I have to be content with looking at pictures opf them online.

In may this year, I suddenly started a new obsession. Something I saw pictures of while looking at pictures of the other obsession, I actually had a dream with one in and that reinforced it into a full blown obsession. Another thing I can never have. This was ridiculous because I've seen these things loads and never cared, never took any notice of them. But now I'm thinking about and them and making daydreams around them all the time. This has took over the other older obsession but the old one is still there and definitelt hasn't gone. But this is what I think of most of the time now. I can't ever buy one, but even if I could I know I wouldn't be able to look at them in shops (I don't try now) so wouldn't be able to buy them anyway. I can't even mention them anymore, even though I have before (not that I wanted one of course, because back then I didn't). I can't let anyone know I even like them. This happens with every obsession, I have to hide it and be ashamed of it.

And last week I started another side obsession after I had a dream about them. It's something related to the main obsession, but I have never thought about them before, never took any notice or looked. But now this has been forced into my daydreams and I think about having one a lot. This is something thats not realistic to buy but maybe possible. I actually have had 2 similar things in the past and because I wasn't obsessed with them I had no problem looking for them and buying them. Yesterday I was going to be near a shop I think I bought one of the last ones from, so I thought they might have them there (the similar alternative). So I went but as I was walking to the shop I got the nervous feelings again and felt sick etc. I stopped and tried to calm down then went into the shop. The section where they would be is near the back so I was looking at some other stuff first.

But as I got further back I started feeling realy sick and like I needed the toilet, though the heartbeat thing didn't happen and I didn't feel completely frozen so I pushed on through it and went into that section of the shop. Told myself this is stupid, I've bought 2 of the things before and it was fine, nothing is going to happen. But they didn't have any. I was dissappointed but under that there was a slight feeling of relief that I didn't have to see any or buy any. It made it easier to deal with. And I wonder what would have happened if they had them, could I have brought myself to pick one up and buy it? I will never know unless I try again sometime somewhere else.

I don't understand why this happens, getting so nervous about buying meaningless inanimate objects? Its really stupid but I can't seem to overcome it. Its been going on for far too long, around 15 years. Does anyone else have this problem?

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing this. I can't say I've had this exact problem... I don't think. But to be honest it's difficult to tell since I'm not sure I understand quite what this is all about. At one point, you mentioned having been embarrassed about one of the items you became obsessed with. But it doesn't sound as though that was the case with all of the things you've become obsessed with. Still... you didn't mention what any of them were... or are. So I don't know. Apparently there's perhaps at least some small bit of embarrassment attached to all of them?

I have experienced something similar to the problem you describe. But in my case it was clearly always related to embarrassment. I know exactly why I reacted the way I did. And it makes sense to me. From what you wrote, it sounds like you don't know why you've had the experiences you've had with this & why they have happened.

Perhaps this is all something that is related to OCD? I don't know if that is something you've been diagnosed with. I also don't know if you see a therapist. But, if you do, perhaps this is something it would be worthwhile to explore with that person? From what you wrote, it sounds as though you're still struggling with this after 15 years of battling it. So it may be unlikely to simply disappear on its own.

[randomer123]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Thanks for sharing this. I can't say I've had this exact problem... I don't think. But to be honest it's difficult to tell since I'm not sure I understand quite what this is all about. At one point, you mentioned having been embarrassed about one of the items you became obsessed with. But it doesn't sound as though that was the case with all of the things you've become obsessed with. Still... you didn't mention what any of them were... or are. So I don't know. Apparently there's perhaps at least some small bit of embarrassment attached to all of them?

I have experienced something similar to the problem you describe. But in my case it was clearly always related to embarrassment. I know exactly why I reacted the way I did. And it makes sense to me. From what you wrote, it sounds like you don't know why you've had the experiences you've had with this & why they have happened.

Perhaps this is all something that is related to OCD? I don't know if that is something you've been diagnosed with. I also don't know if you see a therapist. But, if you do, perhaps this is something it would be worthwhile to explore with that person? From what you wrote, it sounds as though you're still struggling with this after 15 years of battling it. So it may be unlikely to simply disappear on its own.

I suppose there has been embarrassment attached to all of them, but different levels of embarrassment, depending on the subject. The ones I had when I was a kid, my parents knew about and to some of them were known to the other kids at school and the teachers. But they didn't know the extent of them. I wasn't really embarrassed by the obsessions themselves but by how deep they went (I think).

As I got into my teens I developed 2 types of obsessions: the acceptable ones, which were for certain bands and video games. All teenage girls are obsessed with a certain band then move onto another and another so that was normal and I didn't hide that. But then there was the obsessions for other things which I was embarrassed about and had to hide. That was when the hiding really started.

Actually one of my first obsessions (with a certain animal) I never tried to hide and I had this teacher who yelled at me because she was sick of hearing about them, sick of me drawing them and pretty much banned me from doing anything that involved them. Maybe this started off the shame part of it? That people don't care about my obsessions and don't want to hear about them, and that I should keep them to myself.

And no I don't see any therapists.

[healingme4me]

Maybe it's a visceral reaction after being shamed by your teacher years ago?

[randomer123]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Maybe it's a visceral reaction after being shamed by your teacher years ago?

I have thought about that before, but I've had other obsessions after that which I didn't bother to hide and wasn't embarrassed about. I didn't start being embarrassed and hiding obsessions until my mid-late teens.

I wanted to write about the first obsession as an example. When I was in first school I became obsessed with Thunderbirds (the TV show). Although it might have been weird for a girl to like this, when it was clearly aimed at boys, sometimes people ignore this if you are young enough. From the outside it probably looked a like a normal childhood obsession; I watched it when my dad was watching it, I talked about it, sang the theme tune, had a couple of toys from it, drew pictures etc.

But it was the daydreams where it got weird. I often thought about having a soft doll of one of the characters (whichever one was my favourite) and I would be carrying this around in almost all of my daydreams. When they were about other things, I would almost always add this doll in somehow. Also I had a lot of daydreams where I was a teacher talking to a class, but instead of having a blackboard with sums or words or whatever, I'd have a Thunderbirds poster and be talking about that. Sometimes it would be about something we were actually doing about at school but I changed it to be Thunderbirds themed. Sometimes it would be all about that. There was probably more ways I shoved this into normal daydreams but I can't remember now.

And then at some point I lost interest in Thunderbirds and moved onto a new obsession (cant remember what now, there were so many). And suddenly all of those daydreams were now full of the new obsession. They would be the same sort of thing (the teacher etc) but no more Thunderbirds, now they were themed around whatever the new obsession was. And this has gone on all the time, and I still do it now and I'm in my 30s. I don't daydream about being a teacher anymore but I still have the same sort of structured daydreams and then just replace the subject/object as the theme, depending on what I am obsessed with.

The main thing I am obsessed with now is an object I can't buy. Every single daydream has this object in it, even though it doesn't fit into half of them and doesn't really make sense. But it must be in. In fact most of the time I have no control over this, I just start daydreaming about them. Sometimes when I'm reading a book or something someone else has written, I'll get inspiration from that and daydream about the storyline but with me in it and the obsession object.

I know people do daydream about things they want to some extent, but I take it to the extreme. My obsessions are the centre of everything I do and think about. They completely take over. And then when the obsession ends, I completely lose interest and drop it and start on a new one. Of course there are some things that I stay interested in but somehow they dont take over the daydreams. It's only the temporary ones.

And since I started hiding/being embarrassed about them, I've become nervous if I try to buy something. Sometimes I have managed, but sometimes I just couldn't do it. And of course some objects are things I can't buy (like the current obsession) but if I could, I know that I wouldn't be able to even go and look at them. Definitely wouldn't be able to buy one. And this side obsession, I had been shopping again and looked for them but couldn't find any. Though I did feel OK, I do wonder if I ever did see them, would I be able to buy one? Would I be able to even go anywhere near?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, randomer123 It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Daydreaming is fine in moderation, however if it's interfering with your life and it becomes an obsession, like you wrote, it can definitely become a problem. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I hope you'll be able to manage these obsessions you have. Perhaps you could try to turn some of these obsessions into something useful for you? If you're obsessed with a certain animal, for example, you could expand that and try to study animal life in general. It could turn into a nice hobby. Just a thought. That's just my opinion, though. The final decision is up to you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[randomer123]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry, randomer123 It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Daydreaming is fine in moderation, however if it's interfering with your life and it becomes an obsession, like you wrote, it can definitely become a problem. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I hope you'll be able to manage these obsessions you have. Perhaps you could try to turn some of these obsessions into something useful for you? If you're obsessed with a certain animal, for example, you could expand that and try to study animal life in general. It could turn into a nice hobby. Just a thought. That's just my opinion, though. The final decision is up to you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Thanks. The object I'm currently obsessed with is something I shouldn't even like, shouldn't be looking at, and definitely can't have. So other than looking at pictures and daydreaming, there's nothing else I can really do.

[WishfulThinker66]

Not quite sure if this is what you were getting at but there have been times in my life I have obsessed about doing something or an object to the point have routinely played make-believe in my mind about doing so. There have also come times when I have developed a case of nerves about them. I chalked this up to being worried that the thing wouldn't live up to what I assumed or wanted it to be.

I haven't done this though for years. I assume it is because I am relatively content at this point with my life.

[randomer123]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Not quite sure if this is what you were getting at but there have been times in my life I have obsessed about doing something or an object to the point have routinely played make-believe in my mind about doing so. There have also come times when I have developed a case of nerves about them. I chalked this up to being worried that the thing wouldn't live up to what I assumed or wanted it to be.

I haven't done this though for years. I assume it is because I am relatively content at this point with my life.

It is something like that. I don't think I'm worrying about the object not being as good as I think, more that I'm not good enough. Some sort of embarrassment that I shouldn't be buying it, shouldn't have it etc. That's with the things that you can go into a shop and buy. This current obsession is something I can't even look at.

[downandlonely]

Is this obsession something illegal or something that has a lot of shame associated with (something sexual perhaps?) I'm just wondering why you say you can't have it.

I think talking to a therapist or someone in real life might help you deal with these obsessive thoughts.

[randomer123]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Is this obsession something illegal or something that has a lot of shame associated with (something sexual perhaps?) I'm just wondering why you say you can't have it.

I think talking to a therapist or someone in real life might help you deal with these obsessive thoughts.

It's not illegal or sexual but it is shameful and restricted. It's not something I can really talk about, I really don't want to say what it is.