Misophobia since childhood – feeling hopeless and stuck

Hi,

I’m writing here because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’ve had misophobia since I was a child – a deep fear of germs, contamination, and anything that feels “unclean.” It affects my life in ways I can't really explain to most people. The truth is… almost everyone disgusts me. I avoid touch, closeness, and sometimes even talking to people if I get the feeling they’re “unclean.” I know that sounds harsh, but that’s my reality.

At the same time, I desperately want to be happy. I don’t necessarily want to be “healed” – I’m not sure I even can or want to be. But I want to stop ending up in situations that overwhelm me, that make me feel trapped and miserable. I want to live a life that feels peaceful. I want to exist without constantly being triggered by fear, disgust, and stress.

I’ve tried to seek help before, but no doctor or therapist has ever really helped me. I’ve been rejected, misunderstood, or left on waiting lists forever. And honestly, the thought of going to a doctor disgusts me too – it feels impossible. I’m sure it would only stress me out more and not bring any real change. I’ve lost trust in that path.

My family doesn’t really understand me either. They tolerate me, yes, but they don’t get what I’m going through, and they don’t really help. I’m scared that if my mother dies, I’ll be completely on my own and won’t know how to survive. Right now, she carries a lot of the burden for me, even if we don’t talk much about it. The thought of losing that support terrifies me.

I also don’t want to talk to people who don’t understand this phobia. If you’re someone who struggles with yourself, please… I’d be truly grateful to hear from you. I think only someone who lives with this can even begin to understand what it does to a person.

I’m scared I’ll never be able to work or live freely. I’m scared I’ll always be stuck in this life of compulsions, fear, avoidance, and hopelessness.
I don’t want pity – I just want someone to understand. Even a little.

Thank you.

Hi,

I’m writing here because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’ve had misophobia since I was a child – a deep fear of germs, contamination, and anything that feels “unclean.” It affects my life in ways I can't really explain to most people. The truth is… almost everyone disgusts me. I avoid touch, closeness, and sometimes even talking to people if I get the feeling they’re “unclean.” I know that sounds harsh, but that’s my reality.

At the same time, I desperately want to be happy. I don’t necessarily want to be “healed” – I’m not sure I even can or want to be. But I want to stop ending up in situations that overwhelm me, that make me feel trapped and miserable. I want to live a life that feels peaceful. I want to exist without constantly being triggered by fear, disgust, and stress.

I’ve tried to seek help before, but no doctor or therapist has ever really helped me. I’ve been rejected, misunderstood, or left on waiting lists forever. And honestly, the thought of going to a doctor disgusts me too – it feels impossible. I’m sure it would only stress me out more and not bring any real change. I’ve lost trust in that path.

My family doesn’t really understand me either. They tolerate me, yes, but they don’t get what I’m going through, and they don’t really help. I’m scared that if my mother dies, I’ll be completely on my own and won’t know how to survive. Right now, she carries a lot of the burden for me, even if we don’t talk much about it. The thought of losing that support terrifies me.

I also don’t want to talk to people who don’t understand this phobia. If you’re someone who struggles with misophobia yourself, please… I’d be truly grateful to hear from you. I think only someone who lives with this can even begin to understand what it does to a person.

I’m scared I’ll never be able to work or live freely. I’m scared I’ll always be stuck in this life of compulsions, fear, avoidance, and hopelessness.
I don’t want pity – I just want someone to understand. Even a little.

Thank you.

Welcome to MSF @EchoingSoul - I am sorry to hear you feel so terrified of your surroundings. That must make life very difficult.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]