Weird coping mechanism

So i just recently realized and admitted that i have bad anxiety that pretty much makes me afraid to talk to new people and ever be comfortable in the situations i'm in. Things such as never having enough money and not wanting to go out and do things because i'm afraid of what bad things can happen.

The thing that is really weird to me is the fact that when i am in a situation such as a fight with my girlfriend or just in general a situation that i'm not comfortable in I start to play a song in my head...a random song...most of the time its a song i haven't heard in months and i just start to sing it and completely tune out whatever else is going on. After about 10 seconds i realize what i'm doing and try and stop but it happens ALL the time and it's really freaking me out. Can anybody tell me why i would be doing this...i don't want to because then i am distant and it appears that i'm not listening and i miss parts of conversations because i just went somewhere else.

Catching yourself and bringing yourself back is about all you can do and maybe some therapy to help you with your anxiety. You go away because you're that anxious. The more often and quicker you can bring yourself back, the better. I'd think of a line to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't get that, I was thinking of something else for a moment" to kind of apologize to whomever you weren't listening to.

Or, you could take your anixety at face value and explain to whomever that you can't discuss the subject right now, you're too upset, and wait a bit until you are less anxious to approach them and discuss some of what they said. Could be the conversation goes "too fast" and you're anxious about what to say and can't think. I spent a lot of time in therapy working on making myself room in my head to think when others were talking to me as I'd get too anxious.

I do think sometimes conversations are going too fast and i don't understand everything that is being said. Recently I have told my girlfriend that when we are having problems and arguing that i don't understand everything and i have to have her explain things again or more in depth because i can't follow. Also i've had to tell her that usually half-way through our argument i just can't handle it anymore and i get real nervous and can't follow and i get confused easily.

I guess that this would be why my brain will go off and try and separate because i'm getting confused so it goes back to something that i know won't confuse me? Does that make sense to anybody?

That makes a lot of sense to me. Therapy helped me a lot. Therapists and talking to them are scary in the same way so you get lots of practice :-) only at the speed you're able to go at and it gets easier as you go along and it gets okay to be arguing and you get better at keeping up because you're not as afraid.

i spell words in these situations. i have been getting better at stopping it just by realizing i am doing it. i don't understandn what is being said to me because when i start to get anxious i start spelling all the words who ever i am talking to is saying. meditation has helped me with this a little.

I spell, too, and so do other people in my family. I sometimes "type" the words with my fingers.

I agree that catching yourself and trying to focus on what's happening helps over time, and that meditation can help because you learn to be more aware of what you're thinking and doing.

My husband shuts down when we argue sometimes, and it is hard for him to keep going when he's overwhelmed. It took a while for me to understand that he really is trying to listen. Before, I felt like he just didn't care, and we would fight about it. It is easier to work through things now that I am more understanding.

Now that I think about it, a lot of the time he starts playing "air drums" to a song in his head when it happens. Maybe it's more common for men?

I use that coping mechanism all the time .When I go out ill always bring a Mp3 player and sun glasses to box me off from every one .Later I find myself resing the songs in my head to relax .I think music is a great coping mechanism.

i do the same thing

Not all coping mechanisms are bad.

I spell in my head too.

I also picture the words in a partition - balance out the amount of letters, like a six letter word would go in 3 sets of 2 or 2 sets of 3 .... it's crazy, right?

a little OCD maybe? Or just a part of my anxiety disorder.

I don't do it all the time, but enough that I noticed it in my twenties.
It seems to have tapered off though time.

I draw patterns also. hmmmm

tc, nightbird