DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE S~ IDEALATIONS AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM???

I really don't know how else to ask this other then just be blunt.
I am all black or all white. When things are going good I have hope and light. I see no darkness and the things around me make me happy and content. (Mind you this is a rare thing for me)
BuT, most of the time my world is black. And, instead of seeing the hope or believing things are going to be okay I resort to wanting to kill myself. It is like I completely cannot use any other skills to manage my feelings.
Anyone out there have the same situation?
Any help you can offer?
It is so draining in my head!!!

Hey sj, I don't know why this image popped into my head when I read your post, but, maybe it came for you :
Years ago there was a line drawing poster of a woman, body facing viewer, but all bent over herself in between her bent up legs, like between her knees. The caption read:
I AM WOMAN GIVING BIRTH TO MYSELF
I get the hit that you don't really want to end something, rather, want to start something........ does this make any sense to you? )))))sj401

SJ,

Yeah, that sounds like me, too! I don't "fly" really high, nor for very long, so normally I go between "feeling like %#@�!" to "wanting to be dead". Since I started taking lithium I don't have nearly as many s-------- ideations, though, so that's a good thing.

I've noticed you've really been down lately...I'm so sorry. I know how I feel when I'm like that, and my heart really goes out to you. No one should ever have to feel that way. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk about it--I'm thinking of you.

DJ

I go through the same thing very often. Do you suffer from borderline personality disorder? I only ask this because black and white thinking is a common characteristic of that. When things are going good my thinking is great most of the time, but when things start going downhill for me my thinking is really bad.

All I can suggest right now is to challenge your negative thinking...it's really hard to do and believe but it seems to work when you do it on a regular basis.