[Dawr]

I Know there's something wrong with me. I've known ever since I've recognized the run-of-the-mill "Normal" person. But....I'm scared to ask for help, because I'm scared a doctor will laugh at me, or dismiss my symptoms as a "personality quirk" or just "me being stupid"

I've tried talking to friends, asking them what i should do. But I'm scared to approach my doctor (Considering I recently changed doctors and don't know her very well) and I'm even more fearful to approach a Psychologist or Psychiatrist. I'm scared They'll dismiss me, and tell me I'm just being stupid. And I'm finding it even more difficult to approach my parents. (Although I'm of age where I can seek help individually, without their consent)

I've been suffering from severe skin picking / nail biting since I was little, and since 3 years ago, more symptoms and afflictions have begun to emerge. I can't step on Cracks, Lines, or patterns. I'm extremely embarassed about this. When I do it, I'm scared everyone it watching me, and judging me. Sometimes people will ask me about it, because at work we have a patterned floor, and I'll have to avoid the white squares, and I'll kind of clam up, and will try to avoid the subject. It's extremely annoying as well. Sweeping and mopping the floor is difficult, since I can't step on the squares; and frankly, it makes me feel ridiculous. I'm also scared to death of Vomit, which has really begun to affect my life. I'm scared to go to parties, clubs, or to drink, for fear of seeing vomit, or throwing up myself. I've come to learn this is Emetophobia, but sometimes I'll lay in bed and thoughts of people vomiting or vomit will intrude my thoughts, and I almost have to chase the thoughts away. I'm also scared that while I'm driving, I'll run over a pedestrian, or run into the back of someone, and get chilling sexual/inappropriate thoughts and dreams about coworkers. I Have terrible anxiety, I'll get anxious over nothing. Even now, while typing this, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, or not doing the right thing.But the most debilitating symptom of all is the panic attacks. They'll come out of nowhere, and range from minor to severe. The minor ones are only Shortness of breath, dizziness, and the severe need to "escape." However, the more severe ones include, Chest pains, Nausea, Derealization, racing/loud thoughts, dizziness, rapid heat beat, uncontrollable crying, uncontrollable shaking, and tingling mostly in the hands and arms. Then afterwards, severe depression and fatigue.

And while I was in highschool, my school Counselors advised i seek help for ADD, because of short attention span, poor concentration, inability to sit still, and easy distractibility. Though.... I've lived with that pretty much since I was a kid, and have that under control. (I think...)

I know all of that seems like a mouthful, but I feel overwhelmed with everything that's going on with me, and I'm scared I'm just blowing everything out of proportion. I'm starting to get severely depressed, because I'm scared I'm going crazy.

I'm in college right now, And I think my school offers mental health as apart of their Health Services. But I'm just so scared of getting rejected.

If someone, anyone can offer help, I'd be greatly appreciative. I Just don't know what to do, and feel like if I keep putting "me" on hold, and keep making up excuses or lies for why I Do certain things (Lies mostly to myself) , I'll end up loosing my friends, or worse, hurting myself.

[Perna]

Hi, Dawr, welcome to PsychCentral.

I went to my college counseling center and it turned out fine. I would summond up what little courage you have and talk to someone, whoever you find easiest? A doctor or any psychiatrist or a school counselor. They won't reject you anymore than we will/do. They'll understand and be as concerned as you are.

Do you have a good friend you could tell and get their help setting up a doctor's appointment and maybe going with you to the office? I did that with the gynecologist the first time I went; my friend made the appointment for me and "took" me and waited for me and then we went and had lunch together :-)

I think things will get a little bit easier for you after you go the first time and get rid of that weight on your shoulders?

[BalishBun]

Hey the vomiting thing, I wouldn't say I have it as extreme as you do, but when I was a child, if my brother or sis had the flu and were vomiting, I would bolt into another room and plug my ears or try and muffle the sound. Even now, I don't like the sound, and my sisters child threw up and I had my back glued to the wall, than I sort of shook my head and thought "its not gonna bite you, what are you doing?" So I wouldn't say I'm scared of it now, but I don't like the sound of it. As far as cleaning it up, I worked at an amusement park, I had no problem with that aspect of it. Enough about that...... Honestly, I think that you could really benefit if you even just ask you doc if he has a certain psych that he could reccomend to you. Oh and the panic attacks? I had many of the same symptoms you described.

[Cyran0]

I always enjoy the irony of anxious people needing to ask for help. If asking for help with anxiety came easy, we might not even need it. I wonder how many anxious people every year don't seek help because they can't get past the worry associated with asking.

What I can tell you is that nobody is going to laugh you out of their office or receive your concerns with anything other than understanding. They'll try to get a handle on how bad your anxiety is and then present you with recommendations. And that's about it. It's really far easier than you're picturing.

Cyran0

[gimmeice]

((((((Dawr))))))
I can really relate to the fear of rejection, asking for help was one of the hardest things I have had to do. For me it was well worth all the worry. Nobody will laugh at you if you ask for help.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((( Dawr )))))))))))

[AAAAA]

(((((Dawr)))))

Welcome to PC! I completely understand what you’re feeling. Growing up I was very educated on mental health issues such as depression, mania, and anxiety because my mother suffered from them as well, yet I could not ask for help for years and years. In fact the first time I approached a dr for meds, I asked for Zyban (because I knew it was a lower dose Wellbutrin) to quit smoking.

Your doctor can only help you if you let them. They won’t laugh or belittle you in any way. The mental health program through your school would be a great place to start. I know how hard it is to take that first step, but I hope you’ll take it sooner rather than later, life could be so much better for you than it is now.

[JimWriter]

Many years ago, I was absolutely TERRIFIED of seeing somebody in the mental health field. I thought for sure that they would tell me that I was a classic mental case, deserving of being tossed into the local ward and juiced up on meds.
But that didn't happen. In fact, my first encounter with a mental health T happened when I was in the Air Force. Not only did they help me and show me how to regain serenity, they let me stay in the service until my time was up.
My mom,(she was a truly wonderful person, but was very afraid of those in the mental health profession) probably instilled within me a certain fear of psychiatrists and psychologists. I wish that I had gotten help for my anxiety many years ago. I don't think there is a T or mental health practitioner in the world who would think you're stupid. They're really caring folks, by and large.
I wish you the best, too.

[heyhey.im.j]

wow! i remember when i used to have panic attacks about getting help, my fear was being tossed into a "looney bin" and i would be lossed forever your not alone there! hang in there babe!

[BalishBun]

You have a lot that you are bottling up, hey at least you told someone about it, we are not here to judge you. I have heard of the things you described before, please don't be afraid of the doctor, they are there to help and if they blow it off, you are totally seeing the wrong doc. I was a little nervous to confront my doctor about my anxiety, before I was treated for it, I called the doc and a front desk girl answered, and i told her all i wanted was a refill on my xanax, and she said "okay the doctor isnt going to keep treating you with xanax, you need to make an appointment so you can get this under control". I was afraid, but releived knowing she said she had someone else she was treating going through something very similar.

[Zenobia]

My fear in asking for help is "what will I say, how will I make them understand?" It was sooo hard. Thankfully I found this site and had written of my fear. I just printed off my post about it and gave it to my new therapist. It worked wonders. Your post really puts out there so many of your fears including the fear of rejection from the person who you are asking help from. Just print that off and give it to your therapist on the first meeting. I know making the first appointment will be hard but at least you have something in your hand that breaks the ice and gets things started without you having to actually say a word.
Zen