Anxious

I REALLY don't know where to post this. Feel free to move it. I just need to vent and hopefully get support.

I have an 8 y/o with autism/aspergers. We homeschool and I have never really just dropped him off anywhere before - he is very inquisitive and very "in his own head" and really doesn't care at all if he is with a group, so I have to keep a very, very, very close eye on him everywhere we go. If he sees something interesting, off he goes! He's gone in the blink of an eye ,literally.

He went to summer camp today. It is every day this week from 10 - 3. Today they are hiking in the woods, doing ropes/repelling, things like that. It is a camp that specializes in kids with autism and there is a 1:2 adult to child ratio. But I am still just literally sick about it.

I took a xanax, which I guess must have taken the edge off, but I'm still reverting to other "coping mechanisms" which are unhealthy and stupid.

My anxiety level is so, so, so, so high. I almost can't breathe, and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I don't even know if this makes any sense to anyone, I know it's hard to understand probably if you're not this particular kids mom....but I figure at the very least people on this board understand anxiety.

I have T at noon, thankfully. Maybe he can talk me down? I don't know, I literally feel like I am barely coping.

Reassure yourself that your feelings are absolutely normal for the circumstances. This is the first time you have let your boy go. That's hard for any parent and especially so if you have fears of him wondering off. Tell yourself that he is in good hands and with properly trained staff. I hope after a while you will be able to learn to relax and enjoy your free time.

Good luck with T.

Earth,
I am a special education teacher and have had students with autism in my class. I don't know the adults at the camp, but the fact that there is a 1:2 ratio tells me they are responsible and I imagine that they would be knowledgable about autism.

I'm sure that knowing that doesn't ease your anxiety, though. I have had parents who feel this way when their kids are in my class (usually at the beginning of the year) and I try to reassure them that they are in an environment that is not only positive but accepting. It is good that your son is around other children. It is my opinion, through observing students with autism, that they can be aware of their environment even if it appears that they aren't. An example of this includes a student that was in my class for three months. I didn't notice his underlying emotions in the three months, but when he had to go to another class (a specific class for autism), he cried and wanted me to give him a hug. I was really taken aback by this and it has really increased my awareness. I haven't had enough experience to say this is true across the board or even guess if it is true for others. I just thought I would share my experience to let you know that I do understand.

I know, because I frequently deal with anxiety, that there is nothing I can do to ease your stress. I hope that knowing that I understand helps. Take care and let me know how it goes

((((((((((((((( earthmama )))))))))))))))