[axl1]

i am new to this site am 29 years old and i been leaving with this for 4 years i cant stand this any more i tired everything i tried every med there is not works right khow they have me on paxil and xanax and it does not work what pisses me off is got no life no more i cant take my son who is 3 years old any where because i cant be around alot of people i have tokhow where the hospitals are if i eveing try to go any where iam so tried off this %#@&#! i wish i had my life back this what happend to me i was in 3 big car crashes i lost my sister who was only 27 years old who left 2 girls i have a panic attack everyday i been to the emergcy room i have stop cout ihave to sleep in the parking lot of emergy room to feel little save and to get some sleep and to top it of i been on medical live from work for about 3 months and it pisses me off because they think iam making this %#@&#! up %#@&#! this they think i want to be drug up with meds and sleep all day bull %#@&#! sorry iam saying bad words i just iam so mad because my own wife tells me %#@&#! every day that iam just lazy that suck that iam not worth %#@&#! but before i got sick i was working i bought her a house and a brabd new suv but khow that worth %#@&#! if not for my little boy i would get a divorce but i love him so much that is the only thing in my life that i love with all my heart i will take her comments because i tell her if she ever got sick i would be there for her because i do love her but thats life for me the only people that are helping me is my family especialy my mom who i love so much and my little boy who hugs me every time he sees me crying but life goes on it would be a lie if i told you i never thought of death rest in peace i love and i miss you so much my sister.axl1

[Myzen]

Hi axl,

I have read your post very carefully, twice over.

The anxiety is hitting you hard just at the moment and it's obviously hurting you.

First thing, this is not your fault. It's not your fault. The illness, which I have also suffered very badly, messes you up. People don't always understand what is going on, as they can't see any physical stuff, just your reactions to the panic.

Second, It is survivable. If you can get some strategies in place, as well as the medication, it will help. I had to learn to take the panic and just not respond to it. Believe me, this can be achieved. A therapist can help you see past the anxiety and start to deal with it. I think of it as dealing with a job that I don't want to do, but it has to be done.

Last, those car crashes are still fresh with you, and the biggest thing - the loss of your sister. This is a heck of a lot for you to deal with. I hope you can get to a counsellor or a therapist and start getting some of the anger out.

Stay with us, there are people here who understand and have been through the hard stuff. If you can stay with us I'm sure it will get better for you.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen.

[Maya]

I, too, am so sorry about what happened to your sister and for your anxiety. I urge you to see a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. Medication helps, but combined with therapy you will feel better much sooner. I trust you can learn to be happy and calm again soon.

[wisewoman]

Seems like everyone has said it well. Please speak with a doctor or a therapist soon. You will discover that what you are experiencing can get better. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish we could take the fear away. Good luck.