Great! :(

Pulled myself out of the depression but now I'm experiencing anxiety! Don't know which is worse. Could it be possible that anxiety over the holidays is manifesting itself as anxiety over health or the lack of? Sure hate it when that happens! Always checking out my heart beat, this or that pain, wondering why I see blue spots if I look into bright sunlight... ARGH!!

I'm tired of always having to "push through" something to just LIVE!!! DAMN THIS ILLNESS!!!

(((sept))) anxiety and depression walk hand in hand...

what on earth are you doing looking at the sun???? lol

SeptemberMom,

I think alot of people do experience depression around this time of year. I know I do sometimes.

I know also that when my anxiety starts to go away then my depression starts up or if my depression is under control my anxiety starts up. So whatever is going on I never feel better. So I can understand what you are talking about...

Alot of people will see spots when looking into the bright sunlight, I do... it's just the different lights reflecting off whatever. Trick of the light etc.

I know how you feel though hon, I feel the exact same way.

LOL I'm not looking at the sun. I was just looking out from inside my house and it's really bright out there. That's all. It's gotten to the point that I have to wear my shades if it's not cloudy out. ggrrrrr It's a ***** getting old!

Thanks, Hun. It's a fact that depression and anxiety appear together. I know that. It's just that right now, I'm really sick of it!

The problem with my eyes is that they don't adjust to light very well. I know this! It's been going on for a while. It must be getting worse, though, and with the anxiety comes the fear of having a catastrophic illness or dying. This is "normal" with anxiety, but... I just get so sick of it sometimes! I get sick of having the illness raise it's ugly head just when I don't need it and I get sick and tired of ALWAYS having to fight it.

Wanna hear the clincher? My youngest son just called me and gave me the news that my daughter (that hasn't had anything to do with me in 7 yrs) is coming to town on the 17th. Normally, it doesn't bother me. Today, I broke down. I want to see her so bad!! I want to see my grandsons, too!!

Weakness! I'm weak today!

God, this just isn't fair! Nothing is fair! She's coming to her dad's house. The man she couldn't stand a few years ago, the man she inherited schizophrenia from, the man that is married to the Wicked Witch of the West... whom she's ALWAYS hated because of the abuse he inflected on her and her brother! I've never done anything to her but love and encourage her! %#@&#!! %#@&#!! %#@&#!! IT ISN'T FREAKIN' FAIR!! I've been sleeping all day just to avoid having to deal with anything. I want to enjoy the holidays, DAMMIT! It's hard enough to do as it is.

Crap! I'm going back to bed!

JEEEEEZ! I can't even type s hit?? It's a natural body function for almost all living things! I'll bet if I type "satan" it won't be in symbols!

I'VE HAD IT!!!! I'M OUT OF HERE!!!!

Septembermorn,
You are right, none of it is fair. Anxiety always sucks and when it follows a battle with depression you are tired before you start. I wish I had an answer for you or some bit of wisdom that would make everything easier but I am not that bright. So please accept my support and ((((hugs)))) if you want them instead.
I wish I could do more.

place

Thank you. Sometimes hugs are all I need... like now. I'm easy, huh?