[silver_queen]

Recently, I have felt the need to repeatedly check my door to see if it is locked, even though I know it is. Last night after I had gone to bed I had to get up and check and check it repeatedly by pulling on the handle even though I knew it was locked. I kept thinking 'It might not be locked', then have to tell myself, 'It is locked', but I still didnt believe it, I still had to try the handle. I did it about 20 times last night. I still worried about whether the door was locked after that, but it wasnt as strong.
This morning too, as I came into my room and locked my door again, I had to once again check it 20 times... every time I try the door and I know it's locked, as soon as I turn away I worry it isnt. This sounds so stupid. Even now, I want to check my door is still locked, though from here I can see it is. The urge isnt strong though, but I know that if I got up to try it, I would have to do it repeatedly again.

There is also something else I am unsure about, that I guess is related to anxiety. Especially last night, I was for some reason afraid that I was going to be attacked. This sounds stupid as well... I mean, I was in my room and the door was locked and yet I still felt very vulnerable. At one point I hid under my desk to try to hide, and I want to do that now as well... I have no idea why. When I went to bed last night, my bed is against the wall, and I had to press up right close with my back to the wall so I couldnt be attacked from behind, and I was on my side curled up because I felt too vulnerable if I lay on my back. I was afraid to close my eyes because I felt I would be attacked. But I fell asleep eventually because I was so tired...

Any thoughts?

Sorry this is so long...

hello......i have suffered from ocd for many years and have been being treated for it very successfully with prozac,,,,yes..the things you describe are symptons..the checking and rechecking and the strange intrusive thoughts......i had to chuckle when i read about your need to keep checking the door.....all my doorknobs are loose and broken from years ago when i "had" to keep checking them.....the urges can make you think that you're going crazy! but it can be treated and you will feel much better....please see a psychiatrist if you are not already and let him/her know whats been going on.....and i'd like to know how you do if you don't mind sharing that with me...any other questions or concerns...i'd be glad to help you with..julia

[silver_queen]

Oh...I never realized the thought of me being attacked were intrusive thoughts. Maybe they are. I know there are completely irrational and nothing will happen but it still makes me nervous. And it drives me mad, having to check the door all the time, every time I lock it. I dont want to leave my room because I know I will have to do it when I come back in.

I also dont have chance to talk with my counsellor until Wednesday and with my doctor until next Friday...so, I will just have to cope.

[Mahali]

silver queen,
I am curious did you have anxiety before this began? You do not have to answer if it is too personal. I was just wondering.

Please take care.

place

[silver_queen]

As for anxiety place, I have not had any problem with it until recently, with schoolwork building up at the end of term. But now I feel mildly anxious a lot of the time, for no reason. I know it sounds so stupid, but I don't feel safe in my bed anymore. My fear is totally irrational. I went out today for about half an hour to the supermarket and felt afraid I was going to be attacked then as well....

[silver_queen]

I suppose I should also mention this as well, since it is relevant. When I lie in bed now, I feel like I'm being touched...down there. I don't like it and it is another reason why I have to curl up to protect myself. I've only felt this way the past few nights. But when I wake up in the morning, I feel the same way. It's uncomfortable constantly lying on my site in (is it called the foetal position?), it makes me ache and I want to stretch out, but that, as I have explained before, makes me feel way too vulnerable.

Perhaps I am going crazy after all.

[colors]

Dear Silver,

I think it would be a good idea to make an emergency appointment with your therapist. Especially since you will soon be leaving for break.

I know I could not stand for a reoccurance night after night of this stress. I would want some relief from it.

It would be nice to have a relaxing break, and freedom from the stress of it all. Maybe she could give you something mild to relax you until your next real session with her.

I can only imagine all the stress you have on you. You seem to be telling yourself that you need to relax and take it slower, yet you are not listening to yourself.

It is alright to take control of this situation, and remove some of this stress. You have the rest of your life to catch up with school. It will always be there when you want it.

I hope you will listen to yourself and ease back. Take some steps to put it in motion. You will be feeling better much sooner, then pushing and pushing yourself.

Wishing you the best of Holidays!

Colors

[silver_queen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think it would be a good idea to make an emergency appointment with your therapist. Especially since you will soon be leaving for break.

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I rang up her receptionist today. She isn't free to talk to me until Wednesday, and our session, which is also on Wednesday, will have to be cut short because I have an exam immediately after and I can't be late. According to her receptionist there was no other time this week I can get another appointment since she is booked up; so I will have to do with a shorter session lol, unless she can sort anything out when she rings me on Wednesday... I would still be having 50 minutes anyway, if it started promptly...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maybe she could give you something mild to relax you until your next real session with her.

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In England, only doctors have the power to prescribe meds. I should be seeing my doctor on Friday, unless that is muffed up too. I agree, it would be nice to feel a little calmer. But, I'm not sure I want meds to do that for me.

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I can only imagine all the stress you have on you. You seem to be telling yourself that you need to relax and take it slower, yet you are not listening to yourself.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Yes, that is true. But I can't not do my schoolwork, see; I have to get it done somehow or other. It will alll be over this week anyway; the semester ends. But then I have to go to my part-time job of working in a supermarket, and deal with all the people, when I want to run away from people IRL at the moment.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It is alright to take control of this situation, and remove some of this stress. You have the rest of your life to catch up with school. It will always be there when you want it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
True. But this year is a restart: I had to withdraw last year due to severe depression. This year I am nowhere near as bad, and I hope not to become so. But I have to finish this course now I am enrolled on it. I can;t afford to not do so, since it will be so much harder if I left it until the future. Besides: I'm at one of the best universities in the country, and I can't let that go to waste.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hope you will listen to yourself and ease back. Take some steps to put it in motion. You will be feeling better much sooner, then pushing and pushing yourself.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Like I said, hopefully the pressure will be taken off me by Wednesday or Thursday. I don't know if this will solve how I have been feeling though.

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Wishing you the best of Holidays!

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To you too.

[colors]

I am so glad that you are going to both doctors this week.
You should then be feeling better.

Starting with a fresh new slate, and doctors to help you this time should make it all the easier for you next semester. Just think you are almost done with another year!
I'm so happy for you.

Your Friend,
Colors