*URGENT* PLEASE READ*

i'm wondering if this sounds like my ocd or if it is an actual worry i really need some help here.

ok so on april 16th 2004 i went to this strange get together with my brother and a few friends i wans't feeling well so i think i went into the apartment with another friend for like maybe 5 mins and then the rest of the time stood outside we were there for like 30 or 45 mins i think.... well i got to thinking what if while i was there somebody stabbed me with an hiv infected needle or something and i didn't know it. but b/c i'm paranoid about stuff like that i thought i know i would remember if that happened and freak out. so then on september 10th or 8th one of the two 2004 like 5 months after this really wierd get together, i had an HIV test routinly done b/c i'm having a baby in march of course it came back negitive b/c i'm not in an real risk factor. but my mind cant stop the what if course. like i think what if 5 months wasn't enough time after this wierd get party thing or what if i have some rare form of HIV and they just didn't catch it. i've read hours of information on HIV on the internet and almost every doctor says a negative test at 5 months is a good thig and further testing isn't needed well if i know thats true than why am i still paranoid. HELP ME i can't stand this anymore! i need help i scared of everything in lfie casual contact freaks me out b/c to me everybody around me has HIV and if they come to close or touch me i think i'm gonna get it. i know thats not possible but i need some relief.
-nicole!

Nicole, I think you're worrying too much about it. It's not easy to get over an obsessive thought like that, though. I know. I get them myself. Do you have a therapist? It would be a good idea to talk to them about it for ways of putting that fear aside.

u have a therapist? I think a good therapist is the only way you are going to be able to start getting over this problem. I have very mild ocd and its impossible for me to stop my "rituals," but when it comes to your obsession it is really affecting your life and you can't get through it without some serious and professional help. If you can't get help for yourself do it for your baby. An irrational parent will have an extraordinarily hard time caring for a child. (By the way I'm not saying you're not capable of being a good mother, but you owe it to your child to get better.)

I know a guy who developed the same kind of thing you describe (obsessing about getting aids and hiv). He said his doc told him it was an anxiety problem. I think it would be best to talk to a doctor or therapist about this even a general practitioner may be able to give you a insight into why your having these thoughts.

Let us know how you go

Roy

About 1989 I had the same fear. I worked in a hospital too, albeit clerical work only, but I saw a medical person open a door with his gloves still ON. I was CERTAIN I had AIDS. I didn't and it was OCD. You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD. ERCP therapy if you can find it (a type of exposure response therapy).

Nicole:
This is definitely OCD. It's an intrusive thought that seems irrational but just won't go away, and that gets worse when you try to argue with it. I've never had this exact worry, but I've had stuff like it. Remember, just because you have a thought doesn't make it true. I often do sort of "magical thinking." I think that if I can't convince myself something isn't true -- in your case, maybe it's the thought that you've contracted HIV -- then it will happen. But it won't. The thought that you might have HIV will not hurt you. So try not to fight so hard to banish it from your mind. I know that is really difficult. I hope you start feeling better soon, and I'm pulling for you.

This sounds like Pure-O. Most of my symptoms are this type. Go find a good therapist, as everyone said. And I also recommend a web site http://www.ocdonline.com It specializes in Pure-O.
Best of luck!

I have OCD too. Sometimes it's just a nagging subconscious feeling about something "bad" happening. That's not so bad. But when I did have the pure O type at times, that was BAD. Hope, I do hope you find a therapist and psychiatrist. There is good treatment and you don't have to suffer like this.

Hi hopes theory,

I agree with the other posters. It's the thinking that's hurting you, and it's hard not to believe our own thoughts. The fact that you have posted here shows that you know the thoughts are not normal; that's a good first step.

When I was really ill, I used to say things to friends and they would say, "That's the depression talking." I think it's the same with OCD. A good therapist can help us to recognise the OCD thinking and place it into the background, where it won't affect our lives so much.

Good luck, Myzen

Get help. Every post here is telling you that, and, that is profesional help.

Lots of love to you (and your baby)