desperate about my agoraphobia

I have virtually locked myself away from the world,I have only left the house 5 times in 6 months .I have seen my pdoc 3 times and went to walmart at 2:00 in the morning for christmas presents .The walmart trips were absolutly excrusiating.The panic overwhelmed me.My husband wants me to go to a college game in a town an hour away on sunday,but I just cant go to that kind of crowd.I am afraid if I cant change this soon I will lose the only person I have left.My children who are 20 and 22 and live at home and go to college,gave up on me I believe a couple of years ago.I beleive they want a normal mother.I only sleep 4 hours a night now.They put me on trazodone 2 months ago for sleep ,but I get afraid to take it.I have cried all day . I have looked into groups like ABIL,and differnt forums on agoraphobia,and I have started to get some information.These groups say I need A safe person to help with my out of the house therapy.The problem is my husband works 12 hours a day 6 days a week.My daughter who works at a hospital and goes to nursing school has no timefor me. My son works as a technician in the day and goes to school at night .I have no family here that will help me and I live in a very rural area.I feel so completely useless .I have pushed everyone from my life. I need to get my life back.my bipolar is not as bad as this self imposed inprisonment.I get so angry I take it out on everyone.I would not like to have me as a friend.I am so desperate and so angry.

Hugs if you want them. I, too, have battled agoraphobia and just not wanting to leave the house. Please be easy on yourself. Don't push it to go in a big crowd. Try simpler things - go to a local shop or stop in at church. Maybe have one thing you do once a week - a book club or something. I hope these ideas help.

Please tell me how you get help. I fear that I am heading down that path. I can't handle crowds, but worst of all anywhere unfamiliar, no matter how big small, open or closed in it is.

My heart goes out to you. I have felt the same way. I stayed in doors for a month (except for therapy appointments). My husband, one day made me take a car ride with him. I hated every minute of it. But the more and more I made myself do it, it got much easier. I don't know if that will work for you but it helped me a little. My thoughts are with you and I hope you feel better soon.

You might try calling your local NAMI National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They may have a volunteer would might be willing to work with you. Or they may know of another local group they could help out. Here is the link for the one in KY. http://ky.nami.org The national site is www.nami.org.

Don't despair. I knew a woman who was agoraphobic and did not leave her apartment for 5 years. With the right medication, some help from family, weekly therapy, she is now in her 3rd year of college! And she is kicking butt there!

Keep posting, we want to help.

Emmy

Hi Beth,

I feel for you, it's a rough ride when you can't get past the barriers.

I agree that a safe person would be really good at this point, someone who understands just how strong the fear is. Even better, someone who has been through agoraphobia themselves. That way you might meet a new friend as well.

Maybe there's a link somewhere on this. If I lived near you I'd offer to come and help out myself!

Good thoughts to you, Myzen

Beth, I too have fought with agoraphobia and still do. I have worked through a lot and you are right you need a safe person to help. I also live in a rural area and know what it is like to have very limited services.

Can you, did you talk to your friends and explain? If they are friends then they will try to help. I know you feel that your kids have given up on you but they may truly want to help and just do not know how.

I know in my small town if I were needing someone to help and had no family/ friends that could do it. (There are no support groups) About the only people left are church people. I am not pushing religion to you I am just saying that these people many times want to help whether you belong to thier church or not. They may be a resource.

Like Myzen, I too would love to help if I lived close enough.
I know what it is like. Do please take heart as I am now able to work, shop in daytime, and I even went out of state and to a concert in the last year. If I can do it you can too, there is hope.

Please take care and contact me if I can do anything or if you just need someone to listen.

Kim