relapse of agoraphobia

Thanks for lisening to my post! Well I made a big leap forward, with my
cognitive therapy going well, i needed to attend my daughters dance
competition, it was 5 hours from home and we had to stay in a hotel. My
husband drove and i did ok, i had several moments of anxiety and panic
attacs, but for the most part i survived.This is more than i have done
in the past 9 months as i usually don't leave the house. Well i was
very happy that i was able to do this, only to come home and spend the
week in bed crying, depressed etc. and not able to leave the house. My
therapist said that i made awesome progress, but i am back where i
started!!! I am frustrated with my self. just wondering if anyone has
suffered a set back like this and if so how did u deal? I suffer from
agoraphobia and ptsd
thanks!
Lisa

hi Lisa,

first of all, I'm so glad to hear you were able to attend your daughter's dance competition!

I can relate to your situation...it seems that for some 'big things' I can get through it, but the only place I feel safe enough to let down and let go of the built up anxiety is at home, what I've tried to do is to schedule some intentional 'let down' time after things, to be more loving to myself...

I've also come to recognize that when I do those big things there is big anxiety let down, small things just a small bit. does that make sense? I guess I'm trying to say I'm finding when I reset my expectations it's more helpful than thinking recovery is a one way journey out, which for me hasn't been realistic.

I had a really rough winter, and am climbing out of a deep depression, went on new meds and everythying, but I do find the anixety is worse and worse. Right now I can't get out to the back yard Grrrr, I have to plant some containers with annuals, and I'd like to do it while the kids are in school, but I can't seem to function here at home when I'm by myself. Nor can I seem to get to the post office! (have only old rate stamps and I have bills to pay!)

[[ hugs ]]]

Gabby

Oh, Honey,
I really do understand how you feel. I am only beginning to experience agoraphobia.
That is, I've experienced anxiety and depression for 20 years witth occasional panic attacks which became more and more common.
In the past couple of years, I've had a lot of trouble leaving the house, sometimes for ANY reason, including taking out the trash if I think anyone will be out and about and see me.
Let me tell you, ANY progress IS progress. It really is. I struggle to give myself credit for the things I CAN do.
Believe me, Mother's Day was a living hell, and I'm not going to lie, wine played a big part in helping me get through it, but I had A HUGE PANIC ATTACK/ breakdown when it was over. I hated myself. I cried and cried, completley ALONE.
The thing is, I look back on that weekend and all of the times I went out and acted like nothing was wrong, and I think "you are one brave chick, even If no one else thinks so,"
*I* know so, and that counts for something...beause *I* count for something.
No one knew what I was going through that weekend, but I got through it. I didn't just lose my mind and go ballistic. I maintained my cool, on my own, and that is a step forward that I can remember taking, even though I may take a step back
So, baby, YOU ARE ONE BRAVE CHICK! I'm proud of you. Bravo! You go, girl. Give yourself credit, and give yourself hope.
We are with you, girl!

Thank you both for your replies and words of encouragement! they made me cry! (in a good way) It also helps to know that i am not alone! Yes i have to recognize that i made it through! The dizziness that i have with the anxiety is my worse enemy. I did go to a follow up with my neurologist today and he said there is no tumor or anything in my brain making me dizzy! So hurray! I am sorry that you had such a hard moms day! I too dreaded it and coulndt wait for it to be over and not having to put on my "i feel normal"today face. I feel like i have to say i am doing ok when i am not otherwise i feel guilty! thanks again for your replies!
Lisa

When we have to put on that "I feel normal face", it can become very exhausting....especially if you have to keep the act up for awhile. It's hard to constantly be pretending to be calm and all together when all you want to do is get away from the situation. But we do it because it's a social world that we live in. And because you were BRAVE and STRONG and your own HERO, you got to see your daughter's performance!!!!!! Believe me, that is an accomplishment that uneducated people would simply scoff at.....but us anxiety-prone people recognize as real determination and sacrifice.

Yes, after playing the role of "normal person" (whatever THAT is), a lot of us do tend to slip into a depression. I guess because it is just so exhausting to play another person for any length of time, especially outside your comfort zone. But it doesn't last long....and you have the memories of that victory you achieved not only for yourself....but for your daughter too.

God bless,
Sandy

Hello (((DNL)))
Everything takes time when you have Agoraphobia. The depression the anxiety play a big part in your issues that you are having, but you are also making progress as well. I hope just staying in touch with your therapist and staying in therapy will help you progress more in the future. You also have to give yourself credit for the progress that you have made so that you can find some kind of happy medium in the recovrey process. It is good to see you posting again and becoming involved with Psych central and the support that is offered here so you dont have to feel as alone. Take care of yourself ((DAISIES)). Soidhonia

Congrats for getting to your daughters competition ! Please pat yourself on the back for me !!!! Travelling, staying a motel on top of it all - way to go !!!!!!!!! From someone who suffered with agoraphobia and severe panic attacks, now being panic free for 17 years, you really really did make progress !!!!!!!!!! Give yourself credit - I used to say "I lived to tell about it - therefore it had to be progress".

As for the dizzies - been there too ! Once I learned proper diaphragmatic breathing, it stopped. When the ole fight or flight response kicks in - dizziness is very common. A GREAT book that I would never have made it without - "Anxiety, Phobias and Panic - Taking Charge and Conquering Fear" by Reneau Z. Peurifoy. I highly recommend it !

Being really tired after an outing is very common also. Your body probably was on high alert - as well as you being "tensed up", and doing all those things you did that you hadnt been doing - from my personal experience, I would have had a "let down" period - and my favorite place was under the covers !

You stated you are back where you started - nope - that really doesnt happen. You learned things that weekend - even if you dont recognize it yet. We never go back to "where we were" - we do, we accomplish, we survive...that is progress ! Keep on keepin on !!!!!!!!!!!!!

sandy, soid and parker,
thank you all so much for your help and your kind words of encouragement! I have (as hard as it was) given myself a pat on the back for my accomplishment! Thank you again for all the encouragement!
Lisa

I just read this post - THANK YOU!!! I couldn't understand why when I do something huge (for me that is just going to the grocery store) I am soooo depressed for days after. I expected to feel good about myself, and it's the opposite. Now I see that this is "normal" I feel so much better.