[LMo]

Maybe it's because we moved to a new city recently and I am starting over, meeting new people and building new friendships, but I'm very surprised at some recent discoveries about me. I had called my doctor to ask if I should be concerned with leg twitches I've been having lately (I was concerned about maybe blood clots), which I was sort of thinking were similar to the eye twitch I am commonly stuck with. He said he would like to talk to me about anti-anxiety medication... FOR ME! WHAT?? All this time I've been focusing on my fiance and his problems... I didn't think I had any of my own. I was really surprised to hear him say that, so I asked our therapist and she completely agreed that I have anxiety issues, (and friends also agreed). I thought I was just high-energy, a go-getter, Type A person. I'm very surprised to be finding this out at age 35, but when I asked some of my friends why they didn't point it out before, they said that it was so obvious that they thought I knew!

What!

So anyway, I finally had my appointment with the doctor today, and he prescribed Ativan for the as-needed moments and Lexapro as a longer-term behavior correction tool.

I'm nervous about going down this path... but it's just so ironic because I am really all gung-ho about other people getting help for their problems. I just didn't realize that something that is such a part of my personality is actually something I need help with. Who knew?

I guess I'm not asking a question here... just didn't know where else to process this new information. Thanks for reading.

[Maya]

Welcome to the forum. I thought I was a Type A also - always go, go, go at top speed until I dropped. Then, suddenly, I crashed and realized I needed help. After lots of therapy and medications (Lexapro and Xanax) I am finally just starting to feel like I might make it. The first step my T gave me, even before the Xanax, was to try going at 3/4 speed instead of full speed all the time. That helped to slow me down and now with the meds added I have hope to beat the disease and discover who I really am - not Type A - but an efficient and competent professional.

[LMo]

Thanks Mars -- I have been on this forum for something like 2 years, but never for me. Strange. It's cool to know that there are other people who can relate -- I never thought the "go go go at top speed" thing was a problem. It's gotten me pretty far, actually. My 35th birthday was kind of a reality check, though, because it seems like around this age, all of my peers have kind of slowed down and are enjoying their kids and ceramic classes and neighborhood bbqs, while I am travelling for work every week, in school for my MBA, working 60+ hours, making a ton of money... but have no family to share it with. Fortunately I'm getting married in a few weeks... but how do I flip my career-based lifestyle around quickly so that I can still have kids before it's too late?

I'm pretty sure I can make good progress with my T and now the Lexapro, but it's been a strange year of self-realization.

Thanks again for replying,
LMo

[saudade]

Hi, LMo :-)

"it seems like around this age, all of my peers have kind of slowed down and are enjoying their kids and ceramic classes and neighborhood bbqs, while I am travelling for work every week, in school for my MBA, working 60+ hours, making a ton of money... but have no family to share it with."

Are you sure that your life has to be exactly the same as other people's? Is there anything wrong about making the choices you've made? Honestly, I don't think that just because you have made your own choices, that it means that you are chemically imbalanced.

I don't think that just because you are a woman, that you are bound to reproduce. I can't see what is wrong about being career-oriented. You have your fiancée with whom you share LOVE and COMPANIONSHIP. You are an independent woman, what's wrong about that?

Therapy is great and sometimes a necessity. But in your case, going straight to medication... I'm not sure about that. Of course, this is a biased opinion - you and I met in chat and I KNOW that you are ALRIGHT.

Anyway... Just hope you can sort that out and that you will choose what's best for you and not let the culture of designer drugs supress your real personality - which is great, by the way.

Love+Good Luck

[LMo]

Thanks Saudade -- I'm not comparing myself to others. It just was a reality check. I want kids very badly and I'm sure that others know the feeling -- I already feel maternal feelings even though I haven't had my kids yet.

I've been in therapy for over 13 years -- it's not straight to medication. I heavily weighed the decision and decided that there could be some benefit if I work hard at therapy and give it 6 months. I'm not second-guessing myself in the least.

Thanks for your response!

[SeptemberMorn]

For what's it's worth at this late date, I agree 100% with Saudade (I was applauding her!)... BUT... I'm not in the least surprised by your response.

So when is THE day? As for maternal feelings; I've had them as far back as I can remember, even before I was 10! LOL You're going to be a wonderful mommy!

CONGRATULATIONS AND MANY BLESSINGS!