MY KID IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!

My son is ADHD and had been diagnosed with aspergers. They were not sure though about the aspergers. Anyway, he is so definant to the point of me wanting to leave when he is like this.

ARRGGGG. So frustrated with this kid. I love him dearly but days like this are too much. He was on meds before and we all saw a great improvment; except his dad. His dad had told our own son that he was not going to allow him to be on this medication, or he will be just like his mom. JERKKKK. Anyway my husband (at the time) won this fight in Court. We were already separated and had filed for divorce. I had custody at the time so my son was getting his meds with me. Problem was that when our son was with him or his grandparents (on his side), they would not give it too him. So my son's doctor said that this could not continue. We ended up in Court and by law we can't force him to give him these meds. I had letters from my son's doctors, the school, a pdoc from out of town (which they brought in just for our son as he is highly recongized); and they still could not enforce this in the Courts.

In the end we had no choice but to take him off. His doctor said we can do more damage by jumping our son on and off meds then to not have any at all.

My son has gone up and down at times. He had worked really hard on his behaviour and school work and had done an excellent job. He has always had assistance with an aide at school and I took some courses to help manage at home. He was doing okay, but then I lost custody because of my mental illness. It went downhill from there. My son was harming himself and this was witnessed. He came to me on my access days with bruises all the time. He made extreme scratches all over his face at school, ate out of the garbage can, beat some up (another child), and decided to not use the washroom when he needed to relieve himself; all in a week. Ended up with a suspension. This continued so I started to fight this again with the Court system. Child welfare was brought in. Constant battles with lawyers (which I will never be able to pay off in my lifetime). It did not stop for an entire 2 years. I had to go to legal aid to find that I had to do all the work. This one lawyer made me come in to HIS OFFICE and prepare my own affidavit on his computer. I have done 80% of the legal stuff when I had no clue what I was doing. One of my affidavits got thrown out. My lawyers through legal aid did not care and did not even look my work over. I had to go private. Now I owe my bf 20,000 dollars. And still owe legal aid 3,500. And owe the home assessor 1,500. Pooie.

And where did it get my kids?? Yes, with me but I still have to have "permission" from my ex for anything. We have joint custody, I can't place our son on meds without consent. He is so hard to deal with right now. Phone calls from the school lately. His behaviour is unacceptable yet this boy needs help. I am at a loss, what do I do?????? I am so thankful that as much as he may behave this way sometimes, his school work is great. He brought home 3 tests; lowest mark being 94%. He is smart!!

Sorry, I really needed to vent this. I will take any suggestions??? I know many of you deal with this so I would be more than happy to hear what u have to say. I would appreciate it very much. I really need some advice. Thanks for listening.

Justy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Justy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't have any advise for you but do you know what I would have done? I would have told my lawyer (and I did once!) "OVER MY DEAD BODY!" Then I would have brought up the point that your son is in danger while in custody of his dad. That having failed, I would have denied visitation. (which I did waaaay more than once!)

Back in those days I was compared to a rabid momma bear and my motto was "Full speed ahead and DAMN the figgin' torpedoes!" (Sheesh! I scare myself sometimes. teehee)

CRAP! I mean... they deny granparent visitation for way less than that! Don't the courts realize how much harder they are making life for your boy??? AAHHHHH! They must have forgotten "In the best interest of the CHILD"!!!

Thats for sure; "In the best interests of the child."

They did a great job of making me look completely insane. They never took into account why I fell apart like I did. When we were married it was hell. We all lived in constant fear. People don't realize that money sure does help with battles like this.

Once I lost my kids, they totally took control. I fought so hard. It was constant, everyday of my life for almost 2 years. I never backed down and trust me, I tried every route I could. I even held the kids from him, but the thing was that he had custody at the time. I had to give them back or I would be denied any rights at all. I could show you documents that would blow your mind. Telephone conversations that I recorded. But you can't use phone conversations without getting permission from the person that u are speaking with. First u have to tell them u are recording it. If they say no way, then there is nothing u can do.

I will see what this specialist has to say. I will follow his recommendations and if it means hauling my ex into court; then so be it. The thing is that the fact remains a court can't order a parent to give medications. They can only "recommend" to follow doctors orders. Its stupid!!!!!! The good part is that their dad barely spends too much time with them. Not thats it good don't get me wrong; but if he does get placed on meds it will be easier to work around. The kids dad is not even taking his holiday time with them. When I told them they were upset. They wanted to know why dad hates them so much. I talked to them as best as I could but they felt let down by him. He is only taking 2 days with them on New Years. Like I say, he is a selfish JERKKKKK.

Thanks,

Justy

A close friend of mine was diagnosed ADHD as a kid, and not until high school was he diagnosed as having Aspergers syndrome. When he stopped taking his ritalin he had frightening visual hallucinations. I don't think people realize how much Ritalin can actually affect a kid, and in some cases I think doctors prescribe it too readily to deal with a kid's behavioural problems.
Sometimes Aspergers is MISDIAGNOSED as ADHD at first, becuase it's not a syndrome that many people know about, wheras ADD and ADHD have had lots of media in the last decade. I'd wait it out and see what the specialist has to say.
Defiance sometimes happens because people with Aspergers characteristically are happier living with their OWN routine, and I stress the word ROUTINE. Maybe it would be better for your son to be involved in a specialized program that would better suit his needs? People with Aspergers also have a tendency to be obsessive over one or two particular interest areas, such as fantasy games, computers, or aquariums, and learn about them voraciously. Your son's behaviour may improve if he is allowed to focus more on his special interests.
People with Aspergers are often also characterized as highly intelligent, though they may at first appear to be 'slow' because of poor school performance and lack of social skills (Aspergers is related to Autism). With nurturing, many people with Aspergers become very successful adults as a result of their nature to focus attention on one area. IQ tests are sometimes genius, though it may be difficult for them to express their ideas, or rather, for you and I to understand them.
Another downfall of Aspergers is that it has been associated with Bipolar, or that a person may exhibit bipolar symptoms. I'd ask the specialist about that too. Your husband is obviously being very insensitive on the issue of your illness and your difficulty in dealing with your son's behaviour. I urge you not to push for meds or anything until your son has seen the specialist. I don't know your son and I'm not a doctor, but I know what my friend went through.
My friend now repairs computers, has a huge collection of figurines he made him self, is fluent in German (reading and writing), attends and helps to organize group games, and has many good, caring friends. He remembers lines from a movie he's only seen once. He has a fabulous, if wacky, sense of humour, that is highlighted by his intelligence. He made me a beautiful sushi dinner a few weeks ago, the real deal. He's doing well for him self, becuase he was allowed to pursue his passions in an environment more flexible toward his needs and interests. He needs a boost now and then, but he's always ready to do the same for someone else.
Your son is going to be ok, and so will you, once things are under control. It sounds like your son is at an age where it's difficult to make boundaries. I see that you are frustrated, and a lot of that is because of your X husband which makes it harder for you to deal with your son. I wish you strength and the best of luck! *HUG* You are obviously one tough lady, I sincerely admire your dilligence and strength.
Check out this Aspergers website, www.aspergers.com , if you haven't already.
Hope some of that is helpful!

"SERENITY NOW!!!"

Justy dear

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that the ex still gives you so much trouble. He will get his one day! (That's the mad friend talking Sometimes I wish that the gov't and the court system would do what they say and think in the best interest of the child! And your doc is right about the ups and downs, taking and not taking the meds but it has to be very frustrating for you. I'm sending soothing thoughts your way....

But...I'm beginning to know how you feel. My 6 year old has been having alot of problems at school. Thinking back, I remember her being hard to teach from home. When my other two kids started school, they could write their names and knew their ABC's and all of that but I could never get her to sit still long enough to do anything like that. She was a clean slate.

Anyway, I noticed she had a small attention span and lots of energy last year but I thought it was because she started school so young (two weeks before she turned 5) and apparently her teacher wasn't paying attention either. Shame on us both! Because my daughter was put into a step-up Pre-1st grade class this year because she was not ready for first grade. Now her teacher and I are conferencing as we've both noticed her lack of attention and hyperactivity. I guess we're just starting *sigh* but she drives me nuts because it takes her 2 hours to write anything because she is constantly erasing and redoing the same words or getting stuck or skipping words in sentences. She is really smart, though. If she's interested, she is smart as a whip. If she's not, then it's a battle that leaves me in tears.

Do you have any advice to give me regarding treatment, you've been through this and I have no idea what to do!

Thanks in advance sweetie,
Kimberly.

Post deleted by DocJohn

Thanks so very much for all the replies. I have done so much research on this already but I find it hard to understand or should I say to use the knowledge when dealing with my son.

I did a report on ADD and ADHD. Copies went to the school and school board. I felt they needed a "little help". lolol, long story. But it was useful for them. It was a video that I studied for weeks, made notes, then did a report. I was glad that I did this as it did assist in dealing with him, (both at home and the school). They did use some of the tools from this and has worked to some degree. This was last year but my son has the same aid this year. They were very open to this and learned several things from the info I relayed.

It just seems so tough right now. He has really regressed and I feel like nothing is making a difference. My son stole again the other day. I caught him this time. I took him to the manager.....and in the end I had to come up with the money to pay for it as he had opened this. It cost me $35.00 and I was not happy. But my son lost his allowance for a while. He already paid me back some of it and will continue till its fully paid. Then I took the item as it was still intact, just opened, and put it in the Christmas fund for families that don't have the finances for the holidays. I know my son really learned from this. He was so upset he stood and cried while he was talking to the manager at the store. I stood back while they talked and one of the supervisors was crying too; lolol. She said she was sorry but he has such a cute face and he looked so horrified. But like I said to her; I can't allow him to get away with this. He has this problem before and I can't let it get out of hand. It needs to be dealt with seriously now!!!!

Soooooo........... my son had his appointment with the specialist yesterday. IT WENT GREAT!!!!! What an awesome doctor. He feels that this is definetly related to epilepsy and he had to laugh as he saw the ADHD. My son was all over the office. He could not sit still for a second. He was not bad by any means, just touching every single darn thing and going from one chair to another. He was drawing on the dry erase board, then he would go under a chair, then grab one of the doctors "tools", then back to the drawing. I was so happy that he displayed this when we were there. The doctor saw first hand what my son is like 24/7; lolol.

So in January we go back for testing. They are doing a sleep deprived test; yuckyyyy. Poor little boy. He can only have 4hrs sleep prior. Now that will be interesting keeping him awake!!!! I think we will stay over night. The drive there will put him to sleep. Then the doctor said we will go futher if needed depending on the outcome of the test. He has a few tests in mind but said will we take one step at a time. He asked me where my son's dad was. Why he did not attend. We talked about all of the problems and he was not happy. He told me that he now has himself and the hospital to contend with. He said that medication is most likely needed. He did say he does not like using meds but in my son's case it is obviously needed. I like his statement, "What happened to the best interests of the child?" I had to smile. He said everything that I told him, the letter from the school, and the info from my son's family doctor, shows that my son is needing help immediately and he will not sit back and have a parent "forget" what its all about. He said my son will never function properly if this is not treated. The more seizures he has, the worse things will get. Its dangerous not to treat this.

So after he talked to my son, examined him, then talked to me, I felt so much better. He answered many questions and explained things to make it more clear. I think this went so wonderfully and now my son has someone on his side. We are looking forward to this upcoming testing. My son can finally get on track or at least more sense can be made of all of this. So cool!!!!!!

Justy

I'm SO glad that the doctor finally got things figured out! Epilepsy, eh... wow. for a mom, that must be scary, but also so good to know finally what's going on. It's great that your son will get treatement at his age. I'm really happy for you and your son!

Yes, that is definitely good to read, Justy. I hope he gets the medications he needs in the future, and that the tests go well for him...