Coping with daily life and stress

I have never ever been able to cope with stress very well. Even activities of Daily living wear me out. It usually overwhelms me to the point of disintegration or explosion. Everything has to be planned out or else I get very anxious. I also need a lot of alone time and sleep to recover.

I am definitely not one of those people who can keep going and going and going.

Right now I am taking two courses in university. It is all I can handle. I feel so tired, even though I enjoy my classes. My time poor management skills contribute to the way I feel. Every semester is the same.

I live alone and have a hard time eating properly and keeping my place in order. I have always struggled with this.

Lately I have been thinking about my future. Will I ever work? I never have. My struggles with university and my poor abilities to look after myself and my apartment make me wonder if I will ever get off disability.

How are people with ASD able to work and manage life?

I'm going to such struggles every day. Like you, I need to have almost everything planned, and even then I feel very stressed, because I can't always complete all my tasks and I'm having difficulties in chosing the most important ones to do.

Unfortunately I don't have an answer to your question yet, I wish I had...

Hi - have you ever kept a record of how you spend your time, for one week? Looking at the record can show you places to focus on improving. Also, if important things are not done, work on changing that habit for a month or so, one habit at a time, until new habits become automatic. I am trying to streamline my food habits right now. Want to spend less time cooking, and just have convenient and healthy food easily available 2-3 times a day. Meals. I need meals, and no more snacking. Time waster, and I am too old to be able to afford a continuous calorie drip if you know what I mean - middle aged spread! However, maybe you need a different style, like keeping easy snack foods around. High calorie stuff like nuts. Oh! Here's a link I stumbled upon this morning when I was researching recipes. It's a link that would suit you, perhaps, definitely not me:

Interesting foods to pack in the calories? - diet recipes | Ask MetaFilter

I'm not diagnosed AS, but I have certainly had problems with coping with things ordinary people don't seem to mind. The things that suit them don't suit me, and they are draining to me. I think they would have problems coping in an environment I designed, also. So, I don't beat myself up about it. You're different, not broken. It just feels broken sometimes, I think. Just my opinion.

If you take care of your physical and emotional health first, you will have more energy to tackle things like your apartment and challenges such as school and one day work if you choose.

Thanks for the reply.

This is a major issue. Like you I feel I cannot keep up. E.g., completing assignments on time and meeting my basic needs such as eating. There is no balance in my life.

Everything I do takes a lot of time. When I feel pressured, my default reaction is panic. I try to control it, but I always seem to lose.

Have you tried to address time management?

Yes, I have succeeded! Long ago. Back in college the first time, in the 80s, my prof had as a project option a personal time management study as I described. It worked for me and I've used it over the years to revamp. Learning new habits has also helped. I always gets projects in on time, have never deferred exams, and feel very comfortable with deadlines. You just have to make priorities. It's obvious you have some challenges and changes to make - but after you do the home and food problems will become safe and reliable routines you are in control of. You just have to make it a priority for a while until they are set.

I've had plenty of panic. I prevent the chance of it with the above routines. I'm quite rigid in many ways. You are pushing yourself hard at school. When did things go wrong this term? When did you start to feel out of control? Analyze, and you can do better next time.

Edit: whoops, sorry, I thought that question was for me. I read carelessly . . . slinking away now...

No, I never tried this. This sounds like a really good idea.

My diet is plain because a lot of foods irritate my stomach. I don't know what to buy. Lately I have been trying dried fruit like figs and mangoes.

I don't care for cooking but I try to force myself to do it. I am able to make a few simple things like steak. Maybe I need to work on my cooking skills.

Sometimes I cannot help but feel broken. Grrrrrr. Thanks for this and the link. Nuts and olive oil seem like good suggestions.

No worries. Everyone is welcomed to answer my questions.

I don't seem to learn when it comes to time management.

I haven't tried and probably never will. I'd rather have my own schedule...not a big fan of sharing my daily activities if it's not necessary.
I don't have problems with the basic needs, at least not big problems. The other things like doing a project or cleaning my room seem almost impossible before I get started. It's just that what I enjoy the most (reading stuff and listening to music on the internet) absorbes me very much. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not just a lazy dude...

Or, you haven't yet learned. Or are you saying it's impossible to learn?

Have you tried picking one thing and working with that for an entire month to see if it makes a difference? If there's any way I can help, let me know.

I never seem to learn no matter how hard I try.

No, I never tried this. The only thing I tried was creating a schedule to help with assignments.

I work full time as a hospice cna and I go to college part time. I work third shift because the patient generally sleeps all night and the care is usually easy. With college I have accommodations and the professors are very understanding of my disorders. I modify my situations to help me be more successful such as sitting in the last row away from people in lectures and working easy hours. I do tasks/hw in small amounts everyday which help a lot because I generally can't do a lot of things at once.

I too suffer from stress with day to day activities.

I've had two jobs in my life (currently I'm 28). I worked in France as a teen, on a campsite, and I really enjoyed it. The people there were far less judgemental than most people from home so I felt more comfortable in my own skin when I was there. But the long days and large amounts of responsibility reduced me to tears quite often.

Back home I got a job working in a toy shop, I held that for 4 years somehow. I was ALWAYS late to my work though, usually by just around 5 minutes, but sometimes a lot longer. In fact a few times, I got woken up by phone calls from my work because I was supposed to be there and had totally forgotten about it because I got distracted by something interesting the night before.

I ended up having to leave that job around five years ago, because I was getting in so much trouble there from management. They were pissed (and probably rightfully so) about my lateness, extended absences (sometimes I took a month or two off because I just couldn't handle the stress), my attitude whilst at work, my interactions with the staff and customers, etc. I was either going to leave off my own back, or get fired, so I left. I was glad I did though, whilst I missed the job at first, I did not miss the stress or need for time keeping which I sucked at.

It's very common for people with AS to have a deficit in what they call "cognitive functioning". This means we can have difficulty with 'understanding the concept of time', 'processing information', 'predicting consequences of an action', and 'executive functioning'.
All of this leads to bad time management, and an inability or difficulty in planning and executing activities. There are numerous occasions where I have multiple things to do, and I end up doing none of them because I literally just can't decide which one to do first. It's the same reason I can't be asked what I'd like for dinner, because if I'm asked or given options, then I simply wont eat because I can't make my mind up about what to eat. If I have to (not that it happens often, once every two years maybe) go to a restaurant, I always order the same thing without even looking at the menu. If I open the menu, I'm not going to eat.

If I need to do something that isn't part of my daily routine, I really struggle, and I mean really struggle. It's something that takes me weeks to psych myself up for. This weekend, my mum has gone to visit relatives so I am in the house by myself. I already know that this means I wont eat properly for the next few days. I'll probably not go to bed at any 'normal' hour. I wont see anybody or speak to anybody, and there is a good chance I'll lose several hours if I start doing something I enjoy. Without somebody here to prod me and get me to move onto the next task, I just lose all track of time and forget there are other things needing done.

It's important to remember that AS is a spectrum disorder, so it affects everybody slightly differently and to a different degree. Some people are more impaired than others.

Wow, sorry that wasn't meant to be a book post.

Where do I start? Ahhhhhh. How do I approach a problem? Options. Options. Options. I can really relate to this and the paralysis it can cause.

I am trying to figure out ways to work around my executive function problems. Right now the smallest thing stresses me out. Do you have any suggestions?

I am supposed to go on a trip soon and it is stressing me out. No one seems to understand this. The unknown and eating in restaurants isn't my idea of fun. Anyway, I don't care for family gatherings because I am expected to be social.

I wonder if a lot of my struggles would improve if I lived with family or get some kind of home support. Perhaps I need to add more structure to my life.

I am starting to see my limitations. Before I thought I was just lazy and unmotivated. That is what people told me. Now, I know better.

Thanks for your reply and sharing your employment experience.

That's exactly what I get like!

I really dislike trips or 'holidays'. They usually cause me more stress than relief and for months ahead of them I just panic about all the things I'm going to have to do whilst I'm there that I don't want to have to do etc.

I wish I had some good advice for you on how to cope, but sadly my current coping strategy is avoidance. Not exactly the best option. I'm hoping to get some support from a local Asperger's clinic and my PDoc, but appointments take so long to come through and even the thought of going to those causes me stress.

You know, I would love to live on my own, just for the ability to be completely in control of if/when I socialise. Though, in the past when I have tried to live alone it never worked out. I either had electricity cut because I forgot to pay the bill (or spent the money on something else), didn't have any food in because I got too freaked out about having to go to the shop, or just got overwhelmed with depression because of all the stress of bills and organising things.

At this point, I'm really not sure if I'll ever be able to live alone, which is upsetting.

Haha, all my life I've been told I was just lazy and that I needed to just 'get my finger out and do it'. Knowing that my brain is wired to be this way does help alleviate some of the guilt, but it doesn't really get me anywhere... Not yet anyway.

Happy to share my experiences, especially with somebody who has a Kathryn Janeway quote in their signature. Sorry I couldn't really be of more help.

I usually cope with avoidance too. It causes so much disappointment for my family. They would love it if I visited more often. I have been avoiding visits because travelling 1100 km is too overwhelming. Now, I am trying to get over it so I can leave on the weekend. I really don't want to disappoint my mother again.

My city doesn't have an Asperger clinic for adults. I wish it did. So many of us cannot get services unless we see a psychiatrist. It would be great to have support services for independent adults.

There is hope. When you do decide to try it again, make sure to set up some support.

When I first moved out on my own I couldn't manage my apartment and money. It took about 8 years for me to learn how to manage money. Online banking has really helped. All my bills are emailed to me, which has reduced my tendency to forget about them. I also give my landlord post dated checks. He always cashes them on the 5th so I make sure there is money in my account before he does.

Grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning are what challenge me.

Getting a roommate would be a huge adjustment for me. I don't think I could do it. I am so used to living on my own. Nobody interferes.

I was misdiagnosed with personality disorder before I was diagnosed with ASD. Apparently this is quite common. Having that label was awful because psychiatrists would not listen and would imply that I was a lazy ***. It really hurt. The ASD diagnosis has taught me to be more gentle with myself.

Janeway always gets me through tough times. I consider her a role model.

Yeah it's my family and friends I feel really bad for. I feel guilty a lot because I always say no to plans, or end up cancelling last minute because my nerves get the better of me.

The support for adults on the spectrum does seem to be very limited, which is a real shame I think. There are a lot of adults who weren't diagnosed until they were already adults, so they need just as much support as children do really. I wasn't diagnosed until this year, and God knows I've no idea how to function in the world properly haha.

I wish you luck with your plans for getting home at the weekend!

That's exactly the sort of thing I'm hoping I'll be able to get some sort of help with. Right now, I live at home with my mum. I live in constant fear of something happening to her, because if she wasn't here I really don't know how I'd be able to cope with general day to day things that she just does for me because I get overwhelmed.

All of our home bills are in her name, so each month I just give her money for them, but most of the time I'm a few days to a week late and she has to cover me. I feel awful when she has to do that, but sometimes I just don't even remember that it's that time of the month again. I find that days/weeks/months pass without me even realising.

As I predicted, with her being away this weekend, I've had soup for dinner (which she had cooked earlier in the week and put into individual portions in the fridge) each night. I also ate much later than I should have, but I just don't notice the time.

Somehow, even with all of this, the government want to stop my disability if I don't get back into employment in the next 6 months... That alone has me beyond stressed because I can barely think about eating dinner, or leaving the house, let alone trying to keep a job.

Misdiagnosis are a horrible thing. I saw my first PDoc when I was 12, he diagnosed me with depression. Three PDocs after him also diagnosed me with depression, and one of them thought it may be dysthymia (a state of chronic depression). It was only when I had a mental break down earlier in the year and was sent for an emergency psych consult, that one of the doctors noticed AS traits and sent me to a clinic for diagnosis. At that time I was also diagnosed with OCD and DID.

All these years I've been telling them I don't feel depressed, until they tell me I'm depressed and send me home with pills that do nothing, and not one of them listened to me.

Janeway is awesome, favourite Captain! I watch Voyager far more than I probably should haha.

I saw the doctor earlier this week and asked about getting some home support. She wasn't sure what was available for adults without physical and intellectual disabilities so she asked me to see the clinic's social worker in January.

It felt weird asking for this, because I don't like to burden others with my problems.

@The_little_didgee, oh don't worry about so many things,going to school is a fulltime job. Just do your best that's all any of us can do. Be proud of yourself for going to college, being independent, and living your life. It is a big accomplishment.

Going to school takes alot out of you. Find a few recipes which you enjoy and prepare them ahead of time. Like spaghetti make enough for two to three nights because cooking is hard when you are too tired. This will give you more time to relax and get ahead on homework. The paleo diet is good nutritional way to keep your self energize and satisfied. Nuts, fruits, vegetables, or cheese sticks, yogurt, protein shakes, are all good sources to keep you healthy as well. Anything else don't worry about it will get done. All college people struggle with this.

I'm glad you were able to at least get pointed in the right direction! It is hard asking for help, it's like admitting failure or holding your hands up and saying "I can't do it". But in truth, asking for help is not a bad thing, in fact it's much more sensible than not asking for help and just pushing on through yourself but not getting anywhere. You did the right thing!

I hope 2014 starts well for you.