[Anonymous37919]

Yeah. Loneliness.

Since my grandmother died in 2004, everything has paled in comparison to those wonderful days where the Internet was not important and all the stress, heartache and general crap was yet to happen in my life, and probably in all of your lives too.

While I do have an older best friend, I sadly do not have any "real life" friends in my age range due to feeling anxious and that is because I never make the effort to find any either, and during the daring attempts I made, I was left hurt, so I realized that being alone is more healthy, but not really.

I must say - I think the last 3 years of my life have been among the worst ever, from finding my ex and getting screwed by her, albeit in a non-sexual way, going to jail, losing my flat and all the bullying online.

I still have a cry over my former key worker Sara from time to time. And I truly love and miss my Latino mentor. My world feels empty without a lot of people - actually. Her especially.

I am considering not using message boards after the new year begins. There is nothing interesting to talk about. Forums were a bit on the pleasurable side 12 years ago. Now they are really very boring.

My sister nearly lost her other son recently. Since that is her business, I cannot really delve into the ins and outs of what has went on, but 2015 is going to be remembered as the wake-up call I so rightfully needed.

I am sure you all get treated like dirt by the neurotypical scum, my comrades.

Peter A, i am sorry such bad things you've had to endure. I have not had a very nice year either. I know autistic people and they are wonderful. I never treated them any different. If you can live in a house with 13 people all talking at once, nothing would ever bother you! I have an older sister Bipolar. I have another Manic frantic AAA personality, super hyper to the max. I have a cousin who is paranoid schzhoidphrenic, a couple siblings who are alcoholics and etc. We all managed under that roof. My mom had two nervous breakdowns. I am sharing all this to tell you, we have to live the life that we are dealt to live. It is all about attitude. Don't give up on people and their stories. They are there to help others going through the same. You are here for a purpose and i am glad you are a part of PC. Keep posting. You do have something to offer to others. tc

[Anonymous37919]

My social worker said it would only be a "bonus" if I found work as an extra. He has a point. It is not a consistent field of work and you may not even get paid for it. The chances of you getting more and better work is very slim.

My grandmother loved people. She always had time for others. Sara could have been a good friend for me. Maybe one day, I will meet another lovely Hispanic woman, but I doubt it. Both Sara and my favorite wrestler Eddie Guerrero are just memories now. I'll miss Latino Heat and Sara forever.

I got a reply back from Autism Initiatives via my advocate and one comment said that because this is still an issue some 2 years later, they made the right choice to keep the workers away from me. The rest was their opinions.

I like to think that 2002 up till 2015 never happened. But maybe Speedy Gonzales could ask Sara to be my amigo again.

The fastest mouse in Mexico will find her. Ariba. Ariba. Andale. Andale.

[Anonymous37919]

By the way, I hate my supervisor. Next in line to feel awkward would be my dentist. That is how it always starts.

You say something, it is taken out of context. Next thing you know, heads up, this guy fancies all of ya.

Yeah. Because we get looked upon as being an alien species, or a stalker for using a public website to say sorry to someone paid to "care" for us.

My parents' house is so cluttered. There is no shower either. I'd rather shower cleanly than lay in a bath full of mucky water. That's not getting cleaned up.

I don't know. I'm finding life terribly boring. Me not being in that flat has had a detrimental effect on my friend. Now he has ended up in jail. Usually, he tosses something randomly onto the street from his top floor window. If that hit my skull. Oh, man!

[-jimi-]

Well, yes I see loneliness as well, but lets break it down a bit. Is it because people were not kind enough to be our friends? Some think like that. I do not.

I have several friends with autism who claim they are very lonely. Still, life throws them just so many people, but it is them that throw those people away. I ask, that person tried to hang out with you, what happened?

They go; "I didn't LIKE them!" or "Oh, its just NN, they are a nobody."

When I ask, but I'm your friend am I not? They go.. "Oh, but that is YOU." Whatever hell that means...

To me it seems they are looking for some elite person at friendship. Also, even when someone really nice comes along, they don't reciprocate, they are not nice back, so that person loses interest. It might sound harsh, but if people cannot give, just take, they will not develop bonds. Also, they might lack something within themselves, because when someone pays interest in them and they cannot "feel" it, they blame it on the other person, not on their own issues.

To get good friends one must be a good friend. There are no other ways since friendships come from someone wanting to be with you. It is not something someone must. Some people need to take a step out of themselves and think a little about other people's needs. I think a lot of autistic people actually can learn this.

One of my autistic friends thinks I should serve all her needs while she should serve none of mine. She even said that is what true friendship is. I am of another opinion.

[Anonymous37919]

Maybe they don't mean to throw away chances but may have a social phobia, or compare their "chances" of having the same success. I'm on their side, I suppose.

It can be hard to mimic how they act. Personally, I used to think to myself about how they effortlessly blended in and talked to newbies as if they knew them for years.

I am not attractive enough in real life. I've got big teeth and glasses. Plus I am very thin. These are not traits valued by women. I've lost interest in a social life. Sometimes, I feel it is my other skills that have to get me noticed.

Like one may be good at a particular sport, can draw great pictures, or may be a talented actor. Sometimes, a professional approach can be the only way, as you may just suck at conversing with women. I'm a lover of 80's music, but because it is outdated, most people would perhaps only know certain groups or may only like new music. I'm not into modern music that much. I'm forced to hear it, but it is not something that lives in my world.

[SlayGuy138]

As a person suffering from Asperger syndrome, as well as major clinical depression and complex PTSD, I'd say that loneliness describes one of my major struggles in life quite well. I can't speak for everyone, but I have a hunch that your assessment of loneliness is pretty damn near universal to the autistic community.

I think there are a number of reasons for this. Sure, it's been said that autistic people struggle with social skills. I know that damn well. My dad was out of my life for much of my childhood, and mother was too busy beating me senseless and lying about me to psychiatrists to teach me the basic set of skills that everyone else takes for granted. I'd say that the fault is also on society as a whole, for demonizing the disenfranchised and weak; either outright bullying them, or patronizing them and taking them for emasculated r***rds with no capacity for legitimate emotion or critical thought, and therefore it's as if they're of no worth (both of which has been the case in my life).

How can anyone expect me to already know what was never taught to me? And besides, much of that **** I don't need to know anyway. But basic compassion, understanding, and respect are things that every human being deserves, and things that I see are denied far too often. Just as one example out of many (and it's probably not a very good one), you'll often hear about 'nice guys' being demonized and mocked just because they're honest and compassionate people who are looking for a romantic relationship. The implication is that they're all 'creeps' or 'stalkers'. While it very well is true that a lot of assholes use these tactics to take advantage of others (which is extremely messed-up in its own right), the implication is that they don't know basic social skills, and deserve to be denied things that everyone else takes for granted - as if they had any choice in the matter.

I think society needs to be a more compassionate and understanding place. It seems as if liars and sadists rule the world and have free reign to abuse whoever they please and get off scott-free, and when their victims call them out on their horrible deeds then all of a sudden they are the bad guys. No one should be surprised when the oppressed push back.

Maybe I'm not suffering from Asperger syndrome after all - maybe I'm suffering from asshole world syndrome.

How can anyone expect me to already know what was never taught to me?

I think because most people are not enlightened about Asperger's. So, an appropriate question would also be, "How can someone with Asperger's expect others to already know what was never taught to them?"

[-jimi-]

About "love"... in most species most males do not get to mate. Humans for some reason think they should all have that privilege, sure, we're not like other mammals but, when it comes to partners, people do tend to fall back to instinct a lot. I don't know what can be done about that, you cannot force people to love.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Well, yes I see loneliness as well, but lets break it down a bit. Is it because people were not kind enough to be our friends? Some think like that. I do not.

I have several friends with autism who claim they are very lonely. Still, life throws them just so many people, but it is them that throw those people away. I ask, that person tried to hang out with you, what happened?

They go; "I didn't LIKE them!" or "Oh, its just NN, they are a nobody."

When I ask, but I'm your friend am I not? They go.. "Oh, but that is YOU." Whatever hell that means...

To me it seems they are looking for some elite person at friendship. Also, even when someone really nice comes along, they don't reciprocate, they are not nice back, so that person loses interest. It might sound harsh, but if people cannot give, just take, they will not develop bonds. Also, they might lack something within themselves, because when someone pays interest in them and they cannot "feel" it, they blame it on the other person, not on their own issues.

To get good friends one must be a good friend. There are no other ways since friendships come from someone wanting to be with you. It is not something someone must. Some people need to take a step out of themselves and think a little about other people's needs. I think a lot of autistic people actually can learn this.

One of my autistic friends thinks I should serve all her needs while she should serve none of mine. She even said that is what true friendship is. I am of another opinion.

It's very clear you are biased. I'm pretty sure your friend did not actually literally say that you should serve all her needs and she should serve none of yours. How do I know this. You still call her your friend. That simple. You just hold whatever grudges that you try to live out this way.

[-jimi-]

She often unfortunately told me many times she is always forgotten and no one cares, right after I spent a lot of time and energy on her. Of course that will trigger feelings in me. It's like someone cooler and someone with unlimited energy should come help her instead. I might say but someone just helped you, you aren't forgotten. But she still says she is. And I might spend time with her just to be told no one ever spends time with her and that she has no friends. I say what about me? She tells me a real friend would spend all days on her, not a day here and there. I'm still her friend because I understand she doesn't understand I have needs too. She can't picture anyone else having a different life or different needs. But I'm not some supernatural being, I do have emotion too.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

She often unfortunately told me many times she is always forgotten and no one cares, right after I spent a lot of time and energy on her. Of course that will trigger feelings in me. It's like someone cooler and someone with unlimited energy should come help her instead. I might say but someone just helped you, you aren't forgotten. But she still says she is. And I might spend time with her just to be told no one ever spends time with her and that she has no friends. I say what about me? She tells me a real friend would spend all days on her, not a day here and there. I'm still her friend because I understand she doesn't understand I have needs too. She can't picture anyone else having a different life or different needs. But I'm not some supernatural being, I do have emotion too.

Ah, ok, that clarifies. Sorry for assuming too much.

But I don't think this attitude has anything to do with autism. This is just self-absorbed as ****.

[-jimi-]

I don't know actually. She failed the Sally Anne test (as an adult). She showed many times she can't put herself in anyone else's shoes. That is part of autism, on a more severe level. She can hold for a few minutes in her mind that I have my own needs, but when she stops actively thinking about it, she has to relearn that fact over and over and it never stays.

[ShineYourLight]

your autistic? you just gave me goose bumps

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I don't know actually. She failed the Sally Anne test (as an adult). She showed many times she can't put herself in anyone else's shoes. That is part of autism, on a more severe level. She can hold for a few minutes in her mind that I have my own needs, but when she stops actively thinking about it, she has to relearn that fact over and over and it never stays.

How does she react if you express yourself directly emotionally? (Or someone else)

[-jimi-]

I don't understand the question.

[snickie]

Scenario: You're having a bad day. Maybe your boss is a jerk or somebody cut you off in traffic today making you late to therapy or your dog died or something. You express this sentiment to her. Her most likely reaction?

Scenario: You're having a great day. Maybe your boss gave you a raise or you got something fancy and awesome or you got all the green lights on the way to the best therapy session ever. You express this sentiment to her. Her most likely reaction?

[-jimi-]

Who are we talking about?

[snickie]

Your friend, I think. The one who is incapable of understanding thatother people have needs too.

[-jimi-]

It's not really my thread this and maybe we're gone too far off topic.

Also it sort of terrifies me that you put "dog died" (a family member!!!) in the same category as bad day as someone acting a jerk or getting late.

I think I will choose to wrap up here and end my participating in this thread.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I don't understand the question.

I meant, if you express yourself directly and obviously via emotions and not just tell her in a matter-of-fact style that you have your own needs too.

[-jimi-]

I don't because it scares her, I've seen people showing emotion (negative) with her and she just never spoke to them again and went to me and told me day after day how much they hate her. She nags me to say I'm not angry with her and I have to not be angry or she gets scared and starts screaming and runs out of the house like without shoes and runs into the woods and isn't herself for a week like a complete mental break, that never happened with us but has with others.

She also lacks interest in my life because when I'm not around she only feels I exist if she thinks about contacting me otherwise for her it is like I appear out of nothing. She doesn't understand I have my life dealing with. If I got physically hurt for some reason or sick she spends 30 seconds on that and then forgets all about it. If I ask her later she claims I never mentioned it and says I'm always healthy and fine.

Kind of weird dynamics.

[tiger8]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I don't because it scares her, I've seen people showing emotion (negative) with her and she just never spoke to them again and went to me and told me day after day how much they hate her. She nags me to say I'm not angry with her and I have to not be angry or she gets scared and starts screaming and runs out of the house like without shoes and runs into the woods and isn't herself for a week like a complete mental break, that never happened with us but has with others.

She also lacks interest in my life because when I'm not around she only feels I exist if she thinks about contacting me otherwise for her it is like I appear out of nothing. She doesn't understand I have my life dealing with. If I got physically hurt for some reason or sick she spends 30 seconds on that and then forgets all about it. If I ask her later she claims I never mentioned it and says I'm always healthy and fine.

Kind of weird dynamics.

Yeah weird, why are you sticking with her, is there something positive too?

[-jimi-]

Well, I just assume people don't ask for being born disabled and that they don't need one more person dumping them. She wouldn't understand WHY I left. I don't want to cause that. One more person just acting confusing and hurtful from her perspective.

Maybe if I keep explaining things she will understand other people better one day, and what goes wrong in the interaction between her and others.