how to get a child with sensory issues used to wearing a bra?

I don't know if my daughter is on the autism spectrum. She may have something like Asperger's, or she may just have a ton of sensory issues (hates loud noises, won't eat food unless it is plain, unseasoned, not combined, won't wear pants or shorts, only dresses, socks have to be inside-out, etc.). Anyway, she is 9 now (will be 10 in December) and in the 4th grade. She is beginning to enter puberty and is starting to develop a little on top. About half her dresses she cannot wear to school without a training bra (to lessen the fight, right now we go with the dresses that don't obviously need a bra). However, she is developing quickly, and I fear that by winter, all of her dresses will need something underneath.

The problem is, she HATES training bras. I have tried many brands. I have even tried having her wear camisole shirts under her dresses. It is a no-go. She will spend 15 minutes or longer trying to get comfortable in a dress with a bra and still be fidgeting and complaining about it afterwards. On a school morning, when time is pressed, we really don't have the time for this. As a parent, I just don't know what to do. I can't send her to school without a bra in clothes where she needs to wear one.

I don't even have sensory issues (or maybe just a slight one I outgrew as a kid as I did have the wearing socks inside-out thing), and I remember it took a little time for me to get used to the idea and feel of wearing a bra, but it wasn't that big a struggle.

What can I do to make this easier on my daughter? Is there a brand of bra or camisole that is more sensory-friendly than others? I feel badly watching her fidget for ages and still not be able to feel comfortable in her own clothes. (As it is, sometimes she will take up to 5 minutes to feel comfortable in her panties any given day, and I have to buy a certain brand, but it is luckily a common brand and she is fine with the common bikini cut.) On the other hand, I'm afraid I will be getting calls from the school if I start sending her in clothes without a bra when she needs one.

Any suggestions?

Oh boy. That is a tough one, and I just want to say how much I feel for you. I've been on both ends of this -- serious sensory/Aspie issues growing up, and then 2 out of my 3 kiddos had the same. My youngest (F) wouldn't/couldn't wear jeans or khakis -- knit pants or sweats ONLY, and the bra thing was quite a tussle. We ended up (after many false starts) going to a very nice department store and having her properly fitted -- and walked out of there with 5 stretchy, wide-strapped little numbers that she actually forgot she was wearing after the first hour or so. It was $$$$, but worth it to not have the tears and begging every morning.

I see you did go the cami route: we did too, for awhile -- but her development soon overtook that. :/ In winter, I let my daughter wear a tank top under sweatshirts, but warmer weather was an issue for clothing.

Does she have friends who are older hands at the bra-wearing? That seemed to help my kiddo, cause they'd go shopping and look at cute undies...lol. She was more willing to try other things as time progressed.

My sympathy! I hated bras as a youngster & Mother was not at all having it. lol

Best,

Chyia, not missing those days at all!

Simple very lightweight, not too tight bandeau perhaps?

A well fitted soft tank top? I don't see the point in squeezing little girls' chests together. I was lucky, child of the 80s, no one wore a bra.

Someone suggested a sports bra to me and that their child liked it to be tight. My daughter seems to prefer her underwear to be tight and well-fitted (though dresses must be loose and not tight at all and also very plain, no belts, no things like lace on the chest, etc.). She will not even wear pants and shorts saying they are too tight. If pants are loose enough, they are so loose, they fall off her hips. Thank goodness, we live in the Houston, TX area. Winters are mild, though there are still some days during the winter when pants would be more appropriate than dresses.

I did get her professionally measured for a bra at Justice, so I know her chest size. Of course, she took the entire experience as a huge indignity, and even allowing her to buy a flavored, slightly tinted lip gloss which she likes (she is not allowed to wear makeup yet) did not make up for the horrid experience of getting measured for a bra. We didn't buy any bras at Justice because of the price but perhaps we will end up going back there and getting one or 2 to try it.

I postponed buying a bra for a long time (resulting in my first size being 75C - 34C in the US). What mostly helped me was to buy a bra that was slightly too large band-size-y, so it didn't fit as snugly and I felt I could still breathe.

Also, a good bra will actually protect your breasts from sensations. A bra doesn't move - a top or a tshirt will. The "padding" (even in non-padded bras) will ensure you'll actually feel less once you get used to it.

I had trouble getting used to bras. For me I'd wear it for an hour around the house to try to get used to it and then slowly built it up. When I was out of puberty I used to wear nursing bras since they are softer than regular so that may be an option for the future. I always avoid underwire and use bra extenders and don't put it too tight.

I have the opposite problem. I hate not wearing a bra. I only take it off to shower. I have not taken it off to sleep in over a year. I just hate the feeling of not having one on. Also one of the few times I slept without one on I ended up in the emergency room. It was an awkward and embarrassing situation.