Glad to have found tthis place. Is there hope for this thing?

Hello, this is my first posting here and don't want to take up too much space here. I think I may have avoidant personality? Um, would help if I went to therapy but I'm tired of being quizzed and quizzed, asked and asked...I'm tired of telling the story of my life without getting any real reasons. And the answer I want is: is there hope for people who have avoidant personality? I do have Asperger's for sure, and have wondered for years if I had avoidant personality..I fit the bill 100%. What tips can help? Can people fake happiness?? Life isn't terrible, but it does get lonely. I don't even dream about relationships anymore..

thank you.

Hi girlwithbrownhair,
I'm not sure how a person gets over having avoidant personality disorder; maybe more like we learn to live with it. I struggle with trusting people - including professionals/my husband. Weekly therapy sessions and medications are very helpful for me. I think that having an avoidant personality has made it harder for me to recover from depression and anxiety.

Sorry you are struggling with this too.

Take care.

two sons,

Thank you for replying! Nice to meet you. Can I ask a couple of stupid questions here? How hard is marriage when you're avoidant? You are proof it can be done, and for that I applaud you. Some forums I went to spoke about avoidant personality with words like "run, run, run!"...as if we were the plague. How do you manage it? May I ask what medicine works for you? Is it a lot of hard work to be in a relationship when you have this personality type? I'm assuming you went thru the gamut as a baby, neglect etc...(as did I, and I'm not even angry about it).

I'm in my 40's and have never had a relationship last longer than about 8 months, and want to lick this darn thing becasue I have feelings for a guy that i want to maybe act uponlol, for once anyway! (he's just so perfect!). Never had a clue until I happened upon the term avoidant on another psych forum. Now I'm going for a diagnosis but wonder how worth it could be to even get it this late in life...?

girlwithbrownhair,
It is very exciting that you have met a guy that you like and that he is perfect! I really hope for your sake that you can work through the avoidant tendencies and allow yourself to get to know him and him to get to know you. I know how hard it is!

You are young! LOL I am 49 and have been married for 26 years. It took severe depression for me to actually go for any treatment and being avoidant makes me pretty "treatment resistant". I guess in a way my husband is avoidant too and, I'm sorry to say it, but we don't have the greatest relationship.....I do not allow myself to be open with anyone - including my husband. Lucky for him ,he is very independent and does not depend on me to do things with him. I also have two adopted sons, ages 19 and 17. I guess I have become more avoidant the older I am.

I have been diagnosed with double depression (major depression and chronic depression), anxiety disorder NOS, and avoidant personality disorder. All combined it's hard for me to hope or look forward to anything - I fantasize about suicide. Currently I am taking a whole bunch of meds: Cymbalta, Buspar, Seroquel XR, Remeron, Ambien. I live for taking the bedtime meds - sleep is what I look forward to.

Let me know what you decide to do about they guy in your life.

Take care.

i haven't been officially diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder either, but my therapist thinks its a possibility. my psychiatrist wants to rule out borderline personality disorder also, but its not official yet (although i was dx'd with having BPD features). i also have depression and anxiety.

Hi twosomes, hope you've been well. I haven't done anything with this guy in my life...have had brief touches with depression maybe? Though there's been other legitimate reasons too.

My word, you're to be admired for raising a family with everything you have going on!

And thanks to all who responded as well!

(Omg I love these stickies!!)

I feel similar about the whole relationship thing...

I used to approach people (very rarely, but it happened) to tell them that I was interested in them and the last time I did this, the rejection was so brutal (like worse than my worst case scenario) that I've had immense trouble having feelings ever since. By that I mean, I still had crushes but was so horrified about what would happen if they ever found out and so upset that I had these feelings that I've completely shut down sexually. And shut down from having any sort of relationship. I am talking to this person who did this to me again, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I bring up how much what he did hurt me and has made it literally impossible for me to ever date.

That of course wasn't meant to deter you from pursuing this guy if you like him. The scenario I just described would only happen to me.

I'm really similar to Two Sons when it comes to experiences/meds I've tried, but I'm actually only 24 and not married (obviously).

I've found that I can just barely imagine a relationship anymore because I was told that that was wrong and creepy and because whenever I imagine a relationship now, the other person always ends up hating me in the end. I don't know if that's true or not...but those sorts of feelings seem common in people with AvPD. Also, imagining relationships is common from what I've read. But like I said, I was told this was bad and creepy (don't know if it's true...I don't know if anything is true anymore).

But if nothing else, I can relate...