Lack of responsibility

When I fear conflict, I will avoid the situation, meaning missing appointments, scheduled events, work, etc. It is always interpreted as irresponsibility and/or lack of consideration. However, everytime I avoid a situation, it tears me up inside. I have burned a lot of bridges because of my AP.

Sunnye, I can relate. I too hate conflict and the resulting guilt after I feel like I've let someone down, or not lived up to a standard 'expectation.'

I also avoid tasks that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle because I don't know how to do them, or because they're too daunting to even start. (I was 4 years behind in filing my taxes a few years back. I finally got caught up and vowed I would never let it happen again. A couple of years later, I got behind again! I hate that part of me!

Anyway, I don't have any suggestions since I haven't figured out how to deal with it myself, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Hugs,

MHH

Hi,
Instead of avoiding anything it is better to take the resposibility of all these.

As we all know, which is why this post was started I believe, it is better to face things than avoid, but this is where the struggle comes in. It's not as easy as saying, "well, since it's better, I'll just do it." At least not for most.

While I don't struggle with missing appointments, etc., I loathe conflict. I have another post about it where Sannah really helped me with this...I will locate it and post the link, see if it offers anything useful for you.

Thanks, Guys.

I do the absolute same thing Its so hard isnt it! I always cancel plans last min, if im really in a mood ill call out of work, i have not shown up to volunteer things that i sign up for just because i dont want conflicts or i get nervous to talk to people. I also have burned MANY bridges and no one seems to understand i dont do because i dont care. you my dear are not alone.

hi... just want you to know that i've been experiencing that before also and still feeling that way from time to time... you are not alone

me too. I feel I can't be trusted to do things for other people because I always seem to do the opposite of what they want me to do. besides, no one ever says "Thanks for doing what I asked you to do." That must be weird, right? Yet it's perfectly normal to be angry or disappointed when an order is not followed.

me too! I'm not who I want to be. I feel like since this onset, I have lost my soul and personality.

Hey guys I have been thinking about a good challenge for all of us struggling with self confidence/conflicts/discussions etc. For the next week, month or whatever, EVERYTIME we come into a conflict, lets defend ourself, or at least try to, Even though we know we are wrong and the arguments we use are stupid...for the sake of a good cause lets do it! I think it would be very good training actually trying to defend ourself and not just nood and agree with everything. When I try to say my opinion and someone argues against it, I agree with them and discussion over..lol...how pathetic. What you guys think? Lets just try if you come into a situation...I think it would do good, and after a while it gets easier and easier..hopefully

What? You want us to defend ourselves??? Isn't that the exact reason why we struggle with conflict?

According to CBT pioneer David Burns (I have a copy of his book), if you do defend yourself in an argument,
And I kind of agree with him. To argue is to show how (insert negative word here) you are to the other person.

I don't start something without some way to at least let other people know when I'm going to not do what I say/have planned. Presumably one calls into work to tell them you won't be there that day (or you end up fired) and I make sure I do the same with social or other events, I at least make sure I have enough in me to call and tell them I'm not coming or to tell them I "can't make it" in the first place. I don't let people think I'm going to do something I cannot and work hard not to sign up in the first place if I'm not willing to at least go through the fear of cancelling. I'd rather be afraid than thought/act irresponsible.

i go through the exact same thing... avoid any social situation, feel so socially inept, so afraid of conflict, extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism, very anxious if i Have to be in any social situation, constantly cancelling on events at the last minute, and as you said, every time i do it, it simply tears me up inside too..., and the worst is, despite being aware of it and so many years of effort to overcome it, i just feel like i'm sinking into it deeper,getting more and more depressed, angry with myself, tired of failing at every attempt...

i'm apologise for just reporting the same issues here again, but i have not yet figured out what can help...
i just joined here, hope to find something, i will surely post here if and when i do...

you are not alone in this