[musikcrazy]

I fel like a disaster. My irritability and anger is out of control and I am coping by drinking and taking extra pills. I have an appt with my pdoc Tuesday since I am quickly running out of pills.
I also have PTSD and my counselor, who is an intern, thinks that I need to deal with issues from childhood abuse. He wants me to go see this lady that 'specializes' in childhood sexual abuse. It makes me feel like a big screw-up, even though I know he is only doing what he thinks is best for me. He even offered to go with me so that I am not so freaked out.
Counseling in general gives me a lot of anxiety because I just want all of this to go away. I am tired of fighting and fighting this!
I am on enough drugs to kill an army and why? So I can still be crazy? At my last pdoc visit he thought maybe my antidepressant had made me manic, so maybe I need to go off of it. I am almost afraid to tell him anything b/c I am so tired of medicine and changing doses, etc. Thanks for listening.

[madisgram]

hi mc, i've read some of your other posts. i'm glad you are asking these questions. it takes time to get the right meds and doses so do try to not get discouraged. i encourage you to discuss about your using your pills to self medicate with your pdoc. your therapist and pdoc need to know the truths about what's going on with you for you to be treated properly. mood swings, etc can be created by self medicating and give false results also. so be up front with them so they can truly help you.
just me, but i think they need to get your meds somewhat right and you not self medicating before you go digging into stuff frojm the past. this is just my opinion however. you are still fragile as heck. give yourself the best shot you can by opening up to your pdoc and t.
hope you will let us know how your doc visit goes and please keep us posted. we care about you.

[Amazonmom]

I always have been told that it is almost impossible to process trauma correctly in the middle of a mood episode. The meds have to help you into a balanced state before you can deal with the trauma.

I know it's so hard...you just want the pain to go away. Be a thorn in the side of the pdoc until they find the meds that work for you. If the pdoc thinks a med is making you manic...they need to get you off of it, not let it go another month! Being completely honest about what you have been doing is essential. I had to admit to my NP that I had been using Percoset to deal with the Lamictal headaches...even though I knew it would send me hypomanic. That was really hard. I couldn't even hide it because both she and I KNOW when I am in that state before I even open my mouth. It's tempting to just take more Percoset or pop some Zoloft to switch out of this nasty depression. Just wanted to let you know that I will never judge you for self medicating...as I have done it myself...

I have been thinking about you...keep us updated. You can do it, you can do it.

[mrs.erica]

I am right there with you on not wanting to tell them about the meds!! I am so tired of changing over and over again, and nothing being the right thing. I have tried some things that literally made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin, and now I am starting to feel afraid to try other meds.
Hang in there....we will figure it all out eventually!!
Atleast Im sure praying for that anyways!