[heartbroken]

How do you get through to someone you believe is bipolar and refuses to talk about or even ackowledged that it could be the problem with your marriage? What has worked for people? Time spent away? Divorce? Am I beating a dead horse?

I am so frustrated and dont know what else to do....I am separated from my H, but I am still trying to reach out as much as I can w/out it really affecting me. I know I am not responsible for this disease but I want him to know that I care and that I dont want to be out of his life b/c of this but I dont think I have a choice. Ahhhhhh....I wonder deep down if he knows how much this is hurting b/c he certainly isnt acting like it is affecting him in anyway except the fact that he seems like the everything is so negative. He denies saying things to me, denies that they ever came out of his mouth. And that hurts, he blames me for all of this. That I need to get over this and take responsibility, I only take responsibility for not getting to information sooner b/c maybe things would have been different. But they arent and this is life....sorry....just venting......

im not married, never have been, so maybe im not the one to answer your post, but i just wanted to say somethng.
for me, having bipolar is a very personal and private thing. i dont want anyone to know about it and i especially dont want people to talk to me about it in real life.
i have one friend who knows, simply cuz he is very observant. he once mentioned something like, blaming the way i was acting toward him on bipolar... i was super pissed! its just a very sensitive and personal issue. especially if there is denial and defensiveness.
even though i have a wall of steel guarding my insecurities, sometimes a comment gets through and stabs me.
i dont know if that makes any sense in your situation...

[heartbroken]

It definitely makes a lot of sense. I guess for me, I love this man and I think he is worth being around and caring about and I want him to not be alone through this. I want him to know that no matter what "it" does to us or him, that I will always be there to support him. But "it" is tearing me down and I dont know what else to do b/c he's pushing me away. I grew up as a child w/ not very many friends and I was alone alot, doing things by myself and I know what it feels like to not have someone there by my side as my rock. I want different for him and I only hope that I will be able to reach him someday, somehow, no matter what happens to our marriage. He's worth fighting for.

just hope you take the time to consider what is best for YOU first.

P.S. ever considered joining a bipolar support group? (in real life)... they have some secifically for people who have loved ones/family with bipolar disorder.

[h0kie]

Good idea CCL. NAMI has a great class called Family to Family. Every person with a loved one with a mental illness should take it...well that's what they told me... lol

Check NAMI online to see if there is a chapter near you and when the soonest class starts.

[sqrlb8]

Oh, HB, I'm sorry for your predicament. I wish I had something more encouraging to tell you. The advice above, is all good, and I can't come up with more than that. CCL put it very well what it feels like to be called on it, so to speak, and I wouldn't be holding my breath waiting for results on that front.

There seem to be as many flavors of BP as there are of ice cream. You might think of undx'd bp as chocolate and dx'd as vanilla, as a starting point, just to see it two ways. Undx'd has denial to penetrate in addition to the waves of horror and disappointment that are sure to follow initially. Dx'd, at least is unburdened by some of that.

But either way, you could be out of luck as far as ever being able to successfully be in relationship with this guy. In my pre dx relationships and marriages, one of my recurring horrors was waking up one day as if in the middle of someone else's life. Who chose this job? Who's wife is this? Why do I live here? Who made all these appointments? I knew it was all me, but could feel so dramatically different, so suddenly, rational "discussion" much less resolution was impossible. The shame burden is indescribable.

I don't have advice here, just sympathy, for both of you. I guess, hope for the best and prepare for the worst, as trite as it sounds is the best I can offer. And it sounds like that's where you're at.

[January]

HB,

Does your husband have a t or is he taking any positive actions to help himself?

If he is going to a t, perhaps you could go to him by yourself to find ways to cope with your husband. Networking is also a great way to understand what is happening.

Most of all, I urge you to take care of yourself. Only you know your breaking point and you have to decide how much you can take. Be careful, be safe and take care of yourself.

My best to you,

January