[thinker22]

Hi everyone. I've not slept well since last Friday and last night was positively the least (3 hrs or less) and I still have as much energy as I did when I woke up at 6am on Wednesday morning. So you can do the math as to how many hours in the past 36 I've been awake. I got between 4.5 and 6 from Fri-Wed, then last night just the 3 but I feel like I'm on top of the world and can tackle any project. I played Spore (computer game) from 9:30 to 3:30am last night and nearly beat the final stage. I finally got in bed around 4:45 this morning then was up at 7:45. WTF is going on? I haven't felt this way in 15 months (May '08 was when in 3 weeks I finished my first novel and started writing a new one).

All I can say is compared to the depression this rocks! But I know that I'll eventually pay for it when my sleep reserves are gone. I want to dance, sing, write, have so many ideas. Plus I'm driving for about 5 hours tomorrow and I kind of hope I don't crash until after I'm back. The cat loved that I was petting her every hour until like 3am. She's such an attention w****.

Any advice about what to do for sleep in the absence of a p-doc or nurse? Night before last I took a Benadryl and got 6 or so hrs, but I know I can't use it every night. Cough syrups make me hallucinate so they're out of the question. How about Ambien? Is that just another antihistamine? (My brain is asking things a mile a minute and my fingers are trying to catch up).

everyone!!

[Berries]

Just reading that made me feel a jolt of mania

Glad you are not depressed anymore.
Good for you for trying to get some sleep.
Benedryl works best.
I've tried tylenol PM and it didn't do squat.

[thinker22]

That's funny because both Tylenol PM and Advil PM have the same active ingredient for sleep as Benadryl; it's called diphenhydramine. Maybe they just don't have as much? But they do have the pain relief too. I think each tab of the PMs has 25mg and that's the same as a Benadryl, but maybe they're not as potent (bonded different to the other chemicals) or you're taking 2 or more Benadryls? But like any medication, everyone reacts differently.

Yep, I am pretty bouncy myself. I feel like that 80s game show..."No whammys, no whammys, stop!" But my whammys are the crash and depression after this is over. This is way too good to be true.

[Berries]

All i can think of to say is--Enjoy it while you can and we will be here when you crashland.

[Amazonmom]

Oh, doesn't it feel good?

Let's just stay hypomanic as long as we can!!!!

I hope the crash is a nice soft landing.

[Lauru]

I am glad you feel better! I hope the landing is smooth. Just watch it, if it starts to get angry and irritable and no fun then tell somebody. Sending you happy hypomania thoughts!

[amaviena]

Hypomania/mania leads to depression EVERY time. You may cycle through mania and baseline for a while, but please remember how dangerous this is! Maybe I'm talking crazy from the hospital jargon I got sped through, but from what I understand, the absence of mania is safe mania. I care about you so much!

[Zen888]

Thinker, I would say this is an emergency situation for you. You don't need to be told this but this is a unhealthy state of mind to be in. Please seek medical attention or call a crisis hotline.

[thinker22]

I'm fine everyone. Still going a mile a minute, still happy and enjoying everything, even with a burned hand. I'm going to be driving tomorrow for around 5-6 hours, so I'll take a Benadryl in a bit to be sure I get some sleep.

You guys are super kind and supportive and I'll try to stay in touch somehow even tomorrow. I may text someone or log on through my iPhone. Yay, yay, yippee, yippee.

I've never been to the hospital for mania, only an eval for extreme exhaustion and anxiety/depression (with suicidal thoughts). No where near that right now. I feel like swinging around a giant candy cane in the gumdrop forest. My brain is finding things like Charlie the Unicorn on youtube ****ing hysterical.

Candy mountain Charlie, candy mountain! It's a place of sweets and joy and sweets...What? I'm right here! Is anyone else gettin' splinters in their hooves?

YOU ARE THE BANANA KING.

I contacted everyone I could to let them know where I was in terms of mood, but most are on vacation. Woohoo, keep the party rollin'

[Pughead]

Hope it lasts! It's great that you're out of the funk. Mine is still rolling along it seems. No sleep. Still energetic. I don't really play video games anymore but doing plenty of other stuff that keeps me riled up. Don't tell my pdoc!

Oh and yes we know there is an eventual crash. But, because we are aware of that, it should help soften the blow. So then maybe it won't be a "crash" but more of a "slow-down and stop". At least that's what I'm hoping for!
But for now screw it! Keep enjoying it while you can!

[thinker22]

You betchya. I'm out the door in a few.

[thinker22]

The counter is getting kind of dumb because even people who get 8 hours a night, after a week it would sound like they were awake an inordinate amount of time. Suffice it to say, I'm getting about half the sleep that is normal. Avg out 3-6 hrs. per night for a week. I feel mellow, true, but I'm yawning and think I'll go to bed. Intrusive thoughts have started creeping back in along with fears and the depression chemicals. I'm not in a depressed state yet, so I'll watch it and see how I feel in the morning.

Happy dreams everyone.

[Berries]

(((((thinker22)))))

How are you this morning, thinker?

[amaviena]

<<<<thinker>>> bent hugs. BOOMARANG HUGS. I feel like today....maybe a bit of hypomania isn't so bad. you just have to be careful. I miss you.

[thinker22]

Hi guys. I've not gone anywhere. In fact, I got in bed at 10:30 last night, took a while to fall asleep, then got up wide awake at 11 feeling like I had a full night of sleep. Forced myself back to sleep, last looking at the clock at 11:45. Woke up at 3:20am, got out of bed, and have been awake ever since. I think somewhere else I got my times wrong because I woke my partner up when I got up. He said he was up at 3:25 and so I couldn't have woken up at 3:30 or 3:45. Life is beautiful still and I'm accomplishing a lot. Bummed that I might have to take something that will send me into a long nap when I talk to the p-nurse at noon...that's purse for you amazon.

Thanks Berries and Ama. I love you guys. And I love Lauru and Amazon and NuckingFutz and pughead and all the other cool and kind people I've met on here. Feels like an Oscar speech. Don't want to leave anyone out, but I won't say, "You know who you are."

[BNLsMOM]

Just make sure you are safe, OK? Tell your P-nurse everything. I remember you were way down just about a week ago, and I don't want to ruin your fun, but I want you to be safe. From what I read, it is on the way up or down that we are in the most danger.

Be safe, and keep checking in...

[thinker22]

Thanks BNLsMom. I didn't mean to leave you out of my list at all. My brain is just scattered and frenetic, but to you.

I'll be honest with the p-nurse. I know this can't last forever, but I've survived the worst depression over and over again in my life so I figure I'll make it through the next one okay. I can't afford to go to the hospital so I'll be good I promise.

Frolicking onward as ... super chick!

[Lauru]

So glad you have a reprieve from the depression. I know mania isn't good for us, but damn after a depression we need a pick me up! Just be careful and keep an eye on the mania. Be honest with the pnurse. ok? Sending you best wishes!

[VickiesPath]

Thinker,
Hypomania and/or mania are ok and fun, as long as you don't do things that end up harming you or others. If that's the case, then enjoy! However, as pointed out earlier, they are always followed by a let-down, and that can (not always, but most of the time) be followed by depression. Are you on meds?

Also: Every over the counter sleep agent, with the exception of straight Melatonin, have the same sleep-inducing ingredient: antihistamine. There are many different names and many different kinds but they are all essentially the same and will lose their effectiveness if you use them on consecutive nights for a long period. Eventually, they will have the opposite effect and wake you up more. The ingredient you named is an antihistamine. Ambien or Ambien CR is a prescription sleep agent that has a unique ingredient that is not like those OTC products, must be prescribed by a doctor, and can be addictive. It is not an opiate, but does have addictive characteristics.

I, too, am concerned about you. I recognize where you are and I did what you are doing for 20 years and would inevitably have a bad crash that required hospitalization. Not all of them did but some did. Please be careful, we don't want anything happening to you.

[thinker22]

Hi everyone. I'm still fine. Still awake. Just out trying to get a headset for my phone but couldn't find the one I wanted.

So here's what happened at the appt, which took almost 2 hours!

She started off the session to ask me if I'd been drinking before I showed up. I made a face like WTF are you talking about? And she said she smelled alcohol on me. Hahaha...it was my hand sanitizer. I always use it after I touch door handles upon entering or exiting a place. What an awful foot to start off on...and it ended in a similar manner.

So after all the yammering about my history, the bipolar diagnosis, all of what has and hasn't helped me in the past for sleep she says because Trazadone made me faint (SP?), that class of meds was out. Because melatonin and natural supplements have no effect on me they were out. Because I already use benadryl occasionally and it's effectiveness wears off over time antihistamines are not a real solution. So all that's left are the benzos like xanax, ativan, etc. But she refuses to prescribe me one unless I promise to stop drinking altogether while I'm using them.

I might have believed her if my former P-nurse hadn't already prescribed me Lorazepam for anxiety and insomnia last fall. Sure it's for short term use and I came off of it after a couple of months, but she never said anything about curbing my drinking and she knew I had 0-1 per night. I felt pretty judged by the new nurse. She thought I was a raging alcoholic even though I laughed off her suggestion that I'd drank before arriving. Dude, I never drink before 4pm (maybe once or twice in my life, but always on a Sunday and always after noon!) and I'm typically done with my slowly sipped beverage by 8pm.

I intend to come off of alcohol on a regular basis anyway when my mood is more stable, but stuff like this...

Eh, I can handle the lack of sleep. I know my half a beer wouldn't affect anything, but I'm not willing to lie just to get a prescription. Besides, I still have leftover lorazepams. Bad me, but I'll not take even half of one without first discussing it with a professional.

She gives me other bad news that lamictal can cause liver damage so I need liver tests every 4-6 months. Graayyte, just what I need. Why didn't the old P-nurse tell me that? And yet, new one says it's exactly what a nutjob like me should be on...okay, she didn't say nutjob, but I could tell she was thinking that. She says that once it starts working I won't even need a sleep aid since my rhythm will balance out or something. I said, "What if it doesn't?" She said, then you need to go on another anti-epileptic drug and/or possibly Lithium. I said, doesn't that make you just sit in a chair and stare at a wall all day? She said, Why would your doctor want to do that to you? I said, you'd be surprised. They think they've succeeded if you still have a pulse. Enjoyment of life is pretty optional so long as you're not dead. She laughed about that one.

So here I am again with no options until Lamictal starts to work or not. Hoping this energy will keep on lasting, but I have a feeling it's all adrenaline and will run out.

I'll stay in touch. Does anyone else notice that when they've been awake for long periods of time for days that it's hard to regulate your body temp? I have. I always feel freezing cold in bed or too hot outside. Mainly I'm just cold. I have goosebumps right now and it's 80 degrees here. It's strange. Well, I'm having my addiction now, apparently, which is part of a beer with some pretzels. And we're having big salads with all the toppings for dinner. Yay. Perhaps I'll have some wine also since I'm not on benzos, why not enjoy?

I'm definitely getting spacier and seeing things that aren't there and my heart is racing when I think I see something like a little animal in the road, but it turns out to be paper or a leaf in the wind. I just gaze and don't even know what I'm thinking about any more. This is weird. Punchy and mellow at the same time. I don't use illegal drugs, but I imagine this is what it feels like to smoke...uh something that's not tobacco. I was getting my mate to laugh and I was laughing too while we were out today. There was a homeless guy about to cross the road and he was rushing through a yellow light and said, "hey man, don't step out yet," or something like that (windows rolled up) and after we passed I said, "You see that? He had a peg leg. You almost ran over a pirate and the ghost of his parrot would haunt you forever." Then I did a parrot voice all menacing, "rawk, you'll pay for what you did to the captain!" Weird **** like that. Way too punchy. We laughed so hard about that. Even came up with a short story about a homie who runs over just such a guy and the parrot comes to him in his bedroom and says, "you said to climb it, so here I am, rawk!"...and he tells his friends and they say, "hey essay, they got meds for that kinda ****. My cousin could hook you up with some xanax." :P

Peace out, yo

[Amazonmom]

When I was working night shift I would be freezing and sick to my stomach from lack of sleep a lot. Your MIND may be in mania land, but your body is screaming for rest.

Are you sure you aren't seeing my Pnurse? She also said the sleep issue would resolve if the hypomania resolved. I had been whining for 10 minutes on her couch in a lovely state of hypomania at the time. I also knew my body couldn't take much more. Increases of my Lithium and Lamictal fixed my sleep. Of course then I had the Lamictal reaction from HELL and I am stuck in Lithium land for the time being.

Really the Lithium by itself has been the best overall for me. Lamictal made me dumb as a rock. My other choice is Abilify...but if I'm not psychotic I don't want to take antipsychotics. Those drugs really turn you into a dumb rock in my opinion.

[thinker22]

Seroquel turned me into a dumb, unstable rock. But so much for it. Yeah, the cold and stomach aches make insomnia not so pleasant. That and my eyes are getting red. I took a Benadryl at 9:45 and hope it will kick in soon.

Almost had a full blown panic attack while making dinner and I'm not sure why. I'm getting more and more afraid of the knife in the kitchen because my invasive thoughts involve it, but I'm afraid of blood so HTF could it happen?

Also, Vickie, since coming off the above, I'm only on Wellbutrin 150 in the am and Lamictal 100 in the pm (but I started it July 5th and am supposed to eventually get up to 200). No adverse effects that I can tell so far. It seems to me like a placebo. My moods still swing this way and that. Depressed and hypomanic (or whatever this is called), angry, enraged, irritable, then sleeping all the time. So who knows if double this will do anything. All I know is Seroquel nearly killed me with extreme depression and I feel so much better although I'd like to sleep now.

I'm going to try my best to lay in bed even if and when I'm awakened tonight.

[amaviena]

wow.

stick to lithium then.

I'll stick to my lithium and geodon and be psychotic or something instead of feeling healthy.

I think antipsychotics inherited the stigma lithium, thorazine used to have.

[Amazonmom]

I didn't explain that those are my personal feelings. I witnessed many people being given those drugs until they didn't know who they were anymore. I do not judge anyone who takes them.

Being powerless to stop patients from being loaded with those drugs until they literally didn't move anymore has colored my attitude.

I'm sorry.

Originally Posted by amaviena

wow.

stick to lithium then.

I'll stick to my lithium and geodon and be psychotic or something instead of feeling healthy.

I think antipsychotics inherited the stigma lithium, thorazine used to have.

[amaviena]

No, I agree with you that we have to be OUR OWN BEST ADVOCATE for our healthcare, but not to the point of refusing to take a medication due to its dated classification that works on multiple symptoms of a condition. I don't take an antipsychotic for my psychoses. I take it for dysphoric euphoria. Mixed moods. These people that work in the MH field have not done enough to protect us. When something is wrong they want to max out a dose and add more and more and max them out instead of research WHY the drug isn't working. I'm going into Psychiatry and then writing some books about it once I get s'more smarts and maybe we can shake this bad rap we have.