[FeelingHopeful]

Hey Everyone, Love you Guys on Here! Had A Question For Everyone who either Suffers From Bipolar Or Has A Friend Or Family Member That Has This Illness, If The Person Who Suffers From It Pushes You Away, Be it A Friend, Significant Other Or Family Member, Do They Ever Come Back? I Understand Why They may push someone close away, Just Wandering If They Ever Come Back, Im so sad These Days.Any Inside Stories would be wonderful to hear.

Oh yeah, I'd say so anyway. I'm very people-avoidant when I'm depressed, that's for sure. Sometimes it's intentional -- I know I'm excruitiating to be around and don't really feel like it anyway. Sometimes I'm just so out of it, buried in my own head that I'm not even doing it consciously. So it can be either intentional or unintentional.

When hypomanic, I can get *very* sociable, a flippin' laugh a minute and will talk anyone's ear off, even people I don't like(!) but not always. Somtimes I am very wired and am just too self-conscious of my, well, it's almost like vibrating(!) and get hinky about being around people then (I didn't go out last night for this very reason). Or if I'm up but super irritable, I try to self-quarantine for everyone's sake--theirs and mine. But sometimes one must be out. If that's the combo, then I am one helluva snarky ***** and am very likely to say JUST what I'm thinking. And loudly. It's pretty bad. I'm like the little dog who doesn't even stop to think they couldn't take that big dog on, you know? And have. (If you saw me, you'd laugh, but I refer to that mode as my "inner wolverine".) It's a wonder I haven't gotten myself into a whole lot more trouble at those times.

BUT. There are also a lot of times when I'm pretty normal, or not hugely depressed or hypomanic in a bad way. Then I'll get back on track with people, just kind of picking up where we left off. Often as if nothing happened in between. Sometimes these are long stretches, it just depends what's happening mood-wise, combined with the usual challenges everyone has with coordinating schedules and timing.

If I had to explain why, I'd say I tend to insulate when I really really don't want to explain myself. It just makes me hugely uncomfortable. (It's also why I've always managed to make it into work, even when I'm feeling pretty useless -- I just don't want to have to explain myself, and the horror of the thought drags me in there.)

Hope that helps!

[FeelingHopeful]

Innerzone thank you! That was helpful. Its been hard because I know why they push people away. Its hard not being able to help someone you love.

[onlyme2]

in the past I have pushed people away too and I still do, I have found some people will come back time and time again to be there for me, some people will walk away forever. I'm told it's because they they feel bad cos they don't know what to do to help, and that makes me feel guilty and helpless too.

[BNLsMOM]

I push people away when I am depressed. Those who are really my friends or who really love me understand and they just wait until I feel better. I have lost a lot of friends with this behavior, however.

[lonegael]

Some times I do just out of exhaustion, or like others here, I am afraid I might really do something to hurt them. Then I know I have to take it cool. Right now I am going o try to start likning up again with some folks that I having really been avoiding, but I have simply been so brain dead from work that I have'nt been able to do anything social to save my life. Most of them know my trouble, so yeah, I can usually connect again. others it is more difficult, and the longer it talkes to reconnect, the worse I feel about having ducked out, then it's harder to get up the courage to connect. and so on... Hugs, if you are open, he will come back, though after a while you might want to signeal that you are still there.

[FeelingHopeful]

I Am Open With Him, Right Now He Sorta Has A new Life With Newfriends But I always Email And Check in every few wks to make sure he is ok and let him know Im here for him.Is That Ok to do? Hes Important to me and I want him to know , Im gonna be his friend for life, he wont lose me as a friend, Not Leaving ever, I also just wait. Am I Being A Good Friend? I hope I am , by giving him space and letting him take time.

Sounds perfect, FeelingSad!

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanks Innerzone , and lonegal, onlyme 2 and BNls Mom, It makes me feel a bit better to know Im doing the right thing. I just miss him so much and it hurts so bad sometimes. I really Wish I could see him now. Get Back our closeness. I MISS HIM TONZ!!

[lonegael]

I echo Innerzone. Perfect. It sounds like you are doing the right stuff. courage and hugs, dear.

[FeelingHopeful]

Originally Posted by lonegael

I echo Innerzone. Perfect. It sounds like you are doing the right stuff. courage and hugs, dear.

Aww Hugs to you too! Today he is on my mind alot.

[lonegael]

How are you doing today?

[FeelingHopeful]

Been watching movies today to keep my mind off stuff. I want to call him badly. He started a new job that im so proud of him , and I know hes getting prepared with that. Maybe A Text i can send? Dont want to burden him. I miss him.

[lonegael]

I text sounds good. That way he can read it at his leisure. Good thought Huggs!

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by FeelingSad

Hey Everyone, Love you Guys on Here! Had A Question For Everyone who either Suffers From Bipolar Or Has A Friend Or Family Member That Has This Illness, If The Person Who Suffers From It Pushes You Away, Be it A Friend, Significant Other Or Family Member, Do They Ever Come Back? I Understand Why They may push someone close away, Just Wandering If They Ever Come Back, Im so sad These Days.Any Inside Stories would be wonderful to hear.

I tend to always push people away when I'm depressed. I have a habit of doing that a lot actually. I would like to think that if they're a good friend, then they will give you the space/time you need and eventually come back (if they know you suffer from an illness). But it's a two-way street as well. I tend to feel bad pushing people away. Half the time, I don't expect them to come back.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you lonegal! Im going to try that. Thanks. Its been tough but having great people to talk to like you on here helps me a great deal.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you beautifully mistaken. Your post really helped and made me think. MAde alot of sense . Thank you!!

[kacey321]

I have been one who was pushed away back and forth and always there for my husband when he would come back either mentally or physically whether it would be hours,days etc.a suicide attempt that I would stay by his side to make sure it wasn't completed over something most would find not a reason to get so upset over.He finally just left me almost 4 years ago and found someone else last year moved her in to his home yet we are still married and neither of us has filed ( I am the one still madly in love with him he claims he isn't anymore)when I leave him alone a couple months I get a call over something like just wanted to ask about umm computer problem,or tell you about my sons news etc )by the way he walked out on me over an argument with my son nothing more ......

So I know stupid question but do they ever come back???????

[lonegael]

I don't know. Poor you, (((((((Kacey321)))))!!! 4 years is a really long time, but if he's not being treated, he might change his mind at any point, or even after he's married. what are you planning to do with your life in the meantime, hon? You sound like you're really hurting! Huggs, and take care.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I push people away when I am depressed. Those who are really my friends or who really love me understand and they just wait until I feel better. I have lost a lot of friends with this behavior, however.

I agree 100%. When I'm depressed 99% of the time I want to be left alone so I can clear my head and think for a little while. When/If I feel like I need someone to talk to then I will call them and hope they can provide some sort of support. I too have recently lost my closest friend of 8 years due partly to this behavior. But like you mentioned, a real friend or loved/cared about me would understand. In the end, I have come to realize it wasn't worth it.

But to answer the original question, I can say that 90% of the time they WILL come back. They just need some time to think about everything that had happened or that's going on around them. The person who is having issues might always push people away to avoid a yelling match or might be fearful of saying something they really don't mean but said it out of anger/frustration.

[romanjames2004]

I feel that it depends on the relationship that you have with that person. i push people away all the time. Usually it is my family. but if I truly love them, I end up just getting together with them again lol. It just depends on the person, with me I can nopt talk to someone fordays to weeks to months.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Roman, I agree with you. There's some people I push(ed) away and some I don't. It really seems to be the people I was closest to that I pushed away.

I can go a long time as well, without talking to someone. My best friend and I haven't spoke in 16 days (I'll stop counting eventually). Though in this case, I don't think I technically pushed her away....She simply walked out of my life. She assumed I'd call her and want to straighten things out---Needless to say, she is waiting for a call that won't be coming.

[FeelingHopeful]

Beautifully Mistaken, Do you think You would ever call your friend?

[Navygrrl]

My pushing people away was one of the reasons (out of many, which I have to remind myself of constantly or I feel way more guilt than I should) my first marriage went down the tubes. My pushing people away with my current marriage is the main reason why I finally sought help and got diagnosed. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but even when I was trying to get him to go away, I knew that he loved me, and I always feel safe with him. I knew that I could push, and I knew that he wouldn't leave.

With my friends, it's a little different. I don't have that many close friends. The ones that have stuck around are the ones who wouldn't go very far when I pushed them away. They would give me my space, but they would still let me know they cared. I think you are doing the right thing by giving him his space and yet still checking in with him to see how he's doing.

I hope things work out for you.

[FeelingHopeful]

NavyGirl, Having A Emotional Day and You dont know how much I needed that, Thank You!! Hugs!!