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Hi All,
Well, I was recently diagnosed with BPII and I am having a hard time dealing with this illness. I am so frustrated with the ups and downs. I still am not sure that the diagnosis is correct, but it all seems to make sense. I experienced a terrible hypomanic episode over the summer during which I did horrible things that were totally out of character, including sexual escapades (and I am married). I was very hypersexual and consumed with drinking, partying and sex. I could care less who I was hurting and felt no guilt at all, I actually felt happier than I had ever been in my entire life. I felt invincible, beautiful & soooo happy. Anyway that all lasted about 2 to 3 months and then I crashed hard and experienced more guilt & depression than I ever have in my life, it was unbearable and caused me to seek the treatment of a therapist. When I crashed I experienced racing thoughts, sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, paranoia...it was terrible. I have been in a low level depression since with good and bad days. I have been reluctant to take any medication and I am just doing weekly therapy now. When I have a bad day I think about taking medication, but when I have a good day, I don't think that I need it. I am considering seeing a psychiatrist to talk about medication. If anyone has advice I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Hi. And welcome to the forum.
Now for the advice you're asking for.
It would be wise to see a psych and really do more than just talk about medication. Now it won't be easy. Because everyone's chemestry is different. You may end up having to take 2 or 3 meds. Plus finding the right mix of meds.
You need to face this, though. You are bipolar. You need meds. Or you may go into a manic mode and do things that will ruin your life or go into a depressed mode and become sucidial.
But a psychiatrist will know more than me. I am bipolar and have been there.
Good luck, dear, and keep us posted.

Thanks for the reply. The problem that I'm having is that up until 7 months ago I felt more or less normal...never had a manic episode ( although I was depressed on & off), so I am having a hard time figuring out if I just lost it, had an affair and that made me feel manic. Now I feel pretty ok, just depressed but I think that is from reflecting on all of the stupid things that I did and the thought that I could of lost my marriage. I have read everything that I could on BP, but I struggle to understand how to differentiate between someone that makes bad choices & what I did. The biggest problem for me is that I am in the medical field & I fear the that my license to practice will be affected if I see a psych & go on meds. I know that sounds stupid, but I have worked long and hard on my career and I don't want to jeapordize that. I'm just taking it day by day.

I understand your concern for your career but isn't that discrimination? Couldn't you say discrimination if your license, etc. would be affected? If they would try to mess with me, that's the first thing I would do. Of course, you in a way work for yourself. But I still think you could go to the doc, etc. It's like any other illiness. At least that's the way it's supposed to be in the working world.

THere's nothing you can see a psychiatrist for or go on meds for that can jeopardize your license. The doc is not legally allowed to voluntarily report anything to the state licensing board. They are also not allowed to discriminate based on any medical or psychiatric illness you have if they did find out. For me, I had a nursing (RN) license in one state and was going to be moving to another state so I needed to apply for a license in that state. I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder after I had the original license but before I applied for the new license. When I applied in the new state you had to voluntarily disclose if you've ever been treated for bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or any other psychotic disorder. I of course had to reply yes but the only real difference is that I had to get a statement from my psychiatrist, therapist, show hospital discharge summaries, and I had to submit a letter myself. It took about a month longer to get approved as the application has to go through an additional hearing process where it's reviewed by a board of physicians and lawyers. In the end, even though I had been hospitalized twice, once with psychotic features, and my pdoc is dumb and barely wrote a statement, they said my statement and my therapists statement showed I am committed to treatment and there were no concerns raised from anyone that I couldn't safely practice nursing. It was a stressful time, waiting and feeling inadequate, but in the end everything worked out. When I spoke with the lawyer at the board of nursing she basically said all they look for is someone who is accountable and being responsible for their treatment (meaning complinat with treatment and meds). They frown on people who aren't compliant or who don't get help.

My advice to you is to worry more about how you feel than your license... without treatment things could get worse and then your license could be in jeopardy if you do something weird at work or what-not. I would encourage to talk to your therapist and see if he/she has recommendations on a psychiatrist he/she works with. I'm sure they would have a suggestion. Getting on meds that work is annoying. It's a really long process (2 years and counting for me) but throughout the process for the most part I have had more good times than I had in years. It's worth it in my opinion because you don't have to feel the depression all the time and you don't have to worry about as out of control hypomania/mania that you experienced. WHatever you decide I wish you the best. Welcome to Psychcentral... it's really a great place.

I am a nurse and I was petrified that my license would be pulled and I would lose the career I love and the ability to support my family. Even though I am bipolar II, I have never behaved in a manner that would endanger patients so there was no reason to report my condition to the Board in my state.

You are under no obligation to tell anyone at your work about your psych issues or any meds you are on. You may end up telling some people you trust, but largely that decision is up to you. What's kind of interesting is that I think about half of the people who work in my unit are on some sort of psych med! (maybe the NICU makes you crazy...or only crazies work in the NICU)

You may find that treating the possible bipolar (or whatever ends up to be your issue) makes it easier for you to help your patients. I know my job takes less of an emotional toll on me since I started treatment.

Good Luck, and Hugs

Thank you for all the info. I am already in the process of applying for my license to practice and my prescriptive license, so I am trying to wait it out another month or so. I just don't feel like dealing with the extra stress, plus I don't have an official diagnosis from a psych yet. This all came at a really bad time for me, so it just makes all my decisions much more difficult. As of now I feel pretty good, so I'm just going to wait until everything is officially done before I do anything. Plus I still don't want to take meds due to the fact that I know all the side effects.

Thanks, Gravyyy for steering him/her right. I just knew you could have a practice and be bipolar.

adventureseeker: As of now I feel pretty good, so I'm just going to wait until everything is officially done before I do anything. Plus I still don't want to take meds due to the fact that I know all the side effects.

Glad you're feeling well enough right now... whether you decided to see a doctor now or not your license will be approved before anything would come up. That being said, I totally respect the fact that you're committed to your profession. I suffered for 10 years before I ever felt like I was in the place in my life where I could get professional help. I was also sufficiently depressed at the time so the combination was enough to make me go to the doctor. Basically, you're smart enough to know something is wrong. As long as you feel safe there really isn't any harm in waiting to see a doctor but it's just longer you have to suffer.

As far as meds, again, I hear you about the side effects. I was hesitant for the longest time and told my doc up front which meds I absolutely would not try due to the side effect profile. Meds are worth it but it can take a while to find the right one or the right mix. Please, please hear me when I say you don't have to feel bad, you don't have to have the ups and downs. I just feel terrible when I hear people are going to wait to get help because I know I did that and it's not worth it. I got treatment for over a year before my family or my job knew anything was going on and the only reason anyone ever found out is because I told them voluntarily. Things don't always have to be this rough for you and I would encourage you to see a psychiatrist... therapy is great but it's not typically the total package for people with bipolar disorder. Be honest with the psychiatrist and tell him/her that you know about the meds and you're in a position where you're not going to be able to tolerate lots of side effects. In that case it's definitely possible to titrate very slowly to minimize the side effects. I am sensitive to medications and have had some side effects with meds, but they've always gone away after a few weeks and many meds like Lamictal, which is fantastic for a lot of people, had no side effects for me at all. That certainly doesn't mean you wont have side effects but it's possible. I'm really hoping you'll think on it for a while and decide that at the very least you'll go speak with a psychiatrist or two about this. No obligations with that obviously... you dont have to do what they say!!!! Again, I wish you the best. Take care.