[Sara_100]

Hi All,

I looked through some of the posts on this Forum, and i can relate a lot to many of them.

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar about 6 months ago, ofcourse I had symptoms for years. I am currently on Trileptal ( i took Lamictal but i got the rash, so had to go off).

I'm sure BP starts slowely with many people and then as time progresses it gets worse. Well, it's gotten pretty bad for me.
I think the worst thing for me right now is the promiscuity and frequent drinking ( many times both). I used to be able to control myself, at least when it came to the alcohol, as my mood swings were pretty much out of control as long as I can remember.

For the past year, i have been drinking very often, it seems that this is the only thing that really calms me down. But i hate it now, i really do... I don't go out for Happy Hours with friends anymore of fear that i will get so drunk, i will drive back and get into a accident. I just open bottles at home and drink alone... I feel sick the next day, i am less productive at work, i neglect friends and family and my dog... .

I have read that this type of behavior is common for people with Bipolar, but i am fearing now that this is more than just BP, that i actually became addicted to alcohol and promiscuity... Is there anyone with the same problem?
I don't know what to do anymore....

I wake up everyday saying i will stop, but i fail every single time

Thanks in advance for your replies!

[Slothrop]

Drinking + bipolar meds (or just drinking + bipolar) can certainly lead to all kinds of havoc...

Personally--this is just me--I would look at this as under-controlled bipolar instead of any kind of addiction. Get the bipolar in check and the other behaviors may just rein themselves in.

It can be kind of embarrassing, but be as open about this stuff with your psychiatrist as you can. It's always possible a little meds adjustment could make a big difference.

I don't know that bipolar has to get worse over time. Part of it, at least for me, is controlling what I can as quickly as I can. Originally, I waited too long to get real treatment, which has made it harder. Now I move quickly and get to the doc when symptoms are getting worse.

[Moose72]

I have found that when im really on edge and cant slow down ive turned to hard liquor. It works short ter
but then my liver levels were bad - no supposed to drink on lithium- so I quit. Some days i wish i had some ativan in that instance so i didnt habe to calm myself with alcohol.

[Ascension]

The one thing many people don't consider is, that many people with acute mental health issues also suffer from a degree of post traumatic stress disorder. To go through life so off balance can "shell shock" a person. You learn to be fearful of people, jobs, social situations because they have been so rocky. Not to mention you are completely trying to rewire the brain. It is daunting but can be done. Though I have moments where I struggle I have managed to really improve my quality of life. It takes a degree of awareness as to when you start cycling, what is causing the cycle and then making the most healthy decision you can about it. There are times when I say "Screw it I am going for the ride" still and I make stupid decisions and regret it after wards, but I am better and you can be too. It only took me 8 years to get here =/. Some have better success and sooner and some take longer. Being an emotional addict is like any other addiction, it requires daily maintenance.

[purplefaerydust]

i can relate to this but i went into full-blown addiction. im 5 months, 10 days sober and for once in my life my meds are straight. it is amazing how much better they work when im not drunk/high. i definately understand how it happens - need to slow down, want to get rid of anxiety, want to be in a situation where you feel "comfortable," want to sleep, don't want to feel depression (or completely hopeless in depression, so might as well drink)... ive been there. i also have had some serious bouts with promiscuity in the past. i didn't think id climb out of the perpetual darkness of my depressive crashes but it is good. i get really scared when it rears its head though - i cannot go back to the constant chaos. i think that these beahviors really reflect the chaos...

hang in there.

kc

[Sara_100]

Originally Posted by Ascension

The one thing many people don't consider is, that many people with acute mental health issues also suffer from a degree of post traumatic stress disorder. To go through life so off balance can "shell shock" a person. You learn to be fearful of people, jobs, social situations because they have been so rocky. Not to mention you are completely trying to rewire the brain. It is daunting but can be done. Though I have moments where I struggle I have managed to really improve my quality of life. It takes a degree of awareness as to when you start cycling, what is causing the cycle and then making the most healthy decision you can about it. There are times when I say "Screw it I am going for the ride" still and I make stupid decisions and regret it after wards, but I am better and you can be too. It only took me 8 years to get here =/. Some have better success and sooner and some take longer. Being an emotional addict is like any other addiction, it requires daily maintenance.

I think you brought up a great point, looking back at my life, it was more than complicated. But what did you do to cope with the past, put it behind and move on? I sometimes feel i did that, but deep down i don't think so. There are even things i did in my marriage that i have to carry on my shoulders, cause if i would ever admit to doing them, it would be over.
I would like to hear more about your journey...

Thanks!

[Ascension]

Sara, you don't have to carry the guilt. First of all you are on the right path. The very fact you are here is a huge step in the right direction. Not because any of us can fix you but you are probing. You are asking yourself the why and whats and without that there is no change. Most importantly shame and regret and self loathing are your worst enemies. I have learned not to be too hard on myself because if I am I become fatalistic. I start to think "No point in trying eff it I give up." and do things I shouldn't. Be patient with yourself. It's early on in the process. It is a constant struggle and always will be. Allow yourself to fall down and rest and then regroup. I won't say "Two steps forward one step back." because it's more like 112 steps forward and 231 steps back and then 13 steps forward and 89 back. Bipolar disorder is learning to keep your balance while doing that waltz on a high wire at times. Your gonna fall down.

Once I learned to forgive myself then I could start to move the next step with more confidence and that is accountability. We have to be able to say sorry and accept that we may have hurt someone else or done something we regret in hind sight (remember I said we are going to make mistakes). Saying sorry let's those we care about know that it's not personal but an inappropriate response to internal conflict. If I don't apologize then they don't know I couldn't help it and they will just think that I'm just mean spirited.

I hope I can o0ffer you what has worked for me.

[207annie7]

Originally Posted by Sara_100

Hi All,

I looked through some of the posts on this Forum, and i can relate a lot to many of them.

I have been diagnosed with Bipolar about 6 months ago, ofcourse I had symptoms for years. I am currently on Trileptal ( i took Lamictal but i got the rash, so had to go off).

I'm sure BP starts slowely with many people and then as time progresses it gets worse. Well, it's gotten pretty bad for me.
I think the worst thing for me right now is the promiscuity and frequent drinking ( many times both). I used to be able to control myself, at least when it came to the alcohol, as my mood swings were pretty much out of control as long as I can remember.

For the past year, i have been drinking very often, it seems that this is the only thing that really calms me down. But i hate it now, i really do... I don't go out for Happy Hours with friends anymore of fear that i will get so drunk, i will drive back and get into a accident. I just open bottles at home and drink alone... I feel sick the next day, i am less productive at work, i neglect friends and family and my dog... .

I have read that this type of behavior is common for people with Bipolar, but i am fearing now that this is more than just BP, that i actually became addicted to alcohol and promiscuity... Is there anyone with the same problem?
I don't know what to do anymore....

I wake up everyday saying i will stop, but i fail every single time

Thanks in advance for your replies!

I can relate. My alcohol and sex with alot of different men has gotten me in alot of troubleover the years. My ex put up with it much longer than most would. We divorced almost a year ago and I'll never forgive myself. Not a lot of people talk about hypersexuality and bp but it's a big part of it. Hopefully with therapy and meds things will work out for you.

[DancingAlone]

Dear Sarah,
I just turned 63 and, looking back over my life, I see a person who tried so hard to control her behavior but failed many, many times. I wasn't diagnosed with BP until I was 48 so you can imagine the cracks I fell through.

I am an alcoholic, I have a gambling addiction, and I was a sexaholic, PLUS BP. I have something you don't, which should make you proud...I was in denial. Please know you are taking giant steps by just even admitting there's a problem! When I finally got to AA, I was willing myself to die. I couldn't take any more of this life. But amazingly, at the same time I got dx'd with BP! The two things totally changed my life.

Please don't ever give up Sarah. I even stopped being promiscuous too! I realized I might really get a serious illness from my behavior. But it took a while. The drinking took a while too. But you seem willing to admit to your behavior now which is an incredible plus.

There's so much more I could say but just will say I really, really understand what you are going through, and know that it will get better. Apply yourself, get to AA if you are ready, and talk with your pdoc about meds. Also, be kind to yourself. I wish you well.