Oh, that's why.

I was sitting here, not feeling great, wondering why people don't respond much to the threads I start. Then I realized I only post things that don't need a response like the DSM-V info. I mostly post about information, not feelings. So, here I am, posting about feelings. The last day or so I have felt a sense of restlessness although I just sit in front of the tv with my laptop. The restlessness is increasing. I realized this morning that I had missed my meds yesterday (that doesn't happen very often). So, is that what is happening? I have spent hours this evening surfing about suicide -- although I am NOT suicidal at this time but have had some poor me thoughts like why don't I have a medical illness, I wish I could go to the hospital, etc... I keep feeling like calling my psychologist and leaving a message but that won't make me feel better because she won't even get it until Monday... and what is there to say to me? Strange because I am not all that depressed. I have ECT on Wednesday so I know it will get better I just don't like where I am right now. Down, draggy, restless, not wanting to do anything, apathetic. I guess I just feel needy but don't want to admit it to anyone. I wish I could stay stable more than a few weeks at a time.

It sounds reasonable that you're feelings are probably because you skipped your meds. Do you have one of those pill boxes. I have to take thyroid meds everyday and I still sometimes forget - so much for practicing what I preach lol. I think it's good to recognize when you're feeling needy - nothing wrong with that. We all need comfort once in a while - right? I like your avatar - cool. I just wanted you to know I read your post and I hope you feel better soon.

annieinside, I am sorry that I haven't responded to threads you've started. I try to make an effort to make sure I never leave a thread unanswered (that's an awful feeling!), so I am sorry to have neglected that. I find that you always have very insightful things to say and I enjoy reading the responses you post to other people's threads...

Anyway, I am sorry you are feeling restless. That's usually how my mania starts out, do you think you are headed that direction? Do you have any things you do to try to help keep yourself leveled out? I am terrible for any advice because I'm not doing so great myself, but I did want you to know I am listening and will continue to listen to anything you want to talk about.

I hope things get better for you.

((((((Anneinside))))))

I hope you are feeling better soon.

I know the restless feeling Annie... and I do the same thing as far as sitting in front of the TV with my laptop. Interestingly enough I don't watch the TV and I don't use the laptop really, I just click every now again on random things. It's like with all of the internet, I can't find anything to do! It's just that I physically and mentally feel like I'm all over the place and losing it. The times when I've been able to, exercise has helped, even if it was a light stretching exercise with some deep breathing. Other times (rare b/c I never have energy) getting on a stationary bike or treadmill was helpful. I understand how difficult exercise can be at these times. It's like telling someone with no legs to run a mile. It's just basically an impossibility. Thats why I suggestd just getting up and doing some light stretches... break yourself out of your routine of sitting and mulling things over and becoming increasingly restless and agitated. Sometimes just breaking the routine can provide even a little relief. And yes, I think that even missing 1 day of meds can contribute to that feeling for you. I know it does for me. Take care and hopefully your ECT goes well this week.

Good luck late this week. I am guilty of not answering, although i have always enjoyed your replies and posts. Like many, I don't relply if I have nothing to say, or if someone else has already said what I was thinking in a better way. The restlessness can drive me nuts, and it is usually when i miss mds or am getting manicky/mixed. Sometimes it is almost as if the disease continues it's cycles but the medications keep me from being aware of all the components, and I only pick up neededing more sleep, or feeling jittery. Hang in there and i hope that you feel better soon. Huggs

Anneinside, I have many of the same feelings you have about wanting to go to the hospital, etc. I hope you are feeling better soon. I enjoy reading your posts. I'll try to be better about responding.

Hey Anne, sounds like you have that symtom where you are not interested even in the things that usually interest you. The trick is to do them anyway. Once you do that, sometimes the interest kicks in. I hope your meds level out soon and the ECT helps your stable time increase.

I do the same thing! I watch tv programs I care nothing about, read things that don't interest me, and obsessively circle back and forth from one site to another, which I think adds to the frustration and restlessness.

Do you have any interest in writing or art of some kind. I sometimes manage to redirect my attention to one of those "outlets" even if it's just to "scribble" or write a poem that ends up looking like,

the flat back sack

I am feeling better now
even though my honesty, predictably falls flat
not pounding sounds more interesting into your brain
but whack

Oh yeah, that's an original. =)

Missing meds of any kind will certainly make you feel "off", and missed psychiatric meds will make you feel a whole lot more than that sometimes.

I think those of us who think about suicide at times when we aren't suicidal, are just fantasizing about an escape from having to deal with whatever it is we're feeling at the moment.

If you're up for something to watch that might help shake you into a new state of mind, try watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. You can stream episodes for free on ABC.com. I find that show to be just what I need sometimes. But then other times, a really mindless comedy, some stand up or a reality show does the trick.

The other day I spent hours looking up information on UFO's and cryptozoology online. That was interesting. =)

Thanks for all your replies. I hope I wasn't too whiny. Today is a bit better. I went to Avatar 3D with a friend so that kept me busy. I am not as restless but still feel a bit down. Looking forward to ECT ... strange thing to look forward to!