[BNLsMOM]

I have been having tightness in my chest every night for the couple of hours between taking my Lithium and before bed. When I take a deep breath it feels tight and I begin to cough. I don't have Asthma. This is brand new. It just occurred to me to check the side effects of Lithium and lo and behold an allergic reaction is tightness in the chest. Great. Another med I'll probably be yanked off of.

Growl.

[perpetuallysad]

Well that freaking sucks. I'm like you with being sensitive to everything I take. Its a very frustrating experience because some of the medicines that actually helped with my bipolar symptoms made me sick in other ways! Not fair!!!

[BNLsMOM]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

Well that freaking sucks. I'm like you with being sensitive to everything I take. Its a very frustrating experience because some of the medicines that actually helped with my bipolar symptoms made me sick in other ways! Not fair!!!

I can't get up to high enough doses to get long term relief. I am only taking 300mg of Lithium. I just read another account of allergic reactions and itching in the throat is one. My throat has been so itchy that I have to constantly have a cough drop or a piece of candy in my mouth. Nothing relieves it. It even keeps me awake at night. Unbelievable.

I should just go to bed. It is too late.

[perpetuallysad]

I hate the chest tightening feeling. Thankfully, I've never had it as part of an allergic reaction, but I have it happen all the time when I have panic attacks. It is absolutely horrible!

I wish there was an easier way to get relief.

[BNLsMOM]

I have an appointment with my p-doc tonight and I am nervous about discussing this with her. I am worried about having to go on another med and going through the side effects of starting another med. She also wants to put me on Depakote if Lithium doesn sit well with me which I am afraid of because even she said that it would be likely that I would gain a lot of weight and lose some hair. That would throw me into a depression. Not that I am vain, but that would really bother me.

I am about ready to stop all meds and deal with my moods. I did it, undiagnosed, for 15 years and it wasn't until I went on meds last year that I ended up in the hospital twice. I am sick of it, to be honest.

[perpetuallysad]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have had the same exact thoughts lately. Its like, why bother? I cannot seem to find neither an antipsychotic nor mood stabilizer that doesn't have such bad side effects that I cannot tolerate them. Right now all I am taking is wellbutrin and xanax. I think my pdoc understands my frustration and he's trying to give me a chance to take a break. I already can feel what its like to not be on anything and I've wanted to call him and ask for something. But I'm determined to wait it out until my next appointment on March 12. Maybe by then I can see whether or not I can deal with things without them.

ALL that being said, I think I'm better being on meds than off. Right now I'm just frustrated. I know that must be how you are feeling too.

(((BNLsMOM)))

[BNLsMOM]

So I am staying on my meds at the same doses. She thinks it isn't a Lithoum allergy because it would be more acute and severe. She says it sounds more like asthma, so I will have to make an appointment with my md to see what's going on there.

When I was talking about things to her, I never said that I wanted to go off my meds. I just said that I was having the symptoms and what her take on it was. She said, "Well, if you want to you can go off the Lithium, but I guarantee you will go back into depression and i will have to refer you to someone for ECT."

I found her tone of voice vaguely threatening, but I told her that if she didn't think the Lithium was causeing the symptoms that I would stay on it.

I also told her about some other issues I was having last week to make sure I didn't need a dose adjustment or anything. She said, "If you're trying to scare me, here is me looking scared." She then showed me a completely stoic face.

I told her I wasn't trying to shock her or anything, that I was just trying to figure out where the thoughts were coming from and if I needed dosage adjustments. After that, she said that if we had to we could get me into the hospital. Again, I found her voice vaguely threatening.

I told her that I am med compliant 100%. I won't make a change without express permission from her, although I do get frustrated by meds and side effects, etc.

What was with the tone today? I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable with her. I am starting to feel as if she will use threats to get me to comply. I don't need threats.

[perpetuallysad]

You know, I hate to say anything bad, but she does seem to threaten a lot. I remember when she decided to put you on lithium she said things in a way that made you feel like if you didn't take to the lithium, she was done with you.

I am sorry she behaves like that. Thankfully, even if I don't see my t/pdoc often, he's incredibly kind to me and understands my struggles with the medications. She seems very confrontational, like she's testing you or something. I probably shouldn't have said any of this.

Anyway, I am glad, at least, that she doesn't think its an allergy.

[gravyyy]

Yeah she's probably right that it's not an allergy. That is typically more sudden and severe. Regardless, you're right to feel a bit concerned about her tone. The thing about medicine is that healthcare providers and patients are supposed to be PARTNERS in care.... it's not supposed to be that the patient MUST do whatever the doc says. That's not right and she shouldn't be coercing you or any of her other patients into doing what she says. You have to question whether or not to continue with her if you're feeling uncomfortable. It's too important to have quality mental health care to be with a pdoc who isn't treating you the way you want or deserve to be treated. I don't know where you're at or what your capabilities are for seeing someone else, but hopefully you can at least look into it in case you decide to change in the future. Whatever you decide good luck, and hopefully your physical symptoms will go away!!!

[BNLsMOM]

Yuck. I am just feeling like I have done something wrong. I know I haven't, but I feel like I want to take it all back and fade back into psychiatric obscurity.

I feel like I have shared too much and I am being backed into a corner.

When I shared my intrusive thoughts with her, she tried to tell me how I was feeling. It wasn't accurate and I tried to tell her that, but apparently all patients have to fit into a tight little mold.

If I switch doctors, it will be my fourth in a year. I will be halfway through the list of available p-docs in my area who don't practice exclusively inpatient.

She nearly made me cry, and not in a cathartic, breakthrough-in-therapy way. Why is this so upsetting?

[perpetuallysad]

If it were me, I would be upset because I made myself vulnerable to someone by being really open and honest about extremely personal things (intrusive thoughts) and she analyzed them without actually trying to understand why YOU felt them. That would make me feel ashamed and invalidated.

I really wish you were with someone more compassionate.

[gravyyy]

I think it's upsetting because you're frustrated and feeling like your pdoc has her interests rather than yours in mind. You're completely validated in feeling bad about that if that's indeed the case. As far as the number of pdocs you have seen, who cares? It doesn't matter if you see one per week until you find one that works for you. It's worth it because again, you need good care (and not just you personally but everyone who needs treatment for mental illness). It seems like your options are going to be to talk to your pdoc about the issues you're having with her (i get it that that's hard) or find a new one, or keep things the way they are. I can't tell you what the best option is because I don't know where you live or what your exact situation is, but thinking globally those are your options. Good luck deciding... its so hard and I'm sorry it's rough for you right now.

[lonegael]

(((((BNLsMOM)))))) I think she is assuming that if you are Bipolar that you will be trying to excuse going off the stabilizers to get the manic "high". I had this problem with a p-doc who told me straight out I was being a noncompliant Bipolar when i told him I was hallucinating on an anitdepressant he had me on. The next p-doc took me off it faster tha n fast.
This is a very deeply ingrained attitude among some psychiatrists, hon, and I think you need to adress it with her. It is not fair and risks undermining your allainace and worsening your treatment. In my case, it didn't work; even with my talk-doc's assurances he didn't believe me when I said I didn't have pleasant highs, that the meds were a relief for me except when i saw things that weren't there. He just rolled his eyes. Huggs hon. That woman would P me off.

[BNLsMOM]

I am going to discuss this with my T tomorrow. I am less upset today. I understand her meaning. I was just surprised at her tome because until last night I thought she believed me about being compliant. I think that she assumed that since I have had a sensitivity to a lot of meds that maybe she thought that I was trying to get off the med just so I didn't have to take any. She probably has to use scare tactics with some of her patients so she assumed it would work with me too.

[lonegael]

What did T say, by the way?

[BNLsMOM]

We discussed what her viewpoint might have been and that she doesn't know me well enough to know that I am not going to try to trick her into going off my meds. I am going to give her a chance to get to know me.