[Pughead]

First off, where the hell is the RANT forum here? I didn't know where to post this for fear of it getting banned. But here is my current take on meds, and it's negative, that's why I put the trigger icon. It's a rant, full of sarcasm, and other ranty stuff.

BP is a guessing game...are we sick or not? Are we up or down? Are we level? Are we just how God made us and not embracing it? Indeed, if we embraced and accepted who we are, couldn't we just go about our living our lives in the same manner as others do, without any addictions to psychiatric meds?

NP: Porcupine Tree - Yellow Hedgerow Dreamscape, wow this is great!

Off to bed now, with a buttload of xanax.
Here's where the real rant begins, so sorry for anything repeated in the preface.

It's a balancing act with meds, but in the end it seems the goal is the same: find something that works and stick with it. It feels like I'm just finding some sort of combo to be hooked on. It is sort of an addiction, because at 5pm if I haven't had my second dose of lamictal I feel a little out of whack and disoriented. At night I can't sleep without xanax. It's like being addicted to drugs that give you no high. They aren't illegal, but you still get addicted to them, because they are psycho-active.

I dunno, I feel like just tapering off on my own and seeing if I can deal with life as God intended me to. I'm dropping depakote on my own for sure. It's useless. Xanax has become an absolute necessity for sleep. I use it like a conventional sleeping med, but it's more dangerous as xanax is psycho-active.

I'll bring up the idea of completely going off meds next p-doc appt. We'll see what happens. Maybe I should go to a chiropractor for a 6-month treatment course, 3 times a week, and when my facets are properly aligned, and there is no more subluxation, my neural paths will be normal and I will be able to go on my merry way. And then maybe I can stick some pads onto my feet and stick them in water, and then I'll pull them out and the water will be black, and my body and brain will be detoxified!

See what I'm getting at? There is so much that is unknown about this stuff. We are subjects of inferential science, if you want to even call it that. I understand for people who have very specific clear diagnoses, these meds can be a god-send. But for those of us who just linger along in the abstract, what good are we doing ourselves by experimenting with addicting psycho-active drugs. Maybe we have a tendency to be hypochondriacs and if we can recognize that, among other things, we might be able to come to the realization that we don't need to be addicted.

Maybe I'm just overly frustrated by all of this. I'm gaining confidence that I can do it without meds. I don't believe in alternative therapy. I don't believe in chiropractic. Maybe I can convince myself that I don't believe in prescribing meds for a condition that cannot be confirmed. Hey, I guess there's only one way to find out right? I'm gonna tell p-doc I'm going off, and if he tries to get me to stick colored lenses on my eyes or detoxifying pads on my feet, then I guess I'll know where I stand with him!

[AAAAA]

I’m pretty sure you can rant in any forum. I know how frustrating it is to find that right combo of drugs that give you the ability to have a full life yet not be a zombie.

PLEASE, please, please DO NOT wean yourself off your medications without proper medical supervision. I hope you have a good doctor that will embrace your right to seek alternative treatment.

I think the irony of mental illness opposed to some form of physical illness or disease is that when we finally find the right combo that works, our first thought is “wow, I feel better! Now it’s time to get rid of the pharmacy.” Whereas if you had an extremely difficult case of diabetes and finally found a medication that got your blood sugar under control, it would be ludicrous to stop taking it.

Sometimes we can quit taking the meds, others it could trigger a spiral that will leave us in a place that was worse than when we started. Where you decide to go with your treatment is entirely up to you, but hopefully you’ll find (or have) a doctor that is willing to respect your wishes and support you every step of the way.

Do NOT go off your meds without discussing this with your pdoc first. You KNOW you are asking for problems down the road it you do.

[Amazonmom]

I agree with Farmergirl.

Don't abandon all your meds without talking with the pdoc. You can tell them to find something to replace the depakote without dumping Lamictal.... Don't let the frustration get to the point where you just end up hurting yourself worse.

[BNLsMOM]

It is frustrating, I hear that... We are human test subjects.

With that said, make sure you have medical supervision if you go off your meds. It is so hard to stay on when you feel better, but as everyone else said, you could end up in a worse place emotionally. Also, there could be physical ramifications as well. Some meds have major withdrawal which can include headaches and sometimes seizures.

Have this discussion with your T if you have one. Maybe he/she can help you with your thoughts about medications.

Either way, be careful.

[thinker22]

I don't think I'm addicted. I was going to use the diabetes metaphor, but it's already been used. You wouldn't call that person addicted.

I've talked to my p-doc about coming off all of my meds and she agreed, one at a time. The first one I picked was lamictal. Probably the last will be geodon. It was the one that finally lessened my depression to a manageable level. If I feel fine afterwards, I know my episode is over. If not, I go back to the lowest dose of the meds that helped me.

I do sometimes take temazepam for sleep, but as I don't take it every night and can sleep usually without it (perhaps not as many hours), I don't worry about the long term dependence or side effects. If you've been taking xanax for a long time without interruption, stopping it one night will cause rebound insomnia, but after a few days, I'm sure you'll get back into a rhythm, then you can take it as needed on nights when you especially need good sleep.

Of course, as others have said, talk to your doc first about tapering off various meds. The anti-seizure meds are especially dangerous unless you go off as slowly as you came on to them. It's taking me 12 weeks to come off of lamictal safely. I only go down 50 mg every 2 weeks and 25 mg on the last 2 weeks.

It might be good to give it a try with supervision.

[musikcrazy]

I have the same fears, but I recently tried taking myself off Lamictal without telling my pdoc. It ended very badly. Talk to your pdoc.

[Pughead]

Yeah, I'm going to talk to him about it next week. We'll see what he has to say. Hopefully he doesn't try to sell me an extended warranty package. That's what it feels like.

Lamictal dosage adjusting is difficult. I always have a pretty significant emotional see-saw when the dose level changes. Decreasing depakote levels is a joy. Your attentiveness returns, you feel more like yourself, and you lose the weight you put on. A regular dose of benzos sounds like a bad idea. I think they should only be used when needing immediate relief from anxiety. For example, during the onset of a panic attack. Benzos are a controlled substance in the US, for good reason. But doesn't it suck that they don't provide you with some sort of euphoric feeling? I suppose those who have never taken them before might get "high" if they took a higher dose. But it's like, if you taper up, you never get high. But you get to the same point that an addict does. An addict has to take the drug just to take care of the withdrawal symptoms that occur between doses. Doesn't the same thing happen here, except we don't ever experience an initial high, as the dose is low to start with? Then we develop a tolerance to it and need more and more, and eventually, people end up having to take the benzos just to prevent withdrawal symptoms that occur in between doses. I think I experience some sort of withdrawal when I don't get lamictal in the morning and then in the evening. I swear I start feeling fubar if that pill hasn't been taken by 6:00 PM.

[missmoonshine]

I also have been through all this stopped the bloody meds and unfortunately after five days I went back on them. I think realistically even if you are going to go med-free you still need to do it under medical supervision otherwise the withdrawl synmptoms can be pretty nasty. I see my psych tomorrow and funny the things you have said I am going to put to her as I dont want the rest of my life being about medications, I've had enough.
I am also seeing a therapist privately she has nothing to do with the psych team. Last time I saw her she asked me if I wanted to get rid of my racing thoughts, ?The answer now is no I am lonely without them, weird?? I never thought I would admit it. Then she told me that bipolar is WHO I AM and you cant just get rid of it!! (what a revelation!) Then she explained that to get rid of the racing thoughts is like trying to turn a greyhound (dog) into a tortoise! Who the hell wants to be a tortoise (slow and lifeless) I used to be fast I am now like a ****ing tortoise! (slow and lifeless) cos of the ****ing meds and I hate it. I see my psych tomorrow so watch the space.

The benzos can be addictive, so it is right to be careful with them, but AD's, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers are NOT addictive. Does our body and mind need them? Yes. Does that mean we will have a reaction if we stop taking them? Yes. But that does not equate to addiction.

[Pughead]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

The benzos can be addictive, so it is right to be careful with them, but AD's, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers are NOT addictive. Does our body and mind need them? Yes. Does that mean we will have a reaction if we stop taking them? Yes. But that does not equate to addiction.

Correct.

It's the withdrawal symptoms that make it seem like an addiction.

But my husband takes high blood pressure meds, for instance, and if he forgets to take them, he has symptoms too. But I wouldn't call that an addiction. It's just the body's response to not having the medication it needs. Can you think of it that way? Addiction implies that you don't need the meds in the first place.

[phlashback]

My use of medication to treat my condition is not addiction. I do not seek it out, and am not focused on the next score. I am speaking as someone who has battled the addiciton demon first hand. Yes the withdrawl can be trickey, and painfully scarry at times. However this may feel like comming off an addiciton, but it is not...

If I have a bottle of medication that I am no longer on I can easly resist taking it. However if you were to put a line of cocaine in front of me... Just one wouldn't hurt... Yea been down that road.

As for benzos I am able to use them responsibly when needed... but i never abused them to begin with.

You need to do what is right for you, good luck.

[mamaJenof5]

"It is sort of an addiction, because at 5pm if I haven't had my second dose of lamictal I feel a little out of whack and disoriented."

when you said this I was like wow I thought that was just me. except my doc just started me on this and I have been uping the amount I take a little at a time. They never said anyting about twice a day dosing but that is what I started doing after a couple of weeks. It has helped but not helped. I understand where you are at with wanting to stop the meds...I have been having a LOT of thoughts lately about the pointlessness of them...I get a good couple of months off meds then end up majorly cycling but them have to mess around up uping the dose and the lets wait and see aproach. I have been doing this for about 10 years now...looking back over the past twenty years I just see the future as a lost cause. Sometimes I think I should leave everything behind and go off by myself and just live in the moment ...just easier to do when your manic than depressed because if I just lived in the moment when I'm depressed with out the meds I wouldn't be alive for very long Just think about what you want to do and keep yourself monitered if you go off your meds.

[mamaJenof5]

Originally Posted by mamaJenof5

"It is sort of an addiction, because at 5pm if I haven't had my second dose of lamictal I feel a little out of whack and disoriented."

when you said this I was like wow I thought that was just me. except my doc just started me on this and I have been uping the amount I take a little at a time. They never said anyting about twice a day dosing but that is what I started doing after a couple of weeks. It has helped but not helped. I understand where you are at with wanting to stop the meds...I have been having a LOT of thoughts lately about the pointlessness of them...I get a good couple of months off meds then end up majorly cycling but them have to mess around up uping the dose and the lets wait and see aproach. I have been doing this for about 10 years now...looking back over the past twenty years I just see the future as a lost cause. Sometimes I think I should leave everything behind and go off by myself and just live in the moment ...just easier to do when your manic than depressed because if I just lived in the moment when I'm depressed with out the meds I wouldn't be alive for very long Just think about what you want to do and keep yourself monitered if you go off your meds.

I just reread this and when I said I get a good couple months off meds I ment a good couple months OF meds lol