Getting upset

Gah,

I feel like crap. Just really annoyed because I feel like I have no support. My boyfriend is interstate and I'm lonely without him with no one to talk to about things. My doctor has pissed me off. I was suppose to get a referral to a psychologist when I saw her but instead she crapped on about her thoughts about Richard Dawkins as he came to Australia the week I saw her and how religious she is. Umm, hello, MY HEALTH is the discussion topic. I was lucky that I got my letter for my meeting with disability services at uni. Dammit.

And my psychiatrist doesn't really want me to get an additional person to talk to. He wants to do it - but he sucks at it. He's great at science and telling me about meds but that's it.

But the main thing making me feel **** is I have to go around pretending I'm fine. I had a crush into depression last night and my mum just told me off about it as none of my family that I have bipolar. I'm just doing it to anger them all apparently. I just want to tell her to back off because I'm sick right now, instead of being told I'm an asshole whenever I cry so easily. But I know they don't really believe in mental illness, at least in the past they made it out they at least don't believe it's possible *I'm* sick.

I rather be open about my condition but I don't imagine the stress that would come from it would be good for me in my current state nor does it sound like it's ever good to be open which makes me rather upset. I don't like hiding because of stigma but I don't want people being asses and making me feel more sick. >< Sick of being down and sick of all the trip outs I have when I'm high.

/rant

Fire Star,

You have every right to be upset. You are alone and your family isn't supporting you the way they should. Remind your Pdoc that you are paying her for a service you don't feel she is providing to you, therefore, write the dang referral to see a T.

I hope it works out for you. Good luck!

I know how it feels to have no support!! It upsets me that your doctor was not there for you, she had no right to go on about things in her life, you are there to get help and not to be her friend. I had a similar problem with a therapist, I finally quit seeing her. Do you have to get a referral to see a psychologist or a therapist? Is there any way to set up an appointment with someone on your own? If not, maybe you can ask to have a different doctor or a different psychiatrist and then get a referral from them? I hope you can figure something out.

I know how it feels to have family that doesn't understand too. My family is better than they were before (they were in denial for years), but they still don't quite understand and say inappropriate and triggering things at times. I know there are books available to help people understand better, but I don't feel right saying "here, you need to read this so you can help me".

You're not alone in how you feel, and I wish you the best!!

You have support here... I know it is not like having those who are close to you. I went through a similar period where there was no understanding. Most of that was prior to my diagnosis. I tried the "here read this book, it will give you some insight" after my diagnosis, well the book was only ever read by me.

However since diagnosis, and improvement with meds support has come a little bit easier. My family is more likely to keep tabs on if I am taking meds, and giving me a kick, when they see me start drifiting to mania or depression.

Heck today I got a verbal warning for attendence at work, but at the same time my manager recommended FMLA (even though I work) to get some of the absenses excused... however I would like to point out that I have spent more hours here overtime without additional compensation than I had missed.

He did however mention that it has been brought to his attention by several coworkers that I seem to have been having difficultly lately. Which is true, and was reassured that they would support me, and help me get the help I need. One coworker walked with me, and reminded me that I am part of the family and that they have been worried about me.

To that I wanted to say "I'm Fine" but the truth is I have not been. I hope you are able to find the understanding you need outside of this forum... but at least you have us.

Thanks for the replies. This forum is a lovely place so I really appreciate the members here. Just so frustrated with stigma (not just with MI but everything else too). Just wish I was in a position to combat it better. By keeping quiet because of other ignorant people, I feel like I'm just adding to the stigma so can't have any support. People make me so cross at times.

You help combat the stigma by letting your voice be heard. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself in situations that upset you. Sometimes not reacting at all makes you feel worse.

Well I need a referral unless I go private. The pdoc usually gets my GP to do all the referrals, medical certs etc but I might try and convince him to give me one because at least he can choose one that he's worked with in a past so he might quit whinging about thinking his treatment isn't getting done right because there's an extra person involved. ><