[chalmette70043]

What's happened? I can't find my way. I'm lonely. I feel my soul has left me. Has the bottom ever been pulled out from underneath you? I'm falling and can't grab on to pull myself up. What caused it? I really dont know.

I'm just hurting. I want a life of happiness. of joy. I can't tell you the last time i'd been there.

I want off this ride.

[FeelingHopeful]

Aww Chamalatte! What happened? Im here to listen

[FeelingHopeful]

oops i meant chalmette

[SunnyD]

Yes, what has happened to cause these feelings?

[chalmette70043]

I'm mad. I think life is unfair. But i have to accept it. Don't I? I want my family and friends to move back home. I'm homesick for them. I want them near me. By me. With me again.

I was doing better. Accepting the way things are now. well seeing through it. But something got in the way.

The phone rang. I missed the call. I called back and left a message. It's so hard to stay together when everyone is falling apart.

My neighbor came over today. She was upset, really depressed. She cant' stand life here anymore. Said she needs out. Needs to be in a place that isnt is in destruction. They were one of my few neighbors that came home. I dont' want to see them go too. They hold me on.

My heart hurts cause i can't find peace. I just pretend. It's not even a mask. It's a different body. I step in and i step out of it.

I believed once. I had faith. It's lost. Gone. What has been done is not fair. I wanna be up. I wanna believe. But i can't.

I'm tired of fighting to be happy. there's just to much sadness and gloom. I hate to open my front door.

[SunnyD]

This is what has happened to me. Not now as I have come to acceptance. It has been over 16 years though.
Not helpful that your neighbor is in trouble too.
I don't have any advice but what has helped in acceptance is what my sister,who has ms, says "It is what it is."
This does help me when circumstances and disasters happen. And boy have we had the hits over and over again.
My daughter and family live 3,000 miles away. My 17 year old grandson is engaged and a convicted felon, I have kidney disease...I can go on and on.
It isn't fair, why me? No clue but I am a woman of faith and have to trust this will turnout for good.
pm me anytime

[grizmom]

Sorry if I sound dumb, but is this something that has to do with Hurricane Katrina? It sounded like you were talking about a natural disaster or something...

Anyhow, I have never been in that kind of situation so I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do hope that things work out for you and that you feel better soon. Take care!!

[allme]

((((((((((((chalmette)))))))))))))) huge hugs to you

Are you seeing a doc about the way you are feeling?

We are here for you.... sorry you are feeling so low but we understand *hugs* anytime you need a chat.... here for you

[yutzman]

I 've been lost so many times I don't even know where it all began. I've been pulled down, down and never knew what caused it.....most of the time nothing.....I hurt every day from loneliness that I feel I have caused myself, and probably have (that is even worse)........I'm trying to learn happiness.....it's not easy, and it's not something that comes naturally......BUT IT CAN BE DONE.....It needs forthought and devotion....Do you WANT to be happy?.......I still can't decide (it does hurt to try)....
Let it start here......with our help...it just takes .....Y

[chalmette70043]

Hugs to ya'll too and thanks for them.

I want to find happiness. It just feels so far away. A place of peace within.

I see a pdoc and a counsler. I try hard. I get confused and don't know how to talk. I lose myself in thoughts. They start to run over each other.

The storm honestly took my life away. I was homeless for many many months. Lived in 4 different places in that time. Where we found a place to stay didnt last. It was just temporary. Then i moved into the tin can in front of my house and lost it from there. Things started hitting me left and right. I dont' want to go back there.

I got an increase in meds. But i feel low. I'd rather get off the meds and see what life would be again without them. I would self medicate myself. I can handle that. But its not the path i want anymore. So how will i make it?

Want life? Sometimes i dont'. But it would hurt to many. I can't go there. I wish the rocks i'm trying to climb werent' so slippery. I want to see the light.

[yutzman]

I've never been homeless (thank the lord)....but I've been so deep down that I saw no way out...but now I sit here typing to you.....I made it....and each day is a struggle.....I assume you lost everything in Katrina....while I will never know the devastation it caused both property and personal I make it thru a day at a time....Just make it to the next day is my rule....and eek out the best you can do during that time...it may be good or bad or painful, but at least it is something....You have my (and many other's) support thru this here at PC... keep on keepin on and don't give up.........Y..

[chalmette70043]

Thank you. I try to look at every day as something new. I just get in these holes and it makes it feel impossible to get out.

I remind myself that my life is minimal to what others have to endure. I see it at home and i see it here at pc. The pain and hardships are a strain. They are more than you can handle sometimes.

With all the things that i lost. The most missed are the albums of photos. To see and remind me of the good times we had. Now its just a memory and i feel that fading. It's hard to lose the sight of my grandparents and other friends and family. Those you can never replace.

I will hold on. I have to. I have to see the warmth of the day and suck it in. I know that's what life is about. The beauty within.

I wish i could be more secure. Control my well being. To find that place where happiness sits waiting for me. I hope one day in my life i will find it. Then i could say it was worth the wait.