Wow, I may have just diagnosed someone else....

I just had the most intense experience. I am friends with a couple who are engaged, I knew they were having a rough patch but tonight "Bob" told me he thinks "Betty" might be bipolar. From what he described (for example, EXCESSIVE spending, suicidal thoughts etc.) it sounded about right.

The funny thing is I don't know these people really well but I have known them for a while and usually I can spot familiar things in people who are depressed, anxious or bipolar. Apart from a recent display of persistent irritability she never sent up any red flags for me.

I told "Bob" the of basics of bipolar, how it treated and gave him a list of things he CAN do, like help with having a consistent routine. I told him to carefully talk to her father (they all live together) and see if he has seen a pattern or any extreme moods (she is 26 so I'm guessing if she's really bipolar there have been previous episodes). I gave him a couple copies of the mood chart I use that he can fill out in case it's helpful to anyone later. I also told him to not argue, confront or try to reason with her when she is manic and to take care of himself.

The fiance is a really solid guy who loves her, he wants to learn more and wants to help. I told him to check out this forum or call me if he has questions. And I offered to talk to her if it looks like this is really is bipolar.

I just got really involved in other people's business and i have a tendency to do this. I don't know if I can help her but I think I can help him deal with it. I don't know, do you think I went over the line at all?

The thing that would have been most important for you to do would have been to tell them to have her professionally seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist, that you yourself cannot at all diagnose this, but that the behaviors look familiar.

I agree with Farmergirl. The best thing you can do is recommend that she go to a psychiatrist or doctor of some sort. Bipolar and many other mental disorders have similar symptoms. There are also medical problems that can create similar symptoms, such as thyroid problems.

I don't think you went over the line. Your friend 'Bob' confided in you that he thinks his fiance is bipolar, he obviously wanted to talk about it with you and ask you for advice. I'm sure you've helped him and have pointed him in the right direction regarding getting her some help.

Obviously seeing a psychiatrist would be ideal I just think we are a couple steps away from that right now, like figuring out if this makes sense and then telling her about our concerns. I offered to be the one to talk to her because I am bipolar and because if it results in me losing a friend it won't be nearly as devastating as Bob losing his fiance.

Thanks for reminding me about the thyroid thing, I totally forgot about that.

This isn't going to be a popular opinion, but here it is.

I would be very offended if my husband had serious concerns about my behavior and had not gone to ME about them before he went to others. If he had tried and I was not receptive then that's different. It seems like decisions are being made for this woman before she is even formally diagnosed.

If someone came to me and described such behavior in their significant other I would say to ask them to go to a psychiatrist or other qualified medical professional for a proper evaluation. I would feel like I was gossiping about the person in question unless they knew and was okay with their partner discussing it with me.

I hold the exact same opinion as you Amazonmom.

The husband needs to be the person to speak to her. Otherwise she'll feel ganged up on and talked about. I'd say you need to bow out of this one. Let the family and the professionals handle this.