[NuckingFutz]

I believe I am entering a mixed episode. When I was in therapy I asked for clarification on what a mixed episode was and she drew me a scale that did not represent my feelings of depression and mania at the same time. Well, if this is a mixed episode, I would like to know so I can understand and take self help measures and put them in place. It scares me to be in this place because I never know what I am going to do/feel next. Can anyone enlighten me? I know I have been asking a lot from my PC members lately, but I really do need the help right now.

[Yoda]

I think the symptoms of a mixed episode varies according to the individual person.

When I am mixed I am often irritable, feeling very tired, a bit depressed but not severely and my sleep gets really erratic. I may sleep two or three hours one day then sleep ten hours the next day but don't feel rested.

Have you had recent med changes? You have had several stressors recently with neighbors. Perhaps that is triggering you.

Hope you feel better soon.

[NuckingFutz]

Thanks Yoda. You explained it better than my old therapist (wanna job?). I have had a med changes that should be hitting right about now. Called pdoc to change 'em back but with a different dosage request so that is in the works. Perhaps the spiritual message I am getting is that I am not suppose to be here...meaning I can probably work to support myself, my life is far from over, it's time to dust myself off and gently get back on the horse. These neighbors have given up on life it seems (which is really sad because it looks harder and more painful that actually living it from the outside looking in). I do not give these people my energy anymore (yes, they will take that too). if I were to describe my moods as of late, I would say tired yet energetic, sometimes I have my sense of humor and sometimes I don't...but when I do, it can come out twisted. Panic comes and goes but usually in the morning or when I am stressed.

[sanityseeker]

Sounds pretty mixed to me Nuck. That's how they go with me. Like every mood spinning together in a laundry dryer with the door open. Never know when or what is going to pop out. Sort of like rapid cycling but overlapping.

Take it slow and steady and avoid overthinking. Relax as best you can while it runs its course. That's pretty much what I do now that it doesn't scare me anymore.

[grizmom]

When I have a mixed episode, I usually have the racing thoughts and lack of sleep like I do when hypomanic, but lack of motivation and feelings of boredom and sadness like when I'm depressed. My pdoc said that even though "technically" bipolar II isn't "supposed" to have mixed episodes, it can happen. I hate the mixed episodes the most. Take care!!

[musikcrazy]

I have mixed episodes. It's like one minute I am the saddest person on the earth and the next I have enough energy to kill an army. You are doing all the right things. I just try to keep my mind focused on one thing at a time. It's hard to do, but sometimes I succeed. Take care and keep posting!

[Eloise42]

Sometimes i am totally up and singing along to the music in the car then all of a sudden I'm crying. I hate the idea that there are mainly two moods we are prone to. I'm anxious when I'm manic and I'm anxious when I'm depressed. People who are not bipolar can be happy and sad at the same time, plus plenty of other feelings, so why would we be any different?

[Diva1]

I have mixed episodes and for me it's like being depressed but in high-speed. I am sad and feel like I am worthless and don't want to live but I feel panicky about it. I start pacing around the house, want to throw something against the wall really or put my fist through something like a glass window (done it several times before - cuts you up pretty good). Then to calm these urges I start drinking to shut myself down and if that isn't enough, I'll take a bunch of muscle relaxers and wait for those to kick in. That usually helps the most.

[questionable]

It's like depressive thoughts and feelings at ten times the speed and all the energy in the world. You have the freedom to do anything because absolutely nothing matters, even life itself. Have a thought in your head? Go for it, not because it's an experience or it feels good, nothing feels good and consequences don't matter. There is no reason to do or not to do anything, but you do anything because you can't sit still even though you want to. Screw yourself, screw your neighbour, screw life, screw it and you've got the energy to do so and more time too 'cause sleep isn't happening. It's like being angry all the time and just waiting for any excuse to blow up when normally you'd laugh it off. It's like every sight, sound, taste, texture, experience is an enemy and you're preparing for war or death, you know, what ever happens.

In doctor talk? It's a combination of manic symptoms (racing thoughts, less need for sleep, impulsivity etc.) and depressive symptoms (hopelessness, intense saddness, suicidal thoughts and feelings etc.).

[questionable]

Originally Posted by Diva1

I have mixed episodes and for me it's like being depressed but in high-speed.

I know I just posted a reply, but when I read that, I thought, "exactly!" I call it, "depression on speed".

[thinker22]

I agree with a lot of what everyone else said. When I have a mixed episode (and technically am still in one), on the most extreme days I have a restless energy (although my eyes and body feel tired) where I feel invincible, or rather I just don't care about the consequences of some of my actions, like driving dangerously. I feel somewhere between life and death and I do impulsive things because that's a way to feel something. It's like my brain is egging me on to see if I'm still alive and volitional. But really, I'm not in control. I'll be depressed and anxious, but not completely listless. Active.

I drove across the country and back in 10 days (literally coast to coast) when in a mixed episode. I felt driven, yet empty and angry inside, masking a hopelessness.

It's probably the most dangerous of bipolar episodes. I hope you'll find some relief soon with a meds change.

Take care of yourself. You could be right. You could be at a turning point in your life and use this as a impetus to start something new.